Anyone else deal with this?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, Apr 27, 2013.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    This happens all the time wth difficult child 1 and it is really starting to irritate me. Long story short, he was practicing a list he is supposed to memorize (short list, topic of interest to him). He had me quiz him. He starts listing them (there are 10 things) and after a bit asks how many he has left. I told him he had 3 and I held up three fingers. He said another one so I put one finger down. All of a sudden this is the conversation:

    "I already said that one"

    "No, you said _____ and that isn't on the list"

    "I did TOO say that one right after I said _____ !"

    "No, you didn't but you did now"

    "I KNOW I said that one. Oh, never mind (grabs list out of my hands)!!! You're just deaf!!!" Puts list away and storms off to another room.

    He does this all the time. Swears, argues, and yells that he said things that he NEVER said. Of course, there is no way to prove it so he holds on to the fact that he KNOWS he said it and difficult child 2 and I are just deaf idiots. Anyone else get this type of reaction?
     
  2. PlainJane

    PlainJane Every dog has his day....

    Yes, we have this same issue. Mine is only 5 (almost 6) but it is a regular part of talking with him. Swearing he said things he didn't or swearing he didn't say things he did. Hubby and I think of it as some odd form of lying, although he has nothing to gain from it. The doctor has suggested we try saying, like in your difficult child's case "do you *wish* you had said that one already?"...sometimes that does work for our difficult child, like he needs reality to be how he wants it, he needs to control everything and everything mush go how he wishes, and if it doesn't he just lies to himself and others (even if we just heard what he really said) as if he can get everyone to believe him and therefore change what really happened to make it what he wanted to happen. Occassionally it doesn't work, and it seems he just wants to fight? so I don't know...

    Sorry if I sould confusing, its hard to explain. I know how draining it is.
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sure do-if difficult child thinks he said it there is no convincing him otherwise. I don't even engage anymore. I just say-guess I didn't hear you. Argh!
     
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    For us it's more of not saying something he really did say. Then I'm a liar.

    And the thing about just wanting to fight....I feel that often too. Like today, he asked of he could have something. I said sure. He said you are always mean. I said did you hear I said yes? Yes, but you are lying. Can we have "y" instead? Yes, If you change your tone and talk nicely.
    Ok.....pause......you are so lying, you said we could go to the other place now you say this place.

    Excuse me while I drive off this cliff.
     
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I've dealt with this one.

    Nichole learned that sometimes things she thought she said out loud she didn't, and other times things she thought she was just thinking happened to come blurting out of her mouth.

    Bad thing was we discovered this when she was I think around 17 or so and we were having some rather frank discussions about such things. It would have been nice to have figured it out at a much younger age........especially for her. (I'd already strongly suspected this was the case for some time) It was like her brain/mouth weren't always functioning together.
     
  6. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    Yep! Both difficult child and husband do this. husband more so. He swears he said it when I am pretty sure he just thought it. Argh!
     
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Happens lots around here. My response most of the time is "I don't care. Now get back to work." It happens most often during homeschool time when difficult child 2 is supposed to be working. Then he glares at me and trys a different stalling tactic.
     
  8. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    Hound, that about sums it up. difficult child 1 seriously would swear he said something he never said. He refuses to even consider the idea that he might have thought it but it never came out his mouth. There are soooooo many times I wish I could carry an 18-24 hour recorder to prove it but that isn't ever gonna happen. I guess I will just have to listen to the accusation of "being deaf" all the time. At least I know I'm not.
     
  9. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Got a good taste of this from Storm this morning. Her insisting the she handed me pencils last night and where were they? The only thing she had handed me was the laptop, no idea where her pencils were. She got totally bent out of shape, yelling and screaming about she handed me the pencils to the point neither of us could get much info about what pencils we were supposed to look for. And this is, of course, right when she needs to leave for the bus. Yes, the pencils were found. On the couch, with her papers, where she likely put them but will never admit it.
     
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Sorry. I'm taking the side of the difficult children... 'cause... I still do it. I'll go Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) remembering to tell husband something... to the point that I don't actually SAY it. And yet sometimes I'm SURE he just doesn't remember... and I might even be right some of the time. Our answer? write it down. Leave notes. scribble on the calendar. SOMETHING physical. (I've been known to leave notes taped to doorknobs... )
     
  11. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    IC, that might work well for you but with difficult child 1 and his brain-hand disconnect, there is no way in hades he's going to write anything. But I highly doubt that you'd repeatedly accuse your husband of being deaf because he didn't hear your unspoken words and then push and push and push that it was HIS fault for not hearing you. There is a b--i--g difference.
     
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    :rofl: Oh Ya??? been there done that for... 20 years. Really. It IS his hearing, it HAS to be. But... yes, I get the brain-hand disconnect... difficult child has that, and... Occupational Therapist (OT) is doing wonders.
     
  13. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Might be a good lesson for dealing with some people later. If its not in writing it didn't happen. Of course then they'll want everything in writing.
     
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