Anyone have a map? I am so lost!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Steely, Jun 7, 2007.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Well, once again, my difficult child has started a new school. This is his zillionth try at schooling in his 16 little years, and I am beyond lost with it all. :cry:

    To make a long story short - in 5th grade I took him out of public school to place him in a therapeutic private school. He lasted there one year, and they asked him to leave. "He was too much to handle." I then enrolled him in another therapeutic private school, the only other one in Dallas, and after one year he was once again asked to leave because he "was too much to handle." At this point I decided to homeschool him for a couple of years, got a divorce, got his medications to a point where I thought he was truly stabilized, and tried to overhaul his and my life. Fast Forward to 9th grade, where I found a school that taught individual classes. He spent his 9th grade year, happy and stable - but once again, at that year mark he exploded in class and was expelled. :mad:

    His tenth grade year has been spent with him floundering, and becoming unstable again. We tried the homeschool thing again, and he refused to do most of the work. His grandpa was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer, and his Dad reappeared in his life after being on a 10 year hiatus - both of these things caused him to eventually become unstable again, and end up in the hospital a couple of months ago. His medications are once again stable, and he seems mentally pretty healthy, so I insisted he get back into school. I found a half day charter school, and enrolled him - and he started today.

    We drove up to the school today and he just lost it. I mean I could tell he was having a huge anxiety attack, chest pains, rapid breathing, etc. but what is there to do except power through it? He just kept going on and on about how "he would fail in this school too", and he "could not do this successfully" and how he knew he would "get really mad and do something that he regrets". Unfortunately I just lost it - I mean all of my frustration just exploded all over him and I said things I really regret. Through my tantrum I managed to get him out of the car (really a proud moment for me) - and he walked into school feeling like he was not capable of being a success there.

    Here is my question, my dilemma, and my conundrum. How does one know when a mentally ill person really is NOT capable of handling the stress?????? And if he not able to handle the stress of just a half day school - then what is his future going to hold?? In my opinion, if he cannot make it at this school - then his future looks pretty bleak - as in a highschool dropout that lives with me the rest of his life!
    Noooooo! :cry:
    And if I push him to go to this school, and he really is not capable, what if he gets arrested for blowing up in class? Have I not just completely set him up to fail?

    Thanks in advance!
     
  2. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    aw amber, you and he have been thru so much upheaval. sometimes I think we need to keep pushing them, they will bounce back. he was afraid and given his history..righfully so.

    take it one day at a time. that is all anyone can do.
     
  3. branbran

    branbran New Member

    So sorry things are so rough for you and him, I know what that is like. It seems everything we try for my dauhgter doesn't work either. I just keep fighting with the hope that one day something will make a difference. I refuse to believe there isn't hope for our children, they can have a future!! I have to believe that just to function. It just hurt's too much to believe otherwise. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of day's that I feel so utterly hopeless. It hurt's so much sometime's, I can't understand how I could feel so emotionally devastated yet my body keep's on working. How am I breathing? The pain is suffocating. So if my body keep's in motion, it's for a reason, keep fighting, this must be our purpose in life. How lucky are we? lol

    Keep fighting, there are brighter day's ahead for us, all of us!! :smile:
     
  4. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    I don't have an answer for you, but I feel for you and difficult child. Of all difficult child's problems, it's the anxiety that nearly does us in.
     
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Thanks guys - he got home from his first day and managed to do fine socially - but the work was totally over his head and he could not do any of it. After today he has decided to "give up on life".
    Greeaaaat!!!!!! He has decided school will never be for him, blah, blah, blah.

    I just can't go there with him right now. We both so totally needed this school to work out, that I feel like someone has just let the air out of me. I am tired of fighting for what I know could be. We will resume this battle in the fall, when I can get more Special Education help for him at the school.

    BranBran - I am so with you. I refuse to give up - refuse to believe there is no hope for my son........but there are days, like today, that I feel completely dried up, useless, and hopeless. I am tired of this battle, and resentful that someone else has not stepped up in our life to help us. How can these dead beat Dads just let us always be the ones to pick up the pieces? How can other relatives not want to step in and take up the cross? How can it be, that I am the only one ready to lay my life down for my son's success?
     
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Amber, this has got to be so hard for both him and you.

    Can you talk to the school about meeting your difficult child where he is academically? The level of the work shouldn't be a deterrent to his staying there.

    However, if for some reason this school doesn't work out, do you think difficult child would consider going back to homeschooling and actually doing the work? There are students who are homeschooled throughout high school and actually go on to college and/or jobs.

    Sorry things are so rough right now.
     
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