anyone have a difficult child husband?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Apr 27, 2011.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi

    so yea thats what i was wondering anyone have a difficult child husband either diagnosed or undiagnosed yet your gut knows because they act similar to the difficult child kids?

    if so how do you cope with it? do you cope with it? did you leave it? LOL> just curious.......

    my first marriage was a gfgworld marriage. i left him, couldn't hack the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) stuff and depression and ups and downs adn him not getting help for it. was too much chaos.
     
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Would never call husband a difficult child. Ever. Remember that old Ann Landers quote? "Are you better off with him or without him?" I vote "better off with". So, still together 20+ years later.

    BUT... probably Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD), likely ADHD, maybe some depression. So, there are times when things get tense and/or intense and/or insane. And it makes for crazy genetics (add to my ADHD, likely anxiety, who knows what else) in the kids!

    Why am I better off with him? Have you ever seen him stand up to the idiots in the medical and school communities? This fellow has PRESENCE, the detailed trap of a mind for details usually only seen in lawyers, and impeccable people skills (in public). At home, he keeps track of trends, events, recurrences, etc. - all the details I need for appointments. He flags problems I miss (and vice versa).

    We're just hoping we get a few years to enjoy each other without the pressures of the kids!
     
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    :rofl: Do I have a difficult child husband? :rofl:

    Please, girl, trust me, you don't want to get me started.

    Autism, depression, and addictive personality. 28 yrs worth.

    Funny thing with me though..........There are soooooooooooo many difficult children in my family.......sibs, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, neices, nephews......That it's almost almost normal.

    I learned to deal with gfgdom many years before husband came along. So I did him the same way I do any other difficult child. We had our bumps and head on collisions......But for the most part, it's ok. Would be better if he could get back on the trazadone again though. ugh Turns surly PITA grumpy bear man back into a human being who doesn't switch moods in the blink of an eye.

    Gfgdom is why I judge a person based on their behavior, not what comes outta their mouth. Learned that lesson very very young. Anyone can talk the talk, but can they walk the walk. Know what I mean??

    husband has stuff that drives me nuts. But as long as the good stuff outweighs the stuff that drives me crazy....we're good.
     
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Which husband?

    Miss KT's father, Husband 2.0, is a full-blown sociopathic difficult child who manages to hide his issues very well up to a point. We were together 7 years, married for 3 of those years. Once we got married, he really let the crazies out. He's in his 50's, lives in a house his mother owns, drives a truck his mother gave him, and lives off an allowance from...you guessed it...his mother. Apparently all of that is my fault.

    Now, for my Hubby, Husband 3.0. He has ADD, and was not diagnosis'd until after we were married. He always worked, held down a decent job, basically had a normal life till I came into it, made him go back to school, and pushed him to be the best he could. He's a good man, steady and dependable, and can now focus his intelligence in a way that he really wasn't doing before the diagnosis and the medications.
     
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yes, my H is a difficult child sometimes, heck, most of the time probably. Funny how much I don't notice anymore, but on the other hand, I'm a bit of a difficult child also! Lol (exh was/is a HUGE difficult child).
     
  6. P-nut2004

    P-nut2004 New Member

    :yes: As indicated by my signature LoL my husband is my oldest 'kid', he was diagnosed ADHD as kid and def still has it but never would take medications, I also say he has CRS (yes I know its not a real diagnosis, for those of you who dont know it's Cant Remember Sh*&%) he literally forgets anything that is not interesting to him so it doesn't matter how far in advance I tell him about something he forgets it and he cannot remember any schedules, routines etc which makes dealing with difficult child even harder. Most days he comes in from work, eats & plants himself on the sofa where he stays (watching tv or playing ps3) and falls asleep until I wake him up to come to bed. He has mood swings too but anytime I try to point out any 'odd' behavior or ill mood he literally tells me I am imagining it or its me thats in a bad mood. So YES my husband is def still a 'difficult child' and alot of the time the bad outweighs the good but honestly I cannot work right now because of difficult child & other issues we have ongoing as well as my own mental health so I don't have much choice but to tolerate it the best I can.
     
  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hmmm, Really???? After more psychiatric hospital admits than I can count, suicide attempts, drug issues, Yeah, I would say so.
     
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i'm sorry some of you guys had me weak laughing....... seriously............

    crazymamma you are my idol seriously..... amazing how you do it all!!!


    Pnut CRS hysterical!! Jo yea i can totally get that one..... i was a difficult child also..... no duh,... really shocking lol. Lisa, Mary with the which husband? LOL.

    ok this should be a funny thread...... who else..........has one...........

    who knew this thread would bring me so much happiness lol...........
     
  9. troubled

    troubled Guest

    I was but I divorced him after 3 1/2 years of hell and back. If there is one difficult child in a room full of available men, I'm betting he heads straight for me.
     
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Yes - and no. husband is technically a difficult child in that we believe he has Asperger's. He has a short fuse sometimes, especially if difficult child 2 pushes his buttons. husband was raised with "Kids have to show respect to their parents" And would get on his high horse if difficult child 3 began to rge. Still does, he's had to work really hard to not blow a gasket.

    And that's where husband is NOT a difficult child. He makes an effort, big time, and is making good progress. He sees that progress is needed, what's more. He is a member of this forum and we talk regularly about what is working and what isn't. We are a great team, we support one another. it really helps.

    Marg
     
  11. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I'm so blessed with my current s/o. easy child's father however? Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) doesn't touch his level of obsessing (among other difficult child traits). There was the "Time of the Chicken Coop". Yup. Living smack in the center of a town of 56K population with a postage stamp backyard but he decided we'd be chicken keepers and he would design the best ever urban chicken coop setup this side of ... well ... planet earth I suppose. Had it mapped out on the living floor (in his head). I am NOT , I repeat NOT kidding about this next part. About 2 weeks into non-stop day/night chicken coop researching and planning and engineering in his head, he was standing one afternoon in the living room and was doing measurements (of the imaginary coop he was picturing in his mind to try to figure out workable dimensions). difficult child comes strolling in off the school bus and runs through the house to tell me about his day. Takes about 3 steps into the living room when ex bellows STOP! You're in the chicken coop! difficult child had a utter look of confusion and I lost it, laughed so hard. He honestly sulked for days that I'd laugh at his "vision" and accused me of being non-supportive. I remember replying I'd be fully supportive once there were fresh chicken eggs in the house, I'd support him by cooking them up for a hot breakfast ;). Can't begin to describe The Year Of the Magic: The Gathering Cards. Or the Great Rubbermaid Collection of 1999!
     
  12. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    So after my first response, sorry it was a gut reaction, how do I cope? Sometimes I really don't know. I try to see what is the illness and what is husband. It is not easy. I take my medications and see my therapist. I try to make sure that I see husband as a person, and not a collection of his diagnosis's. He had a horrible childhood, lots of really severe physical abuse, emotional abuse. Was not allowed to sleep.......did chores after school untill 2am and then was woken up at 4am with a 5gallon bucket of ice cold pond water thrown on him to wake him up and do chores again, only allowed to shower once a week while in high school, beatings so bad he was knocked out and left bloody, a step mom who hid her cigarettes under the boys' mattress and would tell their dad when he got home that they stole them so they got beat, etc etc.

    husband has done well not to repeat the cycle of violence. He has never beaten the kids, spanked every so often when they were younger yes, but not out of control. They only time he has been aggressive or there has been a threat of violence is when he was manic, and then it was not as severe as his childhood. Is there any doubt as to why he is so messed up now? Not really.

    Sometimes it is really all I can do to keep putting one foot in front of the other, to keep on keeping on. Work for me is a sanity saver, and when I cannot go to work due to illness/injury? I start to not do so well with stuff. Work is the one place that is predictable, where I have more control.

    Granted, my husband is way more of a difficult child than most difficult child husband's.
     
  13. My husband is married to a difficult child! I asked him how he handled this. He said he still hasn't figured it out yet. Hmmph! Well, he's not such a prize, either.
     
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    My husband is definitely a difficult child - and a lot like pnut's - has SEVERE CRS.

    But - I see him trying (besides trying my patience). He has been there when I needed him - when we had to put Weasel to sleep, when my grandma passed, and a few other times. I can't sleep without him near (though with the current injection schedule, if he grabs my rear in his sleep again, I won't just yell next time).

    We're trying to have him evaluated for ADHD, though we got told yesterday that 1) the VA "doesn't do that" and 2) he would "just end up on a lot of medications anyway". (This set me off, but that's another story.) He fits all the markers.

    He has some health issues, and I'm pretty sure the medications don't help with the ADHD symptoms.

    BUT - considering the source (mother in law and father in law are... Yeah, won't go there), he's wonderful.

    And he truly does love me and the kids.
     
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Lemme see -

    He's 5'10"
    182 lbs.
    Rippling muscles
    Wide shoulders
    Tiny hiney
    Long golden blonde hair
    Beautiful white smile
    Piercing blue eyes
    Wicked sense of humor
    Picks me wild flowers on the way home not store bought flowers
    He loves animals
    He sings in my ear
    He has a deep rhaspy N.Dakota/Sweedish voice
    He's a former biker
    He's honest, faithful,
    He cooks
    He's sober
    He knows how to not look at other women and keep his mouth shut about it
    We've never had an arguement but have agreed to disagree
    He worked as a plumber and gave me 90% of his paycheck
    We've been together 12 years

    Yup I'd call that a Gift from God.

    Then life happened, he broke his back, etc......etc......etc......and mostly? I'd still say he's a gift.
     
  16. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ok Star damn does he have a brother?? LOL :)

    the rest oh how oh how do we do it?? seriously there are awards given out for woman like us!!!!

    i've come to realize my own prize package is a non sleeper. 3 a.m. is when he goes down now, as of late. he states' i'm not manic as he's standing in kitchen at 3 am. devouring contents of cabinets lol. oh my god!!!!

    forgetting? umm yea........ i'd say so there's a broken chair in my den, christmas lights i just took down last week that he was getting to a broken gps that he was sending in to replace i get lost giong down the block. so yes he took has the i forget thing. he cant' sit still hardly ever except to sleep or maybe watch a movie. his brain clicks 24/7 with good and bad i think. lol.

    the fact he works as he does i think is mostly to cope with his own hyperactivity. we speak of it and he says no way there's nothing wrong with me LOL.

    oh yea and we all know how hyper sexual he is. as a kid he said he'd sit up in bed like my difficult child till 3 a.m. rocking and singing back and forth....... yet back than they didnt' take you to doctor's and before his football games he'd get so excited he'd throw up.

    can anyone say bipolar or maybe add??? I CAN! :)
     
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