Apparently I run a hotel....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mstang67chic, Aug 16, 2009.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    ....and didn't know it!

    husband and I really haven't seen much of the "I'm an ADULT and can do what I want" behavior of late. So when it does pop up....I tend to get a tad irked.

    Last night husband went over to our friend's house to work on a set of cornhole boards that he wants to deliver next week. sister in law had come over to watch a movie because her dvd player was on the fritz and I wanted to watch it too. I told husband that when we were done with the movie (Race to Witch Mountain....LOVED it!), I would go to our friend's and help. Meanwhile, difficult child had been in and out a couple of times and was out riding his bike with some friends.

    After the movie, I went to our friend's and around 11 or midnight, difficult child called looking for us (At this point, he was home). We told him where we were and when he asked if he could ride his bike up we said no because we didn't know how long we would be there. (Well, that and he's more of a hinderance than a help when it comes to the boards and our friend's kids were asleep. They are 4 and 7 and ADORE difficult child. There was nothing really for him to do and we all know how lovely a bored difficult child can act.) Anyway, it turned out that we stayed a lot later than we intended and didn't get home till 2 am. difficult child. I called his cell and he said he was still out riding although there seemed to be a bit more background noise than one would expect for a 2 am bike ride. I told him it was two in the morning and he needed to come home. Of course, I got the "I'm 19, I can do what I please" routine. I simply reminded him that he's still in school, and lives in OUR house and needed to come home. I calmly replied with "difficult child, it's TWO in the morning" and hung up. He came home about 15 minutes later and I heard him grumping to husband (I was in bed) about how I treat him like he's stupid, he's 19, blah blah blah, I treat him like he's stupid (that was a big part of the rant) and finally husband told him to just shut his mouth and go to bed. (snicker)

    Unfortunately I had to get up earlier than I wanted because I told my brother in law and sister in law I would go over and let their dog out this morning as they were away for the weekend. When I got up, it was about 8:40ish, difficult child was up and dressed and his bike was in the front yard (He had put it in the garage last night) He said he was going to church with some friends. Unusual for him but ok, not a problem. After I took care of the dog, husband and I were driving back to our friend's house to get husband's truck since he had had a few beers and didn't want to drive the night before. Seems that husband heard difficult child leave AGAIN around 4 this morning and come back in around 7.

    You know....on the one hand, difficult child IS right. He's 19 and a legal adult. However, he's still in high school, there is NO reason to be out running the streets in the middle of the night and this is a house and not a hotel. Or a free kitchen......Grrrrrrrr.....I also saw a previously frozen pumkin roll in difficult child's desk drawer this morning. He had gotten it out of the freezer, ate part of it and stashed it in his desk. But he wasn't hiding it or anything....he was going to put it back. Not hiding it but was in his DESK drawer??? Ugh.

    So...we either have yet another talk with difficult child or start a new rule that after a certain time, the house will be locked up. I like that idea but at the same time, I know that SOMETHING will be destroyed when he decides yet again that we are stupid and attempts to break in. I really don't want to deal with that.

    AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. Sometimes I think husband and I should get difficult child situated in a group home situation and then MOVE!!!!
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I agree -- your house, your rules. It's not safe to be roaming around at that hour. What could he possibly be doing out that late/early? If he's got THAT much energy, then maybe he needs to channel it into something more constructive around the house! Do you think he's having some mania issues? I'm just thinking that if he's not sleeping and has all this energy, his stability might not be all that you hope...
  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Actually, I do think he's in need of a medication tweak. His psychiatrist recently lowered his Risperdal because he's taking it orally as well as getting the Consta shot and he was having a lot of drowsiness. I do believe that part of the drowsiness WAS medication related, but I also think he just needed to get up and do something. I asked him the other day if he saw a difference since the Risperdal was lowered and he had. But he said he's also having nightmares which are an early indicator of mania/medication issues for him. Of course, he used the nightmares as a reason why his medications all need to be lowered. Ugh. If we're getting back into the "I don't need all these medications again" only 3 months after TWO hospitalizations due to his non compliance with his medications.....I'll beat him.

    He's got an appointment coming up though so I'll be sure to say something to the psychiatrist.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    We have had the "my house, my rules" in place for quite a while, followed by "if you don't like it, go live somewhere else." Miss KT discovered the grass was not any greener at Nana's house.

    But she turns 18 tomorrow, so we'll see if the thrill of being AN ADULT makes her head spin.
  5. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    I think there are a lot of us here who apparently run hotels!
    My 19yo decided this morning that he didn't want to do jobs all day! so, I asked him how long did he want to do a few jobs (bearing in mind that he didn't get up till 9.00am. He said an hour. I said that wasn't good enough, I didn't want him laying about watching t.v. all day.

    We constantly get the " i pay board, i shouldn't have to do jobs". So, today I said that since he didn't want to do jobs, that's fine. I still feel he ought to do something to contribute to the family. However, he could instead pay $x for each meal, $x for petrol to each activity, $x for electricity and since he wasn't doing jobs could he leave now (he lives in the caravan onthe property). When he asked for water, 'sorry, not available from the house' (there are several taps in the laundry and outside near his van) shower - sorry, not available; food - you'll have to buy your own now....

    He went off to riing a job he'd been referred to, 3 days work with a builder. I told him, since it's so close, he could ride his bike one way and I'll pick up. He wanted the fellow to pick him up. Sorry, says he, it's a pity you don't want to ride, i had 3 days work for you.....

    I wanted to try and get him more motivated and responsible for his life. It's only 12km to the job and cool in the mornings now, so not a big ask.... or is it?

    Later, he came and said he wanted to talk. ... Could he have the oral medication (risperadol) he felt he needed it. He feels his life is messed up, he got a little emotional...

    He only talked a little bit, that by now he should have a full time job, a house of his own etc. I told him, we're not trying to control him, but help him grow - he's a man now. He should start to put aside childish things (Playstation, watching tv ALL day etc) and start doing man things like being responsible for himself, shaving and all that goes with looking for a job. He wants to do both.

    Yes, we're running a hotel, a hostel, a medical ward, a counselling room, because we love our kids. However, sometimes we just wish we could close a couple of these facilities, don't we?

    We're in it for the long haul, and Marg's right, lots of our kids will get married and live very useful lives, others might just need the hotelier; counsellor; nurses; etc to keep them going... and we'll be there, won't we?
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hotel? We used to joke here that I left a light on like the Motel 6! Im definitely not classy enough to be called a

    I never quite got used to going to sleep before the kids were all in the house. They didnt have to be asleep but I didnt do well with me being able to go to sleep with any of them not home. Tony, on the other hand, can just knock right on out.

    Its really funny though, when they move out, you worry so much less. Jamie used to call us almost every day when he first left home to tell us that he was home and what he did that day and all these little things. He missed us and needed to hear us. We could almost set our watches by the times he would call. Cory has been the same way when he has a phone but he calls at different times when he is bored or Now that is the way Jamie calls. Less often but when he is having a boring day on the job and has nothing to do so he picks up the phone and calls home.

    Billy...well...since he learned to drive and has been driving himself to work and back...I can count on him to call me before he leaves work every night to let me know he is on his way home.