Anyone heard from JKF?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by LucyJ, Jun 3, 2014.

  1. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    She said in her thread that she was expecting her son to arrive back in NJ by today (Tuesday, but you're 5+ hours behind me I know).

    I've just been thinking of her and worrying.
  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    I know Lucy. It is Tuesday here. About 10:15 a.m. East Coast time, which is where JKF lives I believe.

    I hope she touches base with us soon.

    Hugs to you today.
  3. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    Thanks for updating us JKF.
    I'm sure you will have lots of helpful and supportive comments posted on your main thread.
  4. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Hi Lucy and COM. Thank you for your concern. It truly touches my heart. My difficult child will officially be back Friday morning at 6:45 am. He has the bus ticket and is leaving there today at 11:30 am. I'm terrified but I'm trying to remain strong and keep going. I'm not going to let him destroy me or the rest of my family. I'm determined to keep going no matter what.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    JFK...we all care about you. Keep checking in so we know you are safe.
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thinking of you JKF.
  7. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    Hi JKF
    Thinking of you today.
    Stay safe.
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  8. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Well it looks like his bus got delayed so he's in NYC now and will be heading into Newark after that. We live about 30 miles west of there and I believe he's going to take a train to where he wants to go. I believe he's planning on going to a town which is about 10 min south of here. He messaged me yesterday and I let him know that one of the tenants in my dad's building just filed charges against him for theft bc difficult child broke into his apartment right before he left and took the guys SS card, bank card, and foodstamps card. He used the bank card in Denver and they have surveillance. So I told difficult child that the police here are looking for him. I feel like that may be a deterrent and keep him from coming here bc he knows the police will be called and he'll get arrested and he doesn't want that. Anyway - I'm a bucket of nerves this morning. At least easy child will be gone on a canoeing trip this weekend so he won't be here if anything happens. Also tomorrow we're having our big annual BBQ and are expecting about 40 people. Some will be staying the night so I'm happy that there will be a little extra backup this weekend just in case. I will keep posting updates. Thank you all for the concern, support, prayers, and good wishes. I wish I could hug each and every one of you right now!!

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  9. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Thinking of you this morning, JKF.

    This is the best thing that could happen. Lots of people, lots of good will be safe and happy!

    Are you doing all the cooking, or is everyone bringing something?

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  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Thinking of you and praying for you and for difficult child.
  11. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    You're going to have beautiful weather this weekend for your BBQ! Enjoy every minute of it. I'll be praying for your strength to handle whatever comes your way. Take care!
  12. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    JKF, that new warrant is a blessing. It is a just-in-time for both you and difficult child.

    He needs to be safe somewhere, in jail. There, he will have some time to face himself and see where that leads.

    And you will have the so welcome knowledge that he is somewhere, and he is not going to walk up the front sidewalk at any minute. That is an awful feeling, JKF, I have had it. I think that is where the PTSD comes from, living in that zone.

    I am so glad you have a busy weekend in store! That is another blessing and just what you need.

    I remember my sponsor telling me one time when you can't sleep, get up and scrub the kitchen floor. Down on your knees. That was the best advice, JKF.

    Staying physically active and busy will save us when our minds and hearts are racing out of control. Running as hard as we can. Getting down on our knees. Digging in the dirt. Those simple acts can center and calm us when our minds are crazy.

    Big hugs. I am praying for you and your family's safety, and for kindness and gentleness from all who you encounter over the next few days. I am praying for difficult child. I am praying that somehow he has a spiritual awakening and can find a life for himself that is free of what his life has been.
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  13. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    Wow, you have a lot on your plate and you are doing an amazing job of finding the good side..its good that he will have the cops after him, its great that easy child is going away, its good that you have a big are a resilient woman. Not only that, you are totally right about all these things.

    Nothing to add to the other wise women today, but know that I think of you every day.

  14. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Cedar - I agree! At first I was dreading this party because it's a lot of work and I've been drained but all the preparations have kept me busy. I'm also looking forward to seeing everyone and having a yard full of family, friends, and laughter. As for the cooking, I'm doing the majority of it but some people are bringing side dishes and appetizers and desserts. We usually do it that way. Buy all of the main dishes, etc and have people bring the sides. It really helps cut down on prep time and expenses.

    Thank you pasa <3

    Thank you CJ! Yes the weather is going to be spectacular and I'm so happy about that. Usually it rains (or snows) every single time we have a party and this is a nice change. It's going to be sunny and in the 80's and NO HUMIDITY! Wooo hoooo!

    Oh COM. How I wish I had that right now. I'm rather on edge at the moment thinking he might appear at any time. The windows are locked (even though it's gorgeous out) and I have the front door barricaded with a heavy chair. How sad that I can't feel safe in my own home anymore. My best friend, who has known difficult child since birth, and who also happens to be the program coordinator for a group home for mentally ill adults, saw difficult child in the town where she works which is about 15 minutes from here. She saw him around 9 pm but he didn't see her. She said he looks like he's lost some weight (which he needed to) but he had a weird look on his face. Not anger, or sadness. Just a blank look. That scares me.

    Thank you COM for that specific prayer for difficult child. I, too, pray for that daily and I'm a firm believer in the power of prayer. The more prayers the better!

    Echo, you are quite resilient yourself! We warrior mom's have to be don't we? Thank you for all of your kind words and support and know that I also think of you every day as well.

    Anyway, I'm going to try to relax tonight. I have to learn to live my life and not be in constant fear. If he's going to live in this area I have to accept that and get used to it but also make sure I'm prepared for the worst. Everything is locked up tight and I feel pretty calm. I've been cleaning and cooking all afternoon so I'm actually tired. I'm going to read a bit until I get sleepy and then head to bed. Thank you ALL again for your constant support. You're the ones who keep me going when I'm at my lowest and I will never ever be able to thank you all enough!
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2014
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm really glad you won't be alone.

    You keep being the brave, wise person that you are and have a blast at the barbecue!!!

    But please do a few precautionary things to help yourself and so that you can be safe. Doesn't hurt to have a surveillance camera around your house. If you can afford it, having an alarm is also a good precaution so he can't break in either when you're home or not home. Buy a firebox and put all your credit cards and other monetary stuff in it so he can't get to them. And this is my last "MOTHER" comment of the day :) And my own mother told me about it and I still do it. Before you get into your car, look in the back seat to make sure nobody is there. If you can lock your garage with car in it, do it. Carry Mace with you too. I told my daughter to do that once she goes to

    ANd have a bang up, super, uber fantastic time with loving family and friends who value the wonderful person you are and want to be with you!!! Let us all know how it went.
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  16. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I am going to try this. I could not sleep a wink last night, and woke up feeling just terrible about myself.

    That's why I am wearing high heels this morning.

    Try it. It helps.

    This is good advice COM. I used to know that once, but I'd forgotten.

    This is so beautifully kind that I wrote it in my journal, this morning.

    That's how we do it, too. Everyone has that little splash of pride at having brought their dish, and there is food, food, everywhere! Then, being an Italian family? We take pictures.

    Of the food.



    I love thinking about your party. Here is an idea for the little ones: If you break those glow in the dark necklaces or bracelets from the dollar store into a jar of bubbles? The bubbles will glow in the dark.


    Oh, no.

    Adding my prayers to those of the others, JKF.

    I too believe in the power of prayer.


  17. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    JKF, just wanted you to know I am reading along and will look forward to hearing how everything went. I'm glad you have such great support around you.
  18. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Everyone safe and well, JKF?
  19. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    The party was a huge success! I'm exhausted but it was definitely worth it. My husband's younger brother and his fiancée flew out from San Diego and surprised us! We had no idea they were coming. It was a truly wonderful time with family and friends!

    Cedar - if was definitely a food fest! Omg! So much delicious food!! And the bubble idea is fantastic! I didn't see your post in time to do it but definitely next time!! There were 5 small kids here and they would have loved that!

    I haven't heard from difficult child at all. He hasn't been on Facebook much either. His last post stated that he's staying at the train station. As much as I want to step in and help him I know that I can't. I know he has to do this on his own and no matter what I do he won't change unless he wants to.

    We have taken safety precautions in case he shows up and we will be purchasing a surveillance system this week.

    MWM - thank you for your idea about the firebox. We'll be investing in one of those as well this week. Also - the checking the backseat is something I've always done since I young! And I have to tell you - your "MOTHER" comments make me smile. I sincerely appreciate your input and advice!

    As always thank you all for the support! I can't tell you how much it helps but then again I know don't even have to. You all already know. Hugs to every one of you!

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  20. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thinking about you, JKF. Stay strong!

    It helps so much to be with family and friends, doesn't it?