are there things people say that make you nuts?

Liahona

Active Member
I hate when someone says "Its just his personality." Meaning his behavior isn't because he is bipolar, ADHD, anxiety, and abused he is just mean and weird.

I also hate it when my family talks about me behind my back. You know how you go into a room and everyone goes quiet? They do this alot. Before we were married they would talk about me infront of husband. Like he didn't exist and didn't have the brains to tell me. He is the most loyal person I know.

I hate my family's denial of painful feelings. My kids, husband, and I are full of painful feelings that they don't know how to deal with so they ignore us.
 

Marguerite

Active Member
When my family go quiet as I walk in the room, I challenge them with humour. "It's alright, I never listen to any of you anyway, so you can keep talking about me, I don't mind, I'm used to it."

I'm the youngest and for many years they would stop telling 'blue' jokes when I walked in the room. One day I turned to brother in law, who had shut up fast telling a joke to my sister, looking embarrassed, and said to him, "It's alright. Don't you realise - I was 45 on my last birthday, I think I'm old enough to hear the joke."
So he told me the joke. And I wished he hadn't, it was so 'off' with no redeeming humour whatsoever. But I HAD asked for it.

Marg
 

Janna

New Member
Honestly, if someone said that to me, you know, they're probably right.

Alot of people couldn't walk a day in our shoes. I think we are special.

Janna
 

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
Totoro, I think you may have misinterpreted what she said... the first part said, You guys are doing what you should do.
The second part said All kids have issues.
That's not to demean it... from her point of view, it's trying to say, "There, there, it will be all right."
Let her be condescending as long as she still says that part about "You're doing what you should be doing." She's trying to be supportive but not using exactly the words that are best for you.
(A typical thing in a marriage relationship, too.)
 

mom_in_training

New Member
My daughter used to attend church with a much older lady and her grandkids. I went to go pick up my difficult child from school one day and I discovered that she was not there. I called the police and they eventually found her with some boy and come to find out she had ditched school that day along with this boy. Of course I put her on restriction and when this lady called to see if my difficult child was going to church that Sunday I told her about my difficult child being on restriction and told her that she would not be joining her this Sunday. This woman was appalled that I would prevent my difficult child from going to church and said that going to church would turn her around and get her under control. My comeback was that god did not prevent my difficult child from ditching school in the first place and that he is not responsible for her bad choices in life, She is and that Church is not the fix all. I continued and reminded her that I am her parent and I will do what I see fit to guide her and to do what is necessary to turn around her bad behavior. This woman was a sweetheart and had a close knit family with grandbabys that she cherished and boasted about with allot of money to boot and made it quite obvious. Sadly about a year after my difficult children bad choices that did in fact turnaround I found out that one of her perfect grandbabys took her own life at 14 years old. I wonder if she thought that the church would fix her. If so, How sad.

Nothing worse when someone undermines your skills as a parent or for that matter thinks that they have the power to change a difficult child..... Hello, I as my difficult children parent does not have that power let alone a family member or friend. A lil support when needed or input works but rediculous comments or whatever from a know it all is in no way effective. I will not even go there but I personally have had an experience with my difficult children aunt trying to intervene on my parenting style thinking that she could fix my difficult child but eventually found out different when my difficult child totally defied her. I guess sometimes the only way someone will get it is when they actually experience first hand what the parent has been dealing with on a day to day basis. The good thing, My sis stays out of my difficult child drama now so it is no longer a problem Lol!!
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
My pet peeve, especially when spoken in front of my kids:
"You ADOPTED these kids? You're a Saint! There's a special place in Heaven for you!" Another one I hear, because my kids are different races is, "So your husband is black/Asian" (depending on which kid is with me). I may add, this happened A LOT more when my kids were babies.
My daughter had a hilarious comment made to her once that I'll share just for the humor value. She was in tech school and talking to a girl whom she described at ditzy. The girl asked about Julie's family and she told her that she has a brother who is Chinese, a brother who is white, and two black siblings. She told me that most people "get" it,b ut this girl stammered and stuttered and finally said, "Wow! Your Mom has sure been with a lot of men!!!!"
 

DazedandConfused

Well-Known Member
Well, I have two things were just STUPID.

The first one was not said directly do me, but something I saw on a child development show. Anyone remember Penelope Leach? She had a show on Lifetime when Daughter was a baby.

There was a question from the audience about getting a child to be more cooperative when putting them in a carseat or having them put on their seatbelts. Well, Daughter, as a toddler was HORRIBLE when having to be put in a car seat. She would beat on my head, and pull my hair, while I would fasten her in. So, I really listened and paid attention.

Dr. Leach's suggestion was to inform your child that "this car in not moving until you are in your carseat, or buckle your seatbelt". In short, a parent is not to leave, or start the car, until the child willingly submits, or puts on the seatbelt.

So, here I am in front of the drug store after picking up some of Daughter's chemo medications. Daughter is nearly two and she flat refuses to get in her car seat. I'm calmly telling her that we can't leave, or go anywhere until she sits in her carseat (I know, I know, but I was still under the illusion that I had a regular child).

Fast forward to an hour later. Still refusing to get in the car seat. Sorry, we can't leave then, honey.

Well, guess what??? SHE DOESN'T FLIPPING CARE!

Big suprise, huh? Needless to say, I'm standing there feeling like a complete dolt. So, I take a big breath and strap her screaming, kicking, and hair pulling, body in. I pull out of the parking lot and it hits me, what if I had an important appointment? This is beyond idiotic!

The next day, when I tell my Mom about what happened, she brought me back down to earth by responding, "Well, honey, something like that would probably work really well if you were going to Disneyland". :rofl:

Then there was a time about a year ago when I took Son to a therapist who was convinced that Son was AS. When I told her about son being so crazy about babies, she felt it was an "obsession" and that I shouldn't feed the obsession by purchasing him a baby doll (it was something he wanted because he wanted a "baby" of his own). A neighbor had recently had a baby and Son was captivated by him.

I disagreed with therapist and bought the doll. Son played with it for a while, and babied it, and kinda forgot about it. Some obsession. :smirk:
 

tiredmommy

Well-Known Member
"She's never a problem for me". :hammer:
"I could never manage your life." :blush:
"Good thing she's cute." (Okay, I sorta see the humor in that :wink:)
"But she looks so healthy." :hammer:
"Nobody had allergies when I was growing up." :hammer:
"Why does she keep doing that?" :blush:
"How is she with other people?" :blush:
"Oh, one cookie won't hurt!" :wildone:
"Who taught her to act like that?" /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif
"Does this sort of thing run in your family?" :blush:
"Why won't she listen?" :rofl:
"You nees to be tougher on her." :tears:
"You need to go easy on her." :tears:
"More consistency is the key, but don't be rigid." :hammer:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:warrior:
 

dreamer

New Member
tiredmommy, YES! I forgot about that one-- but she looks so cute.....as if cute people canntot have health issues or illness etc..I hated it when they said it about my oldest difficult child and I hated it when they said it about my son and seizures and cp and I hate when they say to me- you look so healthy, how can you have rheumatic illness or lupus? I keep asking what do LOOKS have to do with it? NOne of those are illnesses that have anything to do with how anyone LOOKS.
Oy vey drive me nuts.
Oh but she looks so ....normal.
well, what did you expect? 3 heads?
 

dreamer

New Member
HOw did I forget this? It was a one time comment, thank goodness! Oldest difficult child was in grade 5 and her teacher called me and complained about........um the 2 things on front of her body-I assume the censor will censor out the word, but ---you know those 2 things females have. out front. difficult children 5th grade teacher called me to tell me......(oh this was hysterical, well, it is hysterical now, but I was NOT amused back then) those are NOT allowed at school. Oh really? what do you suggest we do, cut them off? leave them home when she comes to school? Well, really Mrs difficult children mom, we are an elem school and we simply cannot have those here. Well really teacher what do you think I should do about them? Well mom, you should not permit them. HUH? they GREW there, how do I now permit them.....women have them....well mom, you should not encourage them. HUH? I DID not encourage them.....Mother Nature did that. or genetics, or something. She has a bra on, what else can I do, she has a baggy tshirt on, cuz she does not like those things there either......she IS trying to hide them......
well mom you have to DO something.
Uh yeah. Right. Like WHAT?

and my son, he would have partial seizures and to anyone seeing them he looked to be daydreaming...BUT school had much documentation from numerous psychiatrists and neurodocs that it was seizures.....but they still kept right on giving him detention.....for "daydreaming" and "ignoring" them.

Or at the start of this school year first day my son was at school one hour and they called to tell me I had to take him to ER cuz his eye looked funny. Um, well look at his IEP and his records, he has had 2 extensive reconstructive surgeries on the eye, no mom, we need a note from ER that it is not contagious......oh, is poking your eye out contagious? Mom, we NEED a note, no surgeon would leave an eye looking like this.

the next day PCs school called cuz easy child got stung by a bee, they said she is saying she is having trouble breathing, are you coming to get her? I ask- well IS she breathing? they reply- we don't know. I say well if she's NOT breathing call 9-1-1 .......well, they do not KNOW if she is breathing or not. Yikes.
Then---- ambulance took her to ER and ER gave her masive steroids....oxygen.....she felt better, she WANTED to go back to school, ER said that would be ok....I drive her back to school, sign her back in, she has a note from ER for them at school.... and they call me......they say.....Mom, we need to know if you are excusing her absence. otherwise we have to mark it down as a cut and it is $50 per class cut and suspension. Um, YOU called ambulance, YOU loaded her into ambulance, and you have the note from ER doctor.......Yes, but- it is unexcused if you do not TELL us it is excused. Will you excuse her absence from school for the time this morning?
Thank goodness those were all one time things.

Sometimes people say some of the weirdest things, and sometimes it does just drive me bonkers.

Yes, it is now a standing joke at our house- those things are not allowed------are you breathing?
 

Marguerite

Active Member
MWM, you were told, "There's a special place in Heaven for you!"
What sort of place? It conjures up an image of a shelf somewhere, away from everyone else so you couldn't really mix with the common people.
What sort of heaven would that be?

Dearie, dearie me...

And dreamer, I remember the fun & games the school gave you over that eye - definitely add them to the list.

Right now I'm cheesed off with our airport security. difficult child 1 lad loaned an old light saber to a friend from church. This was one of the really old ones which were little more than a telescopic plastic tube with a light bulb in it - a glorified torch. The girl was going to Brisbane from Sydney for a conference and there was also going to be a costume party so she also borrowed difficult child 1's Star Wars costume.

But the light saber was in her hand luggage and security insisted on confiscating it. Of course, all confiscated items are destroyed.

I rang them to complain. Unfortuantely, I don't have the flight details so I can't talk to the idiot who actually thought a Star Wars light saber is a threat, but the fellow I DID speak to said, "If we think it looks like a weapon, it gets confiscated."
"But why would you think it looks like a weapon? It's a collapsible plastic tube! It doesn't look like any weapon in existence!"
"Well, you called it a light saber, so it must look like a weapon from somewhere..."
"It's a weapon from a sci-fi movie, it doesn't exist and everybody knows it! It's a kids toy!" By now I was almost frothing at the mouth. "If you hit someone over the head with it, it would break! There is no way that any part of this toy could be used as a weapon, not even as a threat!"
I got nowhere, but the upshot of it all is - if these guys think something COULD look like a weapon to someone else, or looks like something that someone else might think looks like something that could be construed as a weapon, it gets confiscated. No rhyme or reason. Now difficult child 3 is worried - will the airport security blokes confiscate his Nintendo DS? It has pictures of weapons on it...

As difficult child 1 said, people are more scared of airport security than terrorists.

Marg
 

amy4129

New Member
TM
They are never a problem for me. This I hear from my mother on a regular basis. No kidding, you have them for 30 minutes before school 3-4 days a week. They have had their medications, been fed, and you let them watch TV until time to leave...plus they KNOW if they act up with you they are on restriction-
forever, like until they are 30!
Amy
 

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
OMG, Dreamer, was that all at the same school? Was their staff resume' requirement a frontal lobotomy?

LOL!!!

We don't allow those things?
Is she breathing?
We need a note for an excused absence?

OMG, if you don't laugh, you'll cry. You know, if you put that in a sitcom, no one would laugh because no one would believe it.
 

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
They are never a problem for me.

Absolutely, Amy!
I hear you! Relatives get them for a short time, in a very restricted environment. Plus, they never make the kids "do" anything, aka homework, yardwork, whatever. It's all playtime. Of course they're never a problem!!!!

Sorry, you touched a nerve there. :crazy:
 

amy4129

New Member
I could be the favorite parent/ mom if; to quote a Barney song " if all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops and all the snowflakes were chocolate bars and milkshakes"

since we don't live in fantasy land it will be what it is...
Amy
 

dreamer

New Member
not same school but same district....

Now, there have been times when I wanted to tell the school--gosh they are perfect angels at home, whatever in the world are YOU doing rwong for them to be "so bad" at school? LOL

Well, I am now homeschooling oldest and youngest and easy child is almost done with HS......whew, thank goodness!
 
My mother (who I no longer discuss difficult child issues with), used to always be in a state of denial that there was anything wrong with either one of my difficult children. When difficult child 2 was first diagnosed as being autistic, my mother said, "how do you know you can believe the doctors who gave him the diagnosis? Maybe you should take difficult child 2 to a better place. difficult child 2 is fine."

When I first found out that difficult child 1 was bipolar, my mother responded by saying, well I know a bipolar anesthesiologist (SPELLING?). difficult child 1 is fine."

To this day, she doesn't accept that there is anything wrong with my difficult children. Its usually me just reading too much into things. According to her, they will both get into good colleges, get good jobs and be fine... I should stop worrying...

She constantly used to ask me why difficult children didn't have a busier social life. No matter what I told her, it was always my fault. According to her, and she said this to me within the past year, all I need to do is to invite kids over to "play with difficult children" and everything will be fine. What planet is she on? Imagine trying to invite classmates over to "play with my 8th and 10th grade difficult children!!! Maybe it would make a good sitcom!!!

Also, I hate it too when people ask me how I do it. I find this to be one of the most annoying comments!!! Even one of my oldest and closest friends asks me this. I know she only wants to help, but, she has never been in the position I'm in. Sometimes, it's impossible for her to understand... WFEN
 

amy4129

New Member
Anytime anyone asks me how I do it...I tell them I really don't know but you could try this next weekend and let me know how it goes?!?
This snarky remark is usually reserved for those who just don't get it but get on my nerves.
Amy
 

Martie

Moderator
MWM

All of what was said to you has been said to me--except the last comment--I haven't "been" around so much--just one Korean gentleman LOLOLOLOOLOLOLLOL

Martie

Oh I forgot--THE WORST. When ex-difficult child was about 12, some half senile lady at his church asked me (in front of him) if we knew anything about his "real" parents --this is standard cr*p--you get it all the time with "unmatching" kids--but then she followed up with, "His real parents must play in the Seoul Symphony!" Right---that a very likely family background for an international adoptee with a teenage birthmom--I was speechless and that is rare. Fortunately, I had already dealt with the high heritability of both musical and math ability so ex-difficult child wasn't any more weirded out than he already was by the first comment. It went over his head at the time--which is good.

 
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