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Anyone else dealing with a pathological/compulsive liar?
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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 429096" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>Maybe its "neither"?</p><p> </p><p>We got broadsided by our latest professional's analysis... but her approach makes more sense than anything else we've seen or heard... Be careful with the label. If this child has executive function issues (often part of ADHD, can be off-the-map severe), and/or working memory issues, and/or Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD) or a host of other input/output issues, then SOME of what you are seeing really isn't lying... Part of it is inaccurate memory (they THINK they remember it that way, but it isn't the way it happened). Part of it is poor social skills - so they go overboard in trying to impress or fit in... and it flops, of course.</p><p> </p><p>We found out that ours has been telling "lies" non-stop since early in Elementary school. When he told the truth, teachers didn't believe him. So, he learned to tell them what they wanted to hear, which surprisingly works quite often. Its just that... a kid can't cover all the bases, and doesn't know when to use that strategy and when not to... so, they get blasted by the "lying" label - and then they have NO idea what they are doing wrong, because the just did 10 other "lies" like it, and those were all fine...</p><p> </p><p>Some of these kids are also really suggestible. And they READ social cues far better than it seems... they just don't know what to do with all that info, so they don't respond the way we expect.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, some of the statements will be deliberate lies. And therein lies the knotty problem. When is it really a lie?</p><p> </p><p>Homework not handed in? was it a lie? or, did he really think that he already did it, or that putting it in his binder was the same thing, or that his aide was supposed to do it, or... in reality, he probably does not remember why it isn't handed in. We're learning to back up from the lie, figure out what was really happening, and work through an alternative approach for next time. We're just at the front end of this - trying to get the school to buy in - but at home, we've really reduced his need to lie. We don't even use that word or the associated label any more. He makes "mis-statements". They may be inaccurate or untrue, but we try to not get wrapped up on motive. The statement was made for a reason. Peel back the reason... and you can start working on missing skills, unlearned behaviors, or bad habits...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 429096, member: 11791"] Maybe its "neither"? We got broadsided by our latest professional's analysis... but her approach makes more sense than anything else we've seen or heard... Be careful with the label. If this child has executive function issues (often part of ADHD, can be off-the-map severe), and/or working memory issues, and/or Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD) or a host of other input/output issues, then SOME of what you are seeing really isn't lying... Part of it is inaccurate memory (they THINK they remember it that way, but it isn't the way it happened). Part of it is poor social skills - so they go overboard in trying to impress or fit in... and it flops, of course. We found out that ours has been telling "lies" non-stop since early in Elementary school. When he told the truth, teachers didn't believe him. So, he learned to tell them what they wanted to hear, which surprisingly works quite often. Its just that... a kid can't cover all the bases, and doesn't know when to use that strategy and when not to... so, they get blasted by the "lying" label - and then they have NO idea what they are doing wrong, because the just did 10 other "lies" like it, and those were all fine... Some of these kids are also really suggestible. And they READ social cues far better than it seems... they just don't know what to do with all that info, so they don't respond the way we expect. Yes, some of the statements will be deliberate lies. And therein lies the knotty problem. When is it really a lie? Homework not handed in? was it a lie? or, did he really think that he already did it, or that putting it in his binder was the same thing, or that his aide was supposed to do it, or... in reality, he probably does not remember why it isn't handed in. We're learning to back up from the lie, figure out what was really happening, and work through an alternative approach for next time. We're just at the front end of this - trying to get the school to buy in - but at home, we've really reduced his need to lie. We don't even use that word or the associated label any more. He makes "mis-statements". They may be inaccurate or untrue, but we try to not get wrapped up on motive. The statement was made for a reason. Peel back the reason... and you can start working on missing skills, unlearned behaviors, or bad habits... [/QUOTE]
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Anyone else dealing with a pathological/compulsive liar?
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