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<blockquote data-quote="Alttlgabby" data-source="post: 354160" data-attributes="member: 6786"><p>Sounds like you have a lot of issues going on there. While I know you don't want to hear this...but family therapy is a great thing.. and sometimes as parents we do have to change our approach to fit these kids "needs". We have to pick and choose our battles. I haven't been on the board in awhile..as is usual for me, but ladies.. things are 98% BETTER in our household than it was a month ago. I have been there. However, the difference for me, is that my family has been in counseling since before we adopted our two girls. It wasn't just helpful for our kids, but it was helpful for ME especially. Therapy is the one place I can go that *I* feel safe and can cry and spew whateve is on my mind! We adopted my two nieces who had their own special issues. The younger one had anger issues which she got over within the first 6 months. The older one.. well, let's just say she has made our house a living hell at times and it only got worse in the last 6 months. She was stealing, lying, and picking excessively EVERY day. It got to the point that I took EVERYTHING away from her! She was going to have to earn it all back with respect. No stealing, no lying, and to at least TRY to go without picking for a day or so (I understood this to be a major issue with her and anxiety, but she was on medications!). We ended up taking her bed down and putting her in the dining room so that I could watch her every minute! I was not even allowing her to go to the bathroom on her own because she would steal something out of the bathroom or pick the mess out of her face! I took her to therapy about 3 weeks ago and we were dealing with the issue of me leaving for a day to spend time alone, which I had done. I told my husband he is going to have to follow her around and watch her every single second of the day! Well, apparently, that did not happen the way it was supposed to because he had to take her into his office while he was checking on something. Left her alone for a minute and she stole nail clippers off someone's desk. On Monday, I saw her with her knee up in the chair and asked her what she was doing. Standard answer of Nothing.. and I was like, what do you have in your hand? My pencil.. umm..your pencil is right in front of you on the table..so what do you have? I opened her hand and she had taken tweezers out of the bathroom cabinet, but of course, lied to me 10 times first before admitting that was where she had gotten them. Asked her about the nail clippers that I had found. Oh, she found those on the floor at my husbands office. Okay, well, why didn't you tell him you found them on the floor so he could get them back to the rightful owner? Don't know! Discover a few days later after trying to find the rightful owner that they were indeed on his desk and not on the floor when he left on Friday.. and the guys in the office were the one's that clean the office..so there is no way they were on the floor... and his desk is outside of my husband's office.. and clear across the room. Anyway, fast forward to Thursday afternoon during therapy. Therapist looks down and sees something on daughters leg and asked her what was on her leg.. and I felt sick because I thought oh man.. Sure enough..we made her lift her pants.. actually sent my son out of the room and made her pull her pants down!!! She had about eight spots on the inside of her left leg that she had been picking and one looked infected. She would not admit that she had picked them....but that she had hurt herself, but didn't remember how. Asked her why she didn't ask for a bandaid and she said it wasn't bleeding that much.. so that right there told us she was lying and knew exactly when and how she had done this. I took her directly to Monte Vista Behavioral health and they took her. She said voices were telling her to lie and steal. She spent 11 days in there and is now sitting at Partial to continue with the intensive therapy she really needs. That ends on the 23rd and she will return to regular school. While in, they changed her medications up. Since being home, I told her we are on a new slate. She is back in with the other two girls and has all her stuff back. I have peace of mind back and am not following her all around like I was. I still check on her but not as much as I had usually done in the past. But, we have not have any instances of stealing or lying, and NO picking since she has been home the last two weeks. It is awesome! Of course, we still have a neuro psychiatric coming up on May 5th, and we go to San Diego on May 7th for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)/Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), behavioral, and genetics testing. </p><p>I do not understand WHY people do not understand that mental illness with these kids is a "popular" thing! There are so many of them that have it and they don't want to believe that the parents are telling the truth when they say that Johnny or Susie hits me or cusses at me, or that I can't control them. They say they are going to commit suicide or hurt themselves. Oh no.. they are these little "angels" at school who have the wool over the teachers eyes. Of COURSE they act this way with the parents!!!! We are the one's they feel comfortable enough with to act that way.. they know we will love them no matter how they act or what they do. When a parent says something such as this they should just allow us to place them where they need to be! They need to be watched. They need serious therapies to learn to cope! To learn to communicate! </p><p>Ugh... </p><p>Okay.. done for now!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Alttlgabby, post: 354160, member: 6786"] Sounds like you have a lot of issues going on there. While I know you don't want to hear this...but family therapy is a great thing.. and sometimes as parents we do have to change our approach to fit these kids "needs". We have to pick and choose our battles. I haven't been on the board in awhile..as is usual for me, but ladies.. things are 98% BETTER in our household than it was a month ago. I have been there. However, the difference for me, is that my family has been in counseling since before we adopted our two girls. It wasn't just helpful for our kids, but it was helpful for ME especially. Therapy is the one place I can go that *I* feel safe and can cry and spew whateve is on my mind! We adopted my two nieces who had their own special issues. The younger one had anger issues which she got over within the first 6 months. The older one.. well, let's just say she has made our house a living hell at times and it only got worse in the last 6 months. She was stealing, lying, and picking excessively EVERY day. It got to the point that I took EVERYTHING away from her! She was going to have to earn it all back with respect. No stealing, no lying, and to at least TRY to go without picking for a day or so (I understood this to be a major issue with her and anxiety, but she was on medications!). We ended up taking her bed down and putting her in the dining room so that I could watch her every minute! I was not even allowing her to go to the bathroom on her own because she would steal something out of the bathroom or pick the mess out of her face! I took her to therapy about 3 weeks ago and we were dealing with the issue of me leaving for a day to spend time alone, which I had done. I told my husband he is going to have to follow her around and watch her every single second of the day! Well, apparently, that did not happen the way it was supposed to because he had to take her into his office while he was checking on something. Left her alone for a minute and she stole nail clippers off someone's desk. On Monday, I saw her with her knee up in the chair and asked her what she was doing. Standard answer of Nothing.. and I was like, what do you have in your hand? My pencil.. umm..your pencil is right in front of you on the table..so what do you have? I opened her hand and she had taken tweezers out of the bathroom cabinet, but of course, lied to me 10 times first before admitting that was where she had gotten them. Asked her about the nail clippers that I had found. Oh, she found those on the floor at my husbands office. Okay, well, why didn't you tell him you found them on the floor so he could get them back to the rightful owner? Don't know! Discover a few days later after trying to find the rightful owner that they were indeed on his desk and not on the floor when he left on Friday.. and the guys in the office were the one's that clean the office..so there is no way they were on the floor... and his desk is outside of my husband's office.. and clear across the room. Anyway, fast forward to Thursday afternoon during therapy. Therapist looks down and sees something on daughters leg and asked her what was on her leg.. and I felt sick because I thought oh man.. Sure enough..we made her lift her pants.. actually sent my son out of the room and made her pull her pants down!!! She had about eight spots on the inside of her left leg that she had been picking and one looked infected. She would not admit that she had picked them....but that she had hurt herself, but didn't remember how. Asked her why she didn't ask for a bandaid and she said it wasn't bleeding that much.. so that right there told us she was lying and knew exactly when and how she had done this. I took her directly to Monte Vista Behavioral health and they took her. She said voices were telling her to lie and steal. She spent 11 days in there and is now sitting at Partial to continue with the intensive therapy she really needs. That ends on the 23rd and she will return to regular school. While in, they changed her medications up. Since being home, I told her we are on a new slate. She is back in with the other two girls and has all her stuff back. I have peace of mind back and am not following her all around like I was. I still check on her but not as much as I had usually done in the past. But, we have not have any instances of stealing or lying, and NO picking since she has been home the last two weeks. It is awesome! Of course, we still have a neuro psychiatric coming up on May 5th, and we go to San Diego on May 7th for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)/Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), behavioral, and genetics testing. I do not understand WHY people do not understand that mental illness with these kids is a "popular" thing! There are so many of them that have it and they don't want to believe that the parents are telling the truth when they say that Johnny or Susie hits me or cusses at me, or that I can't control them. They say they are going to commit suicide or hurt themselves. Oh no.. they are these little "angels" at school who have the wool over the teachers eyes. Of COURSE they act this way with the parents!!!! We are the one's they feel comfortable enough with to act that way.. they know we will love them no matter how they act or what they do. When a parent says something such as this they should just allow us to place them where they need to be! They need to be watched. They need serious therapies to learn to cope! To learn to communicate! Ugh... Okay.. done for now! [/QUOTE]
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