Apprrently I have been blind and am now devastated

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by amstrong, Sep 6, 2007.

  1. amstrong

    amstrong New Member


    I am shocked to have to say that difficult child has managed to keep big drug abuse hidden--obviously we know of drinking since he got a DUI 2 months ago. He has been using Xanax, Drinking and smoking pot. How do I know this for sure? Tuesday morning, he came home and had been drinking and proceeded to throw a pity party about his situation-no license, no car, etc and cut his wrist!

    It wasn't deep enough to need stitches-they used the skin bonding glue. He was given a choice-go to our local treatment center or be arrested and do 30 days in jail and then to a state mental health facility--he chose the local treatment center.

    I am trying to look upon this a a blessing because it got him into treatment. They will probably only keep him until the early part of next week and then release him and plan an outpatient type deal. I really hope they keep him longer. I am not sure he will agree to go to an outpatient and am going to have to tell him-"do it or you are out". This is killing me as I have already worn out these particular shoes going through this with my DEX. I have prayed everyday that DS would not go down this path-I expected experimentation and tried so hard to be in his face and involved in what he was doing and somehow I missed it.

    husband is tired of all his drama and is being totally unsupportive of me. I had to take him to ER and stay there for 14 hours by myself and husband is "thinking" about whether he will be involved in the family part of difficult child's revovery. I understand husband's feelings but on the same token, really am feeling like he has turned his back on me as well.

    Also, today is my bithday and it sucked. husband left me a BD card, 2 bags of Hersey Kisses and a paperback book when he left for work before I got up. Told me later, "sorry it wasn't more, I just didn't feel like shopping". I guess I should be grateful for anything but I am feeling so alone and needed a happy birthday session of being held.

    Anyway, I am looking for an Alanon meeting locally as I apparently need to get my behind back there.

    If you made it this far, thanks for listening and send good vibes.

  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Robyn, a horrible birthday for sure. I hope difficult child takes advantage of the help he is being given. Do you ever use Dex as an example of where he will end up (assuming Dex has not been successful since he is an ex).

    You need a 'ME' day - get to a spa ASAP!

    HUGS and good vibes coming your way!
  3. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    So sorry you had an awful day :sad:

    :smile: Here's a happy birthday to you. Tomorrow will be another day and another time to deal with whatever. In the and re-energize yourself.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm too tired right now to read all the posts in this thread, but welcome to Drug Users 101. My daughter fooled us completely. After she was caught smoking pot, that's all we thought it was. Now that she's clean, she told us she did everything, even heroin once. My daughter told me "Never trust a druggie."
    You're not stupid. They ARE that good. (((Hugs)))
  5. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Awwww Robin, How horrible to happen on your Birthday, I'm sorry. I hope to that your difficult child takes advantage of any treatment that is offered up. I went through the drug use with my difficult child and also made it a point to let her know that I was always watching her every move being in her face, Doing random drug testing as well as searching her room at random times. But the one thing I discovered was that they become very good at hiding their drug use. Don't feel as if you failed because you did not actually figure it out, It happens, I have been there too. I hope that your husband can find it in his heart to be supportive to you and difficult child.

    Happy Birthday Girl, I agree with Sunny, Tomorrow is another day. I hope that its a better day for ya.
  6. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    You are doing the right thing by finding an Alanon meeting. I couldnt live without those people! My difficult child was doing Xanax, alcohol and pot also. He went to many rehabs, counselors, doctors the whole nine yards. He started when he was 16 but it was only pot then we think. He still wants Xanax and swears it helps him get through every day!!! Even when I take him to his doctor for help supposedly he gives them the symptoms of a person that needs Xanax for anxiety. they usually fall for it. He has recently gotten out of another stint in jail for possession of marijuana at his work. He lived in a dump of a house with afriend for about 2 months. He is backhome now and has gotten his former job back. It is a 40 hour a week job and the manager is all about helping people on probation or people that want to help themselves. My difficult child just didnt listen. Heres hoping he will this time. Go to Alanon. I do! :thumbsup:
  7. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Don't dwell on a ruined birthday. You will have another one next year :smile: That is a guarantee.

    Get yourself to alanon right away before you get to far down in the dumps. You have been there, so you know how much better you will feel afterwards.

    Sorry your husband isn't being supportive. I know what that is like. One more reason to get yourself to alanon.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Once again, lol, there is proof that men and women just plain are different! I understand you were disappointed in husband BUT I
    am impressed. He may not be able to step up to the plate like you would like BUT your husband didn't leave the ballpark! He
    took the time to get you 3 presents. Each was small but it took
    at least some effort and time to get each. (Many husband's do not ever get 1 present for their spouses.) Then on top of that he
    wrote a note saying in essence "sorry, I know this is not enough
    but I just can't pull together more right now...meanwhile know
    that I love you and am remembering your birthday".

    Absolutely I agree you should reach out and find the support you
    need and maybe have a treat or two of your choosing. on the other hand, living with this stress messes up all our brains and personally I
    think your husband needs to be congratulated for getting presents, getting them on time and most of all expressing his feelings.
    Hugs to you both. (by the way, my husband loves me to death and yet these
    past two years he has not remembered my birthday beyond showing
    a little affection and apologizing for not doing more. We are living in a bundle of stress, concern, frustration, anguish and
    fear. Having him nearby is enough.)

    Hugs. DDD
  9. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    do YOU feel like shopping?? I do! let's see now, how about some new perfume, makeup and a new hairdo? how about a manicure and pedicure? go for it and tell hubby you feel sorry he is so tired so you saved him some trouble.

    sorry about your son. glad it came to light where he can be helped.

    TYLERFAN New Member

    Sending not only good vibes but strength for you. :angel:

  11. amstrong

    amstrong New Member

    Thanks everyone for your replies. husband has processed everything and we have re-connected. I know I sounded like an ungrateful wretch over the birthday thing and I am grateful that he even remembered. husband went today with me to see difficult child. It went well.

    difficult child's therapist (he gave them permission to speak to me-after all he is an adult-ha!)tells me that he does not want after care or AA. It remains to be seen what will happen on that end. He tells me he does not like her and I have to agree with him on that-she is not a likeable person. His insurance through husband's job runs out the end of the month and I do not think aftercare will be covered anyway. difficult child's probation officer has made him aware of counseling that is available on Saturdays that is charged on a sliding scale and I told him he will need to be thinking STRONGLY about this. husband and I are meeting with the therapist and difficult child on Tuesday to lay out on the line what is expected of him and what will NOT be tolerated if he is to live in our home. If he agrees to these things, he may come home to live when he is released if not, he is on his own. If he agrees to them and then renigs on the agreement, he will be be out for good. I think he already knows this but we will make certain that he does.

    He expressed concern regarding how much of this the insurance was not going to cover. husband told him that this was not to concern him at this time but that he'd better make sure is was not money wasted. difficult child said it wouldn't be wasted and said that after his existing debt to us is paid, he wants to continue to pay us for a time to repay us. he has paid like closkwork on the existing debt. husband told him that they would discuss that another time, that the main thing right now is for difficult child to focus on himself and his issues.

    I did find an Alanon meeting a few blocks from work that meets during luch hours-I went Friday. There are two in the neighboring community and I plan to check them out and husband said he would consider going at least once.

    We are making progress. I know, from the experience with DEX, that this could go either way and that I have to focus on me.

    Please continue to send your prayers and good vibes. You guys rock!

    Love ya!
  12. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member


    I'm so sorry your birthday was a bust, but it sure sounds like things have gone better since. Your husband sounds like a good guy, and I hope he does go to a meeting with you. It might help him understand things better. Good for you for going!

    I hope your son will realize that once he's out, he does need some kind of follow-up care. It's a lot different when they are hospitalized or locked up than when they are released without any kind of step down treatment. If he'd at least consider going to those Saturday appointments, it would be a huge help to him.

    Sending many hugs and belated birthday wishes!
  13. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I fear you allowing him to live home since he doesn't think he needs AA or anything once he's out. That to me is saying he's really not ready for the help yet.

    Continue to go to alanon. Find a parent one if they have one in your area, if you haven't already.
  14. Kathie In NY

    Kathie In NY Member

    If it helps I was blind too. I found out when difficult child's school called to tell me she got caught with-a pipe in her purse. Stupid me.Her myspace also says her mood is "high".Great.And I thought I was such a smart parent.