Any Word from upallnight?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Apr 12, 2012.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    uan, just wondering how you are doing? sending good thoughts!
  2. upallnight

    upallnight Well-Known Member

    Hi! I am doing really well. I found out that if I don't return to work by Monday, April 16th...that's when the 12 week family leave I had taken runs out.....I will absolutely lose all my benefits, and possibly my job. I am a classroom asst. and we do not get tenure. Truthfully, I may have already lost it, they may have made up their mind that they don't want me back. Legally they can send me to a dr. and he can say I can't work.....or even if he says I can work, they may decide to not renew my contract for next year, all legal, even though I've been there since 2000, and have never been written up for anything and have all glowing evaluations.

    But, I would not get bck to work without a dr's note, so I had to gain, and I am. I had to follow my meal plan, eat all my Cliff bars and even though I am eating a HUGE meal almost every hour, I am doing it. I don't care, this job is so rewarding....I love it so much, it's my life.....that's been my motivater. This job has a pension, and great benefits.....how could I be so selfish to my family and lose it? Plus, my health, I could lose that, or my life.

    Anyway, the doctor said he write the note if I got to 94 pounds and I'm at 96! I've gained 3 pounds this week and I'll be even heavier by the time their dr. sees me. In the past, they sent me to a dr. who allowed me to work again 2 years ago, I'm afraid he won't send me back this time. Plus, my job is most likely sick of me doing this, getting sick, missing work, really, how much can they take?

    I called my union HR person for my county, he said that when the dr. faxes over the letter, I needed to include a letter as well saying I am ready, willing, and able to return to work on April 16th and asking them where and when to report. Legally, they can give me another assignment.

    The dr. didn't fax the notes over until 6pm last night. So, I am freaking out wondering if they will allow me back. Will my contract be renewed for next year? Do I have to see a psych. dr of their choosing? My entire future is riding on these decisions and I am scared to death. I am about to e-mail the HR guy for my district and see if he got the fax. I spoke with him Monday, told him it would be faxed Wednesday, he seemed annoyed that I needed to give more notice, but the reality is they didn't get this fax until today (Friday), so now they will be even more annoyed at me! If I lose my job, my heart will break. Thank you for asking! I'll let you know what happens.
  3. busywend

    busywend Moderator Staff Member

    Well, I am glad to hear you have gained weight! Good job!

    Now, you have to continue working on the therapy so you can stop needing to lose weight or even worrying about your weight. I know that is easier said than done and this illness may be like an alcoholic where you never lose that 'need', but you have to get it in check. You have to work with a therapist and determine that your life is worth more than whatever the scale says. OK?

    I will not pretend to understand your illness, so I really hope my words are not incorrect or offensive. I just want you to heal.
  4. upallnight

    upallnight Well-Known Member

    No, you didn't offend me! It is like an alcoholic, I don't understand it myself. It's gross. Yes, I will continue with my IOP for a long time. Even if by some miracle I am allowed to work, I will go after school since it starts at 3:30-4, I'll just be a little late.
  5. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    UAN,

    I've been thinking about you and am glad to see this update. I'm relieved that you're able to eat more and have gained some weight. I'm glad you realize the importance of continuing with therapy. Like busywend, I don't know enough about your illness and have never been in a similar situation. All I know is that you must continue with therapy and somehow find a way not to let the numbers on the scale be in control. You are a strong and determined person and I know you can do this!

    You are so much more important than your job. Your family loves and needs you. While I hope it doesn't happen, if you should lose your job, you are not letting your family down. You are doing what is necessary to get well, to continue to be in their lives.

    As always thinking of you, praying for you... Hugs... SFR
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    UAN

    I'm also glad to see this update.......and proud of you for gaining and eating better.

    I am no expert, but I wonder............what if you get rid of the scale in your house? (if you have one) If you could research proper portion sizes for foods, then you could concentrate on eating the proper portion sizes for each meal.....maybe make sure you have a food from each food group for each meal as well. It would probably work for snacks too. Then when you feel yourself begin to panic that you're eating "so much".......you can talk yourself down by telling yourself you are not over eating, but eating the proper portions of healthy food you need instead. Sort of refocusing your brain and retraining it. This way your thoughts shift from the scale to eating healthy and the weight will pretty much take care of itself, as you approach what should be the normal range for your height you could stop the snacks and still be eating healthy and be enough to maintain a normal body weight.

    But you are working with a nutritionist if I remember, so maybe she can help teach you the proper portions you should be eating. (well, honestly we ALL should be eating) And you just toss out the scale and refuse to worry about the numbers.....let the professionals worry about that part.

    Eating disorders are extremely hard. But you're motivated and I believe in you. You can do it.

    ((hugs))
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Glad to hear you were able to pull the strength you have out and use it. If your contract is not renewed it is not the end of the world, do not let it spiral you. Dont make this all about keeping your job ok??? those other things....being with your family for a long time, etc...that is what matters. There are other jobs. Yes, this has benefits etc.. so do other jobs, other districts etc. Just get well.

    I did get rid of my scale and I have not had one since. It made a HUGE difference. Our doc wants me to get one for Q but I just weigh him at other places. I do the same for me so that I just never ever fall into that obsession again. I really dont think I would but I am that protective over being a good mom to my son.

    Keeping a good thought for you! Really proud of you for stepping up your game. So did they drop the idea of the medical guardianship??
  8. upallnight

    upallnight Well-Known Member

    I actually am on blind weights, but I turned around on Wednesday, I had to know right away if I could get a note. Our scale doesn't have a battery in it, I never want to weigh myself it just contributes to the problem, but they do weigh me every time I go there- 3X a week, and for the dr. it is all about the number.

    The nutritionist was the one to bring up medical gaurdianship. I've only seen her once since then, only on Mondays, so I'm sure this change is too new for them to have much faith in me, I just have to keep on working hard on my goal.

    I have a meal plan Hound, it's ton of food right now, but when I'm at my goal- they'll give me a maintainence meal plan.

    I'm really anxious and nervous right now- and angry at myself for letting this ruin everything I've worked my whole life for.
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I know it's really really hard not to be anxious and nervous about this. But you're doing everything you can do at this point......so try to let it go..... It will be what it will be concerning the job. I know it's your dream job and you love it. But you can't do anymore than you're already doing. If the school is foolish enough to let go of an excellent aide, then it's their loss. Maybe there is something better waiting down the road for you when you're stable.

    I'm glad they'll follow up with a maintenance meal plan too. I was wondering and a little worried about that part.
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    UAN, I just want to add hugs and let you know I am thinking of you and sending lots of support that you remain healthy and get your job back that you love so much. I'm glad you're motivated!
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Moderator Staff Member

    I have been thinking about you too. Glad to hear that you are doing okay. Lordy girl, I need to lose more weight than you weigh! Wish I could give you a transplant...lol. I would be a willing donor!

    I am really pulling for you. Hang in there.
  12. upallnight

    upallnight Well-Known Member

    OMG, the head of the special ed. dept. wants to meet with me and the hr manager Monday at 8:20. I called my union rep for the county again, he said not to answer any personal questions- just keep saying that they have a dr. note and I am ready, willing and able to return. Also, I need to bring the union rep from my district in there to make sure they are doing things properly. I know they just want to eyeball me, and I am still a sorry sight!

    Thank goodness for this one union rep, he's guiding me through this, so I don't give them enough rope to hang myself. This is still no garantee I'll be back without their dr.'s approval or that my contract will be renewed. But, at least I will be payed for the day, so I can collect unemployment from that day forward, instead of having to explain why my last day was in Dec.
    Thank you for the support!

    Janet, I seriously wish I could!
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Moderator Staff Member

    Well, if you want to gain weight, I recommend marshmallow fluff. I reckon I am about 80% that at this point...lol. Fluff and Jellybeans.
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Well-Known Member

    UAN...

    This weekend, play for a while with your hair and makeup... Dress nicely... LOOK confident even if you're quaking inside. It will make an impression... And the impression is what they need to see...

    :hugs: and I'll be with you in my heart!
  15. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Member

    It is terrific that you have gained weight. Don't fret over your meeting with work. They can keep you in your job, transfer you, or not renew your contract. If they transfer you, there's a great possibility you may like it better. Same with not renewing your contract. You may find you like the next job better. You have lots of support behind you cheering you on from all over the place. We will all be behind you in that meeting!!!!
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I BELIEVE IN YOU - :flirtysmile3:
  17. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Active Member

    All the good juju I have sent your way for your meeting. Stay confident and remember you ARE making great progress.
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so happy to hear this! We were pretty worried about you, but we had faith that you could do this if you put your mind to it. i am so proud of you!!!

    the union rep is awesome, and i am glad he is on your side. They likely want to see you looking healthy, so work with the hair, makeup and clothes and you will look awesome - i am sure of it!

    you seem to have found good help and i am glad you know you have to stick with it even after hitting the dr's magic number.

    Whatever happens will turn out to be for the best. you will find another job f you need one as schools everywhere are needing help and i am sure you were a great aide. if you have to go for another job, get the parents of past students to write letters if you can. Those can go a long way b/c it shows you really can connect with the kids and help them and isn't that what it is all about!

    (((((hugs))))) and i am so proud of you for seeing that it is important and gaining the weight even though it is hard.

    janet, are you telling us you are not fat, just fluffy? I am not fat, just easy to see.
  19. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Moderator Staff Member

    You're doing a wonderful job, I'm really proud of you. Don't worry about your meeting, rest and have some fun over the weekend. (((HUGS)))
  20. upallnight

    upallnight Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your support. Jellybeans are half price at CVS, and I LOVE them,we have been eating them! As for the Fluff, you guys have got to try this awesome sandwich, peanut butter, flluff on white bread.....then put it in a pan and toast it (like a grilled cheese sandwhich). Emeril has this "recipe" in one of his books. Everthing melts and the bread is a lttle crispy. It's so good.