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Are all of us divorced or single moms? Is this a factor?
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 635598" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>I divorced my son's father when he was under 2. He saw him sporadically until he was 5 and I remarried. He never saw him again until his funeral 2 years later. He was in trouble with the law and took off cross-country, eventually landed in jail and killed himself. My son didn't know exactly what happened, except that he died, until he was 17 or so. </p><p> </p><p>My husband had adopted him shortly before the ex died. He's realistically been the only father he's known. It took a really long time to call him "dad". In fact, my husband finally put his foot down and told him he had to when he was maybe 12. Part of that may have been me using his first name to my son all the time. When you have a baby you just kind of start referring to each other as mom and dad. "Where's your dad?" "Mom wants you." But for some reason, I'd use his given name a lot.</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, my parents were married 40 years and died before my son was born. My husbands parents are still together and accepted my son as their grandson as soon as he was introduced. They've never treated him as anything else and he's always called them "grandma and grandpa". The ex's parents never even visited before he died. </p><p> </p><p>So I guess it's accurate to say I was divorced and a single mom...for a few years. But my son has always had a intact family since age 5. My husband and I don't even fight. My signature says "soul mate" and I feel that's true. I can't image anyone has a better, stronger, marriage than we have. I have to admit, there are times I wonder if that might have contributed to my son's problems. My husband and I were so much in love and kind of "into" each other that I wonder if my son felt like the 3rd wheel? It's one of the many things I guilt myself over at times.</p><p> </p><p>I work in Social Services, in child support and we've discussed this topic a bit here. We see so many kids with problems, ADHD being the most common. We've kicked around the question of whether these folks bad relationship caused the kid's problems? Or whether the kid's problems caused the parents relationship to fail?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 635598, member: 17309"] I divorced my son's father when he was under 2. He saw him sporadically until he was 5 and I remarried. He never saw him again until his funeral 2 years later. He was in trouble with the law and took off cross-country, eventually landed in jail and killed himself. My son didn't know exactly what happened, except that he died, until he was 17 or so. My husband had adopted him shortly before the ex died. He's realistically been the only father he's known. It took a really long time to call him "dad". In fact, my husband finally put his foot down and told him he had to when he was maybe 12. Part of that may have been me using his first name to my son all the time. When you have a baby you just kind of start referring to each other as mom and dad. "Where's your dad?" "Mom wants you." But for some reason, I'd use his given name a lot. Anyway, my parents were married 40 years and died before my son was born. My husbands parents are still together and accepted my son as their grandson as soon as he was introduced. They've never treated him as anything else and he's always called them "grandma and grandpa". The ex's parents never even visited before he died. So I guess it's accurate to say I was divorced and a single mom...for a few years. But my son has always had a intact family since age 5. My husband and I don't even fight. My signature says "soul mate" and I feel that's true. I can't image anyone has a better, stronger, marriage than we have. I have to admit, there are times I wonder if that might have contributed to my son's problems. My husband and I were so much in love and kind of "into" each other that I wonder if my son felt like the 3rd wheel? It's one of the many things I guilt myself over at times. I work in Social Services, in child support and we've discussed this topic a bit here. We see so many kids with problems, ADHD being the most common. We've kicked around the question of whether these folks bad relationship caused the kid's problems? Or whether the kid's problems caused the parents relationship to fail? [/QUOTE]
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Are all of us divorced or single moms? Is this a factor?
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