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Anyone MISS a toxic family member that you no longer see?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 264799" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks for your feedback. The "rest of my family" is my brother and father <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" />. There are no aunts, cousins, etc. Long ago, we lost track of everyone else and nobody was ever close. Talking to Brother is a waste of time. He wrote me a nonstop letter about "the things that have bothered me about you for the past 35 years." Obviously, the family doesn't talk. Much of what he said was misconception. Some was true. A lot was when I was in my 20's/early 30's and very sick with bipolar. I wasn't a pleasant person then. But my brother has Crohn's Disease, and, to my small family, only an illness you can see counts as an illness. If you have bipolar that's just an excuse and you are a brat and selfish and "a taker." I was never forgiven for accepting some money for a car ($700) from my grandmother (who truly loved me, but had abig mouth and told everyone). Later she bought me a new stove and told everyone too and everyone (meaning my mother, sister and brother) were shocked because "you took Grandma's offered money!" Heck, she offered it and I was desperate. Ex hub was letting us drive in a very unsafe car because it was "too expensive" to fix it. And the stove was making weird noises and smelled like gas. As much as I loved Grandma, she was a troubulemaker and a "divide and conquer" person. I hated having to accept money from her, but I felt it was best to accept the hate I knew I'd get and to protect my family. Grandma had plenty of money. </p><p>So talking it out with anyone in my family (all three of them) is a waste of time. in my opinion only, I have the best heart of all of them and am the only one who loves unconditionally. At one time I would have done anything I could for both my brother and sister. Trust me, it was not recipricated. I don't really care about brother. I don't miss him, although it annoys me that he really belives I was trying to punish my father. But I do miss my sister. I have talked to my therapist about this, but you guys are better therapists <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /> OH, and lastly, I do have to stop all contact or have contact. It's all or nothing in this little foursome of dysfunction.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 264799, member: 1550"] Thanks for your feedback. The "rest of my family" is my brother and father :raspberry-tounge:. There are no aunts, cousins, etc. Long ago, we lost track of everyone else and nobody was ever close. Talking to Brother is a waste of time. He wrote me a nonstop letter about "the things that have bothered me about you for the past 35 years." Obviously, the family doesn't talk. Much of what he said was misconception. Some was true. A lot was when I was in my 20's/early 30's and very sick with bipolar. I wasn't a pleasant person then. But my brother has Crohn's Disease, and, to my small family, only an illness you can see counts as an illness. If you have bipolar that's just an excuse and you are a brat and selfish and "a taker." I was never forgiven for accepting some money for a car ($700) from my grandmother (who truly loved me, but had abig mouth and told everyone). Later she bought me a new stove and told everyone too and everyone (meaning my mother, sister and brother) were shocked because "you took Grandma's offered money!" Heck, she offered it and I was desperate. Ex hub was letting us drive in a very unsafe car because it was "too expensive" to fix it. And the stove was making weird noises and smelled like gas. As much as I loved Grandma, she was a troubulemaker and a "divide and conquer" person. I hated having to accept money from her, but I felt it was best to accept the hate I knew I'd get and to protect my family. Grandma had plenty of money. So talking it out with anyone in my family (all three of them) is a waste of time. in my opinion only, I have the best heart of all of them and am the only one who loves unconditionally. At one time I would have done anything I could for both my brother and sister. Trust me, it was not recipricated. I don't really care about brother. I don't miss him, although it annoys me that he really belives I was trying to punish my father. But I do miss my sister. I have talked to my therapist about this, but you guys are better therapists :happy: OH, and lastly, I do have to stop all contact or have contact. It's all or nothing in this little foursome of dysfunction. [/QUOTE]
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