Anyone Else not Feel it This Season? Mostly a Rant.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jal, Dec 23, 2009.

  1. jal

    jal Member

    SORRY!

    I'm in a MAJOR funk. I am tired and depressed. I am not feeling it this season. difficult child is taken care of and it's probably the last yr he'll believe (almost 7.5 and a bit of questioning has been happening). Cute - he wants to prove to his classmate that Santa is REAL. husband has been out of work for over a yr, but things are OK for us due to my full time job with-bene's. We got our tree for the first time ever, really early for us, 2nd week of Dec.

    I HATE, HATE, HATE shopping in person. Never have liked it. Even when my mom would take me every spring and fall for school clothes. She's a shopping hound, but in every awesome way possible. She always gets the best at the least amount. She looks and looks and compares. She's very sensible about how and what she spends on. I on the other hand DEPLORE shopping. It was always the bane of our existence shopping. We'd leave the house happy and come home enemies. My Dad hated that.

    Sorry, that said, I have no spirit this year.

    I am sad. Why? I don't know.

    PMS. YES. I guess that's why, but I feel it's something else.

    We canceled on a family members xmas eve party that we go to every year (I-we don't want to deal and want to stay home).

    I just feel like I haven't done enough for my parents and mother in law/SFIL. It pains me. They do so much for us. We can't repay it & I know they don't expect us to. Even though they know we can't do more and don't expect it.



    For me it's about making the last believing xmas for my kid, and although I know I am lucky that they don't care. I still feel awful.

    I put too much pressure on myself for no reason. I know it is what it is and what is done is done, but I stlil feel bad about it.

    thank you for letting me vent.
     
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Jal, I'm sorry.

    It sounds as if you need to take care of you. Are you seeing a therapist? Have you thought about medications for yourself? I know -- you don't necessarily want to go there. But A LOT of us on the board find that we need to to deal with the ongoing stress of parenting a difficult child.

    About 4 years ago I started taking a low dose of an AD. I stopped after a while and found I really needed it to stay sane. It takes the edge off just enough so I don't end up screaming all day at my kids. Honest.

    This spring, when we found out our son was headed off to wilderness and then to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I discovered I really needed to talk to a professional about my feelings surrounding this huge step in our life. It really has helped. Maybe you need someone to talk to, too.

    Hugs. I hope things improve for you soon.
     
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    What I have found helps me when depressed, is DOING. I get busy with my hands. At first I really have to push myself, but once I get over the initial inertia it gets easier.

    Next thing - what we did this yer, we got busy baking. I had a cookie press I bought some years ago for a gift and never gave it, so I opened it up and began to use it. It was a lot of fun! I was baking with easy child 2/difficult child 2 and her friend, plus I got difficult child 3 involved a bit too. You could get your difficult child involved and get him to make some cookies for Santa. I baked about 4 litres of cookies in a range of shapes and colours. The girls got half, I've got the other half which I got difficult child 3 to bag up so I can give them to friends at church on Christmas Day.
    I also got the bread machine busy making panettone - it's also fun to make. Any bread dough is very therapeutic when you're feeling depressed or angry. It's a bit late to make a gingerbread house, but that is a wonderful project to make with kids (even those who have outgrown Santa!).

    In our family, Santa comes to all those under high school age (about 11 in Australia). That takes away the need for kids to fake beleif as they get older in order to get tat extra gift from Santa. The Santa gift was never wrapped (we often chose the ones tat were trickier to wrap!) and the kids got that one first thing in the morning. All our other gift unwrapping has to wait until after church.
    With the Santa gift, knowing it stops with entry to high school made it easier to wean them off it and also resolve the belief issue. Generally the kids had outgrown belief in Santa by high school (well and truly!) except for difficult child 3. I never wanted to tell him about Santa when he was little, I think I had already realised he would have problems. But some relatives would NOT respect our choices and I was so angry, but the damage was done. And I think difficult child 3 still believes in Santa, at 15. But with Santa no longer visiting (because there are so many children in the world who are younger and need him more) I think it's been easier for difficult child 3 to not cling so much to the idea.

    My sister has a German husband and their family custom was always - the kids get to open ONE gift from the tree with their name on it, on Chritmas Eve. Plus my sister would (again on Christmas Eve) have a bowl of sweets for each family member, with their name on it. It's up to them when they eat them. They can scoff the lot immediately, or ration them over the next week or more.

    Marg
     
  4. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I'm with you, I think this holiday hoovers big time. GIMME, GIMME, GIMME! Have you seen the Victoria's Secret TV ad for Christmas? How did our society reach this point?
     
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jal,
    I'm sorry for your pain this Christmas season. I agree with sw about taking care of you. It is so important. For me that means getting in some exercise; for others it is something different.

    Christmas is my favorite season but this year I have been in and out of the holiday spirit so I can definitely relate as I've been more out than in this year. Gentle hugs.
     
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Christmas has always been a hard time of year for me. I think it is for many people.

    Dont necessarily think that you have to give up on Santa just because your son will be growing up. I know my kids knew realistically what the truth was but we always still kept up the image of them believing including writing to Santa and watching the tracking of him on TV....lol. I always told them that if they ever told me they didnt believe then they wouldnt get presents from Santa! They never admitted they quit believing until the grandkids came along and they could become Santa...lol.

    If you can, find the episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter from last night. He went into great lengths to convince his son (age 10 I think) that Santa is real. It was adorable.
     
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Wow, my kids ALL believed in Santa, even at 8, 9, 10, 11... My 13yo still firmly believes, which surprises me a bit, but then he is very different from the other two. My 10yo easy child is pretty much figuring out how it works (friends at school, no doubt). difficult child 1 probably knows the deal, but he's not saying -- and that's just as well. When they ask us about SC being real or believing in him, I just say that I believe and that I know he stops coming to your house when you stop believing ;)

    It's been a lukewarm year for my Christmas spirit. Which is better than the direction it was heading last month before I adjusted my medications.

    Don't beat yourself up over how you think you "should" feel.
     
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    JAL--

    I am sorry you are feeling so low this year....

    I hope you end up enjoying a peaceful holiday anyway.
     
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    OkY dOKEY -

    Can we revisit that Victorias Secret Christmas Ad? I have some OBservations. First....If you watch the one where the bra pushes up 2 cup sizes? Okay - fine - that's quite a lot of clever-age. I'm impressed. But then you see the same girl....3 shots later....walking down the runway in a not so pushy bra - and there is NO way that first bra she had on was pushing what she has naturally into only an additional 2 cup sizes.

    NO WAY - I'm telling you - when they say the TV ads - 10 lbs....they mean to each breast. Talk about false advertisement.

    THAT commercial alone is enough to put anyone in a non-holiday spirit.

    How do I KNOW? I went to VS and asked them what THAT particular bra would do for ME. :tongue: I figured if it increased her (girl on tv) 2 cup sizes as advertised....it should put me in F troup. :laugh:

    THEY LIE.....THEY LIE......

    I bet that thing had 1/2 a Serta perfect sleeper in it.
     
  10. jal

    jal Member

    Thank you all for your replies.

    It was very hard leading up to the day this week and not so much so that it's difficult child's last year of really believing, but moreover that I AM EXHAUSTED.

    I had only taken 6 days of vacation the whole year. No sick days at all. I saved 4 for this weeks vacation which is great. Not that it should matter as I am salary, but they do the whole voluntary shutdown thing. In my last job (which i lost because of difficult child & was there for 9 yrs) I had a lot more vaca time, so that's been a hard adjustment.

    Anyway, it went off with-out a hitch. difficult child was so cute and happy as was husband (my husband is great any and most of the time - TG!). We had a lovely day first @ home then at mother in law's and then @ my parents.

    I am looking forward to downtime this week which is much needed.

    Again, thank you for the well wishes. I do feel better.

    Was a great day for vegging and reading. husband got me a great book called "The Horse Boy" about a man trying to save his autistic child thru horses and shamans. A true story. I'm already halfway thru from this am.

    I have gumbo on the stove and I'm staying home in my pj's tomorrow again to finish my book. Yeah, me!

    Happy holidays to all and thank you.
     
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'm glad you're feeling better. I had a rough week myself last week, constantly upset on the verge of tears etc. Fortunately for me (and the difficult children - all THREE) - Saturday (our Christmas as Jett did not return til noon that day), it was a nice calm day. If I could have more of those - !

    Today not quite so good, but better than it has been.

    SO - my point here is - this year has been rough on everyone. Yeah, the economy has tanked, but I think there's more to it than that. I don't know, though... But thank heavens for this board!!!

    HUGS to you - you made it!
     
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