Anyones sig other suffer with mental illness??

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by goldenguru, Oct 2, 2007.

  1. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    I so need to find some other wife (wives) who have the experience of being married to someone with a mental illness. Most of the websites that I have found are specific for the person who is ill. There is a real lack of support for the family ... especially the spouse.

    I'm at my wits end some days.

    How does one detach from one when you are married? Hard to detach from the person with whom I 'am one'.

    Any web forums geared for spouses would be appreciated.

    I have looked for support groups in our area ... but again all are geared for either substance issues (Families Anonymous) or for the person with mental health issues (NAMI).

    Thanks in advance.
  2. blb

    blb New Member

    Re spouses, it is a ROYAL pita sometimes. husband is adhd, probable BiPolar (BP) II, mixed, and it has been oh so much fun (NOT!) some days.

    And here I thought difficult child had the only issue when I married him

    Oh well, the only thing I can say is for us it has gotten a lot better since he started seeing a psychiatrist and got on medications, there is NO way we would have lasted without him seeking help. It became a fright show before medications, (when he finally showed me his true self) and I frankly had to make an ultimatum, which thankfully he took seriously and started getting help.

    That was about 10 years ago. We still have our moments, but they are more regular couple moments now, not out and out lunacy. He wanted to change though, without desiring change we wouldn't have lasted.

    I haven't seen any sites specifically for spouses; if I do I'll let you know.
  3. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    GG, have you looked at local chapters of mental health groups? They may be a good resource when looking for support. It they don't have it they may be able to refer you to some.

    It's a tough road when your spouse is not functioning as they should and you have a difficult child or two.
    It's no wonder there is so much depression in our age group.
  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! If I'm not being too personal, what type of mental illness? I only ask because that could slim the search by going via diagnosis.


    PS: Have you tried ""? They have a ton of forums, info. etc. Sorry I can't buzz through but I have to get the Bean to school!

  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    My X had ADHD. Horrible. He was prescribed Concerta as an adult (I urged him to see a doctor). Took it for about a year; remarkable difference.

    Then decided that he was "cured", so he stopped taking it. That was about the time that he lost his job. Then he decided he would ride out unemployment instead of looking for work. Even when his unemployment ran out, he was in no hurry to find a job. He was too busy playing with his remote control cars with the other unemployed jerks in the neighborhood. There was, like, a club of losers.

    I had to leave him. We could not make rent. His track record has not improved, and in hindsight, was pretty horrible before he was on the Concerta as well. He took it to shut me up. It was the most productive year I saw him have in the 9 years we were together, and I would bet in his entire life. He was never able to keep a job very long, and was always looking for a way to get rich quick. Always looking to "sue" someone for doing something to him. It was a joke. After we split, he had about 4 good months driving his father's semi. He made over $40,000 in that time (not all of that was his; a lot of that went to his dad) but lost his job after getting too many tickets. To my knowledge, has not worked since. And he has had a kid!

    In my particular case, leaving him was the best option.
  6. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    There are a lot of site specific support groups out there seems like for each and every mental health issue. You probably just are going to have to google it. Maybe the psychiatric doctor knows of a support group in your area.

    Its never an easy road living with anyone with mental health issues.

  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am not married. boyfriend has no mental helath issues - except some situational depression at times, just normal stuff.

    Dex on the other hand - probably the same things as difficult child. Very obsessive about things. All I can say is I am glad I never married him.
    I am not sure where the support is other than girlfriends - hopefully understanding ones.
  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    As you can see in my sig... husband suffers from Depression and anxiety he also has SAD. It is hard... I live with Bipolar as well so we are all a mixed bag!!!

    I can't find a support group for K... !!!
    I kind of use CD as my support for everything!LOL

    It took awhile for husband to seek help we are both a lot happier now that he has!!!
    As a metter of fact we just started his light therapy yesterday!!! And we are changing diets to help him feel better...

    PM me or post more if you want to chat!!! I have had ups and downs with him and myself!!!
  9. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    husband has I am sure several things, but the things mentioned by the psychologist he saw years ago was borderline personality disorder and ptsd (from his childhood). He is going to see a psychiatrist sometime this month.

    I wish I could give you cut and dried advice, but so much of it depends on the symptoms present. What I can tell you is you can only help him if he wants to let you help him. I point out behaviors that I think are mental health related, and then drop it and leave the room to let him think.

    Take care of yourself. If you want to go do something and he does not want to go, leave him home. If he says he wants to go but will not get ready then leave without him. There are certain things I know husband will not follow thru on and I try to stay away from these things as this drives me crazy.

    This is very hard, and I feel for you. Many days I feel I am at the end of my rope also.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    GG,...Im sure my husband could write your post except he is so computer challenged he would never be able to reach out

    There are online support groups for the spouses. I belong to several bipolar boards that also have forums just like this watercooler or parents emeritis forum for the spouses of the bipolar person to hang out in. There are also yahoo groups specifically for the spouses. And MSN groups. If you would PM me with the type of MI, I would be happy to locate some groups for you.
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I haven't checked it out, but found this site in a google search. It's geared for spouses of someone diagnosis'd with a mental illness.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have some borderline links for families of those with borderline that might be helpful.