Anyone have difficult child that are LAZY????

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jewel1, Jun 7, 2007.

  1. Jewel1

    Jewel1 New Member

    I have a question for you guys....another one LOL...

    My 10yr old difficult child, who was diagnosed with-ADD and now possibly has generalized anxiety disorder...(*at this point who knows) is attending the YMCA day camp throughout the summer...well, he is blond hair/blue/green eyes & burns/tans easily. He swims daily...and I slather him down in sunscreen in the am daily...then he takes the tube with-him to the YMCA. They are SUPPOSED to re-coat themselves after lunch before they go swimming. Yesterday when I picked him up, the instructor/organizer...told me "your son Bradley...boy is he RED!!!" "Doesn't he use sunscreen???" ARRRGGHHHHHH!!!

    I'm so tired of him not attempting to do anything on his own!!! He just flat out refuses to do it, and if he does it, he doesn't know the proper amount to use or anything! He is 10yrs old, will be 11 in July! Does anybody have a difficult child that acts this way?? I have to force him to do most anything...he doesn't even take his own bath....he barely hangs up his own clothes...just got him to put his dirty clothes in a hamper. He does take his dirty plates to the sink after dinner & rinses them off...but that is the extent of it. Everything usually ends up in an argument, & I am trying to make him independent...I'm TIRED of doing everything....

    Any suggestions?????
    Jewel
     
  2. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member

    My difficult child won't even take his dirty plates to the sink without an argument. I couldn't even imagine him putting on sunscreen or even giving the sunscreen to the instructor in the morning. Even when difficult child has homework to turn in, I have to email his resource room teacher to make sure it gets turned in and not left in his backpack.

    I wouldn't say he's lazy, because he has plenty of energy to go out and ride his bike. He's not forgetful either, because he remembers to throw away or hide important notes from his teacher before I see his agenda.
     
  3. dirobb

    dirobb I am a CD addict

    Jewel,
    speaking only for myself...My difficult child is just short of 14 and your list is a daily struggle here. He is responsible for his own laundry has a whole day, but never seems to do more than two loads with excessive prompting.

    INDEPENDENCE ...such a lovely thought...I can only dream at this point.

    Sorry I don't have any suggestions for you. But I certainly feel for you.
     
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Trying to remember my daughter at 12. Oh, yeah. She was a slob. She is a slob. Sadly, she's a slob on the truly disgusting side. At home, she was extremely lazy and would only do something when seriously prodded. However, when she has a job she is a good worker. Heck, she's such a good worker that her manager even gave her a letter of recommendation after he fired her.

    From my friends and neighbors, I think the type of laziness is fairly typical for kids, especially boys, of that age. You're two steps ahead of many parents in that he puts dirty clothes in his hamper (heck, my daughter's hamper was more to hide dirty dishes in than it was to put clothes even in at 19 and 20) and rinses out his plate.

    As for the sunscreen issue, I'm wondering why the Y doesn't remind the kids to put it on after lunch. Seems like that would make more sense than expecting kids who have played all morning, just eaten and are going to get to play again to remember. I'm willing to bet he's not the only kid who forgot.
     
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I didn't even read the replies from others because this questions only made me think of one reply:

    Does anyone have a difficult child who's NOT lazy??? :smile:
     
  6. Jewel1

    Jewel1 New Member

    To answer your question as to if the Y reminds them after lunch to put on sunscreen, the organizer/boss says "Yes they do remind the kids after lunch"...its just that Bradley chooses to either A) ignore the request, or B) just doesn't do it.

    Then I hear last night after his bath, which I had to mostly do...RRGGGHHH, "ouch that hurts..don't you care???"...and when you re-iterate to him about what he SHOULD have done & what he DID do...then he comes back with "I don't want to talk about it"...

    All he does when he comes home with-me, is go to his new bedroom (we just moved) & turn on his stereo...or go out to living room & plunk down in the sofa...hasn't even remotely tried to organize his new room...he has an attitude show up regarding that one....if he doesn't care about it, he won't do anything.

    I'm just plain tired of it.
    Do any of your difficult child's have an issue with-eating dinner? Do any of them worry or constantly ask you about what we are having to eat??? Then put on a fight/or shi*fit if he has to eat the stuff?? Some of his behavior reminds me of a much younger kid...which upsets me!
     
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Jewel. Try the spray on sunscreen he might be more willing if it is easier. I am also wondering if it is a tactile thing.
    My difficult child got a horrid sunburn once that got his doctor ripping mad at me until he found out that difficult child had lied to us he told his father that I had put it on him and told me that husband had done it.
    When I relayed this to the doctor he gave difficult child a lecture about sunburn and cancer. difficult child has developed dark moles on his back that have to be monitered. I truly believe the two are related. -RM
     
  8. wldinnh

    wldinnh New Member

    My difficult child is only a difficult child at home. Everywhere else she's a rule follower, responsible and mature. However, if someone told her to put sunscreen on, she would do one heck of a poor job! She's so paranoid about getting it in her eyes she'd probably only do her face from the nose down, she'd skim over the rest of her body hitting and missing, and I doubt she'd ask anyone to do her back for her. I think the Y should be monitoring them putting this on, not just reminding them to do it. I bet most kids that age are coming home with sunburns in some form.
     
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    difficult child 1 is 18.

    He hit a deer with my car that I've been letting him drive. All he has to do is FIND the parts, I will pick them up and do the work (he has to pay for them and he has the money). He's been without the car for over 2 weeks now because he hasn't bothered to call and find who has the parts. Too lazy to make a phone call to get his wheels back on the road.

    Also refuses to do anymore chores in the house this summer cause husband doesn't do chores in the house (he also doesn't come home til dark from mowing yards and putting up hay, part of which difficult children COWS EAT!) Grrrr...
     
  10. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I don't know that it's laziness. It's just that there are so many better things to do.

    You have to DO to GET (slsh uses this one a lot). If you want to go back in the pool, you have to put on sunscreen. If you want to leave the kitchen table, you have to rinse your dishes. If you want to hang out in your room, it has to be tidy. If you want clean clothes, they have to be in the hamper so you can find them on laundry day. Period. No discussion or argument (although a reminder is probably necessary). They get tired of trying to argue when there is no response.
     
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Totally sounds like my difficult child. Although some days I would be happy if he would just go to his room or plop down in front of the tv because he is not the least bit independent at all!
     
  12. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I don't know anyone lazier than my 19 year old.
     
  13. Luminosity

    Luminosity New Member

    my difficult child is lazy too, asking him to do anything is a fight.... unless HE wants something from me... then he bends over backwards to get whatever I want done.... I have given up on his room... I just remember to kick a path so that he doesn't trip and break something or I don't trip when I go to shut off his tv at night. I hope one day he will grow out of it.... this doesn't give me hope...lol

    Lumi
     
  14. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Jewel,

    My difficult children put new meaning into the word LAZY!!! Getting them to do anything at all can be a living H-LL!!! They both have chores that they are expected to do daily such as putting away their clean laundry, putting their dirty clothes in the hamper, cleaning up after themselves if they miss the toilet, taking out the trash, getting the newspaper, etc... None of these things take much time or are very difficult. However, just asking difficult child 2 to get the paper can sometimes be enough to send him into a rage. :grrr: difficult child 1 will just flatly refuse to do anything unless I remind him that if he doesn't do his chores, he'll lose "Reward Time" (playing games on his computer). I have to stop myself from taking the easy way out and just doing these things myself.

    The bottom line is, my difficult children refuse to do anything unless there is something in it for them!!! :grrr: They are both totally self-centered and believe the world should revolve around them!!! :grrr:

    Although some members don't believe in a "Reward" system, this has been the only thing that has helped with my difficult children. They each have a written list of what they are expected to do every day, along with a Daily Schedule. We keep a "Reward" chart on our refrigerator. Living like this is H-LL!!! Unfortunately, my difficult children respond best to schedules, routines, and "Rewards". We try to use natural consequences as much as possible. I wish I had some better advice for you.

    I don't think there is a right or wrong approach to getting difficult children to do what is expected of them. I think that whatever works for you is the way to go. Unfortunately, I don't think my difficult children are capable of seeing things from any point of view except their own.

    Unfortunately, the natural consequences of not putting on sunscreen is a sunburn. It's a nasty way to have to learn that sunscreen is necessary!!! I hope your difficult child's burn isn't too bad!!! I hope he learns to apply sunscreen after this!!! WFEN
     
  15. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think that it is in their job description.

    difficult child = Lazy.

    ~Kathy
     
  16. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I agree. My difficult child is lazy, her favorite pastime is sleeping and napping. She was hoping that after graduation she could become a mattress tester of sorts in a mattress factory. difficult child has piles of clothes all over her floor. The dirty ones are next to her bed where they land when she removes them at night. On the other side and on the chair are the clean ones...though after a while it gets difficult to tell where one pile ends and the other begins. Hmmm.

    Yes, difficult child = Lazy; Can't be bothered...
     
  17. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    My son has 3 problems that are attributed to lazy:

    1 - fine and gross motor skills (even though he has the hyperactivity with-ADHD, he also has fine and gross motor skill problems. Writing, walking, running, etc., tires him after a while. It just takes more energy for him than the regular kid. (It appears to be laziness.)

    2 - organizing things so he can tackle a job like cleaning his room, homework, etc., is overwhelming so he avoids or shuts down. (It appears to be laziness.)

    3- then there are the times it is just pure laziness and/or he just doesn't want to do a task like picking up limbs from the yard. When he was little, he use to say he was allergic to work. lol Some things never change, I guess. When he has to take a break from doing "x" after 5 minutes because he is sooooo tired, but takes that break jumping on the trampoline I put it in the "don't want to"/lazy category. lol
     
  18. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Exactly what Heather says. to many better things to do. difficult child will cut the lawn and do chores if there is nothing else to do. But usually the computer or game systems win out.
    It isn't worth the fight. I do the laundry, fold the clothes. Because of my elbow I cannot bring the baskets up. If husband brings them up he usually puts them away for everyone. I do not. I tell difficult child that if he needs to get his clothes (all folded) and put them away. That doesn't happen. husband is far to fast and willing to go down stairs (bad knees and all) and get what ever he wants to wear and bring it to him.
    I always worked either 5 am - 5pm, second or third shift. So, I was never home in the morning. husband always had the job of daycare delivery. difficult child was in 4th or 5th grade and husband and I were both home. (doesn't happen often if at all). I noticed him getting difficult child ready in the morning. He put his jacket on the HEAT vent so it would be "warm" for him. I was totally blown away. Seems as if he helped him dress and warmed his jacket forever. I told husband that I don't even pick out his clothes because it is a fight. He gets himself ready and he NEEDS to be getting himself ready. And he wears an "unwarmed" jacket!!
     
  19. Pam R

    Pam R New Member

    > wybtersgrace2 wrote: You have to DO to GET
    > (slsh uses this one a lot).

    My son is like this. But for him, most often it's the EDD getting in his way. He can't see ahead to the consequences, even if it happens over and over and over.

    Right now it's drivers ed. He needs to earn the money to pay for the learner's permit test and do the research on what driving school will be best for him and DMH has offered to pay for the drivers ed.

    But he so far has done none of it. Yesterday we found a truck on Freecycle that would be a good first car, but he must find the money for minor repairs, insurance and registration. This means getting a job and he always has some nonsensical excuse why he can not.

    And now we have the diagnosis, we understand why this happens over and over. He does eventually learn, but it takes dozens, sometimes hundreds, of repetitions for him to "get it".

    He's 16 now and I often despair of him ever surviving on his own, even with help.

    We thought it was laziness, or stubbornness for years. He is not unintelligent, so WHY did he NEVER seem to "get it"?? But once he was diagnosis'd and we found out the severity of the disability, it finally made sense.

    Even though it's much much harder, we do make him do to get. But sometimes it gets awful old: over and over and over....

    Pam R.
     
  20. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yes, Sheila, on a serious level this is exactly what my difficult child struggles with always. In fact, she is not home this weekend and today I am attacked her room - to clear out all the crap she has collected and can't part with and to reorganize her closet so she can "hide' stuff in there when I tell her to clean her room. She is 17 and graduating HS, but it's easier if I just "have at it" 4 times a year than nag her to do it. And she actually will attempt to clean her room, but it seems she never makes much headway or a noticeable difference. It's more like she just reorganizes the 'stuff'. It looks like an abandoned room with a giant mound of clean clothes and a large pile of dirty ones - on either side of the room, but slowly encroaching on one another. There are papers, books and various items covering ever available spot of the dresser, vanity and desk/table. There's just stuff everywhere. Anyway, I'm motivated now - gotta get in there! Thanks for pointing out that it's not mere laziness but often an actual disability.
     
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