Are the schools & rtcs run by difficult child adults?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mrscatinthehat, Aug 24, 2007.

  1. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    husband just got of the phone with difficult child 1. She was to have started school yesterday. Evidentally she did not start the public school as they are missing something from her school record file.

    When she was registered and they reviewed the information they said nothing about this. We got all excited and I do mean we that she was going to be going to school.

    Now I am willing to admit people make mistakes however somethings happened that I question.

    First, when husband tried to call yesterday to see how first day went she was in the shower when he called and would not be able to get calls by the time she was done. husband asked staff how the first day went. He was told not good. That is it. No mention of not going no nothing.

    So we have to wait to talk to the school advocate from her placement on Sunday. We are going to see her on Monday for an appointment. If they had let me know yesterday I could have tracked down whatever this mystery item is and had it for Monday when we went.

    She is 3 hours away so this is not a joyful trip if I am going to have to make it again because someone was stupid.

    Okay now the other part of what angers me about the situation is that difficult child 1 was rightly upset. I respect that. I am upset. Well the school advocate told her if she handled it well she would take her out for ice cream. Not something I would have been keen on but okay I was willing to work with it as it was a Major disappointment. Well the advocate evidentlly went to some other stores while they were out and also bought difficult child a new pair of shoes. This may on face value not seem like a big deal however it is huge. difficult child 1 is a shoe addict. So we are very careful how many we let her have. We just did the school clothes shopping and were very explicit about the fact she didn't need shoes. When it comes to clothes and shoes we have a very rigid policy with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that we approve all of them. From past bad experiences of people buying things they shouldn't for the wrong reasons etc. My brain is throbbing.

    We comply with pretty much every request. Why is it that these people and places can't seem to understand we have certain things we would like a say in?

    One thing after another. There isn't enough calgon to take me away right now.

  2. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    I don't believe yours is an isolated incident. N* was placed in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for probation violation from a battering charge the previous year that I filed against her. I spent 2 hours filling out paperwork - providing EVERY detail I could think of that would help the Juvenile Justice Authority (KS) who took custody of her, as well as the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff. The main reason she was placed in their custody was a letter provided by N*'s psychiatrist, who she had been seeing for SIX YEARS. He was never consulted by anyone while in their custody. I explained that she had horrible side effects to previous Rx for anti-depressants and sleeping medications. The FIRST DAY in their custody, the psychiatrist who saw her for 5 minutes gave an Rx for a sleep medication, with no other instruction to the staff to monitor her. No hallucinations this time, but weepy and listless following afternoons. Stopped sleeping medications, weepy and listless disappeared. She slept well afterward without the medications.

    She injured her knee while there. I went for a therapy session the following day (no phone call from staff to inform me she'd been injured) to find a lump on the back of her knee the size of an egg. They did take her to an md. X-ray didn't show a break, released her - no crutches, no pain medications. Contacted N*'s case manager, and demanded that I be allowed to take her to orthopedic specialist. She had a tear to her ACL. If tear was another 1/2 inch, he would have operated. Put her in an immobilizing brace, crutches, and pain medications.

    One Friday night, staff person took 6 kids to grocery to get snacks. Took 2 kids inside store, left remaining 4 who had no priviliges alone in the van outside. Mine was one of the 4 left alone. She was accused of having sex in the van while the others were outside the van smoking. Interesting what the security cameras of the store showed actually took place. My kid was alone in the van while the other 3 were outside smoking. Staff member fired over that incident.

    Just this week, I received a letter from my insurance company. They were billed for $4500 worth of services -- while she was in the state's custody. They paid $3500 -- leaving me with a $1000 balance to pay. Funny, while I was filling out all the paperwork for 2 hours, I asked about the need for N*'s social security number. I was told it was because she would be placed on medicaid. Called case manager again, and was told "There are all sorts of changes that George Bush put into place. There's something new everyday." I told CM that I doubted that George Bush had the time to personally oversee my child and make these decisions, and that the person at the top of the JJA's letterhead had better be the one to sign the letter explaining how they were going to remedy this situation.

    These are just three of the most egregious things I encountered. I tell anyone who will listen that I'm writing a book. The title will be _Just the Guardian, the Unappreciated Efforts of Raising Other People's Children_. I was referred to as "just the guardian" by a defense attorney at a court hearing one day when he was representing N*. I intend to give him credit in the acknowledgements.

    By the way, a "mentor" at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) bought N* some horrific shoes while she was there. N* has enough shoes, too.
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    CJ, you go girl, with that book. I'm also working on one with difficult child 3, on how I've had to break the rules so often because nothing we were told to do, was actually correct.

    My personal opinion - I believe that large organisations, especially state-based, and education facilities in particular, are autistic. They meet the criteria really well - they have difficulties with communication; they have major difficulties with social interaction (often inappropriate) and an intense focus on meticulous detail in ways which turn out to be basically unproductive and meaningless. Obsessive-compulsive in the extreme. Plus they often have disordered sensory issues especially with input, narrowing their focus down to the level where they can cope. For example, you tell them things and if they're not completely ready to hear what you have told them, they forget it immediately and deny they were ever told. As with those with autism, putting it in writing is a good defence for this problem.

    I also apply Ross Greene's techniques to these large bureaucracies. It really helps.

  4. Kjs

    Kjs Guest


    I agree. Best describes MOST staff members I have been involved with. I can think of two who really get it. The difficult child's in denial!
  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Thank - you for the support. I went to bed after I wrote. I just needed to not explode on the people here at home and I wasn't sure I was capable of that. I believe the autism diagnosis for these folks. I guess as long as I keep that in mind I will be able to move on with things with that in mind.

  6. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Well talked to the advocate. She started right out about telling me that the school district wouldn't take the copies they had of gfg1s school records they needed them with the official stamp before she could start. Evidently the school taht they were getting this from didn't send it early enough. Then she immediately gave the phone to difficult child to talk to me. So by the time difficult child got done with her current need for attention. (Mom I called my regular advocate a b***h twice today. yada yada) I don't feed into that on the phone. Then she told me about the shoes and I asked her if she needed shoes and she said no but the school advocate "made" her choose a pair. Uh huh sure and aliens moved in next door. So when she got done with all of her stories of the day I asked to talk to the school advocate and she said she had left. Good grief I never did get to ask her a question no nothing. One of which is simply for a school schedule for the school difficult child 1 is at since the district has not updated their website. So that we might know when conferences are and such since I know from past experience that we don't get informed of anything until the last minute...(last years iep the night before even after I asked about it repetitively).

    And darn husband is snoring next to me so I can't even vent on him.

  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have not, thank heavens, had your experiences but I do know that the first substance abuse residential program had really
    qualifed highly educated staff. What I didn't know was that they
    worked 9 to 5, m-f and THEN the kids were under the supervision
    of minimum wage workers. Many of them were recovering addicts.

    Were they bad people? Nope. But they didn't follow the rules
    anymore than the teens did. The difficult child behaviors were reinforced.
    I don't know how you avoid incompetence when seeking help. It
    is a big issue. Hugs. DDD