SORRY! I'm in a MAJOR funk. I am tired and depressed. I am not feeling it this season. difficult child is taken care of and it's probably the last yr he'll believe (almost 7.5 and a bit of questioning has been happening). Cute - he wants to prove to his classmate that Santa is REAL. husband has been out of work for over a yr, but things are OK for us due to my full time job with-bene's. We got our tree for the first time ever, really early for us, 2nd week of Dec. I HATE, HATE, HATE shopping in person. Never have liked it. Even when my mom would take me every spring and fall for school clothes. She's a shopping hound, but in every awesome way possible. She always gets the best at the least amount. She looks and looks and compares. She's very sensible about how and what she spends on. I on the other hand DEPLORE shopping. It was always the bane of our existence shopping. We'd leave the house happy and come home enemies. My Dad hated that. Sorry, that said, I have no spirit this year. I am sad. Why? I don't know. PMS. YES. I guess that's why, but I feel it's something else. We canceled on a family members xmas eve party that we go to every year (I-we don't want to deal and want to stay home). I just feel like I haven't done enough for my parents and mother in law/SFIL. It pains me. They do so much for us. We can't repay it & I know they don't expect us to. Even though they know we can't do more and don't expect it. For me it's about making the last believing xmas for my kid, and although I know I am lucky that they don't care. I still feel awful. I put too much pressure on myself for no reason. I know it is what it is and what is done is done, but I stlil feel bad about it. thank you for letting me vent.