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Are we completely masochistic or just selfish?long
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<blockquote data-quote="Just keep swimming" data-source="post: 58105" data-attributes="member: 211"><p>Hi,</p><p></p><p>I totally understand what you are saying. When we adopted Aly, we were ignorant, completely! We adopted privately and with an open adoption so that the birth mom could still be involved in our child's life. We were ok with either gender, any ethnicity, any mild physical impairments, but NO drug use or known mental illness. Maybe that sounds mean, but we already had 2 bio kidlets and were trying to make it safe for them as well as a good experience.</p><p></p><p>But...bio mom lied about everything. And Aly was prenatally drug exposed and bio mom is bipolar and self medicates. We didn't find all this out for sure until Aly was 4 and really starting to be difficult. Now adoption is closed and Aly can contact bio mom once she is 18, if she wants.</p><p></p><p>We have been foster parents for almost 4 years now and I tell you what, almost all the kids that come through our home have some exposure which we all know CAN lead to gfgness. And every single bio mom swore they never did drugs! Even after testing dirty! </p><p></p><p>We adopted Jayme from foster care, she was nearly 4 months old when she was first placed with us. Her exposure is supposed to be minimal, but...</p><p></p><p>And now we have a 4 yo foster son whom we would LOVE to adopt. Supposedly no drug or alcohol exposure prenatally, but was around it after his birth for a while. He is a difficult child in the making, for sure! Call us crazy, I know!!</p><p></p><p>I don't know what to tell ya. We have a program here in our county (meth capital of USA!) for bio parents that have had their kiddo removed due to drug arrest or neglect due to drugging. This program caters to under 5 yo's and is through the county. So they place the under 5's only in those homes when ever possible because we have had "more training". LOL!! I was so not prepared when we had our first truly detoxing baby. Scary stuff I tell ya! But he is adopted out now and doing great!!</p><p></p><p>My friend is adopting her 3 yo foster son and he truly has had NO exposure, mom was just totally unable to parent due to her age and lack of supports. This little guy has been with my friend since he was about 6 months old and is so completely "normal" it is a scary contrast to our other kiddos (difficult children!).</p><p></p><p>I think most of my friends (what, I have friends? LOL) think we are nuts to do what we do. But we love it, most of the time. Yes, adding another difficult child to our family is a scary thought, but with what we now know through our experiences with Aly has helped us understand how these little ones tick (or tock, depending on the day, lol). </p><p></p><p>So, go with your gut, don't listen to those who haven't walked in your shoes. You and your husband should know what you can or can't deal with. I know my sisters worry that we are taking on too much. They with their "easy child" kiddos are overwhelmed when their kids are mouthy or don't clean their rooms. UGH!! LOL!! I think, unless someone else has dealt with a difficult child before, they will be of little to no support as they just don't get it. My brother in law once asked us why the heck we keep doing foster care/adoption when we could have been "kid free" when easy child 2 moved out. I didn't even bother to answer him! OY VEY!! Needless to say I am not too thrilled with brother in law!!!</p><p></p><p>Anyways, I have gabbered on wayyyy to long, sorry!!</p><p></p><p>Good luck with your decision and know that you always will have support and understanding on this site!!</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>Vickie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Just keep swimming, post: 58105, member: 211"] Hi, I totally understand what you are saying. When we adopted Aly, we were ignorant, completely! We adopted privately and with an open adoption so that the birth mom could still be involved in our child's life. We were ok with either gender, any ethnicity, any mild physical impairments, but NO drug use or known mental illness. Maybe that sounds mean, but we already had 2 bio kidlets and were trying to make it safe for them as well as a good experience. But...bio mom lied about everything. And Aly was prenatally drug exposed and bio mom is bipolar and self medicates. We didn't find all this out for sure until Aly was 4 and really starting to be difficult. Now adoption is closed and Aly can contact bio mom once she is 18, if she wants. We have been foster parents for almost 4 years now and I tell you what, almost all the kids that come through our home have some exposure which we all know CAN lead to gfgness. And every single bio mom swore they never did drugs! Even after testing dirty! We adopted Jayme from foster care, she was nearly 4 months old when she was first placed with us. Her exposure is supposed to be minimal, but... And now we have a 4 yo foster son whom we would LOVE to adopt. Supposedly no drug or alcohol exposure prenatally, but was around it after his birth for a while. He is a difficult child in the making, for sure! Call us crazy, I know!! I don't know what to tell ya. We have a program here in our county (meth capital of USA!) for bio parents that have had their kiddo removed due to drug arrest or neglect due to drugging. This program caters to under 5 yo's and is through the county. So they place the under 5's only in those homes when ever possible because we have had "more training". LOL!! I was so not prepared when we had our first truly detoxing baby. Scary stuff I tell ya! But he is adopted out now and doing great!! My friend is adopting her 3 yo foster son and he truly has had NO exposure, mom was just totally unable to parent due to her age and lack of supports. This little guy has been with my friend since he was about 6 months old and is so completely "normal" it is a scary contrast to our other kiddos (difficult children!). I think most of my friends (what, I have friends? LOL) think we are nuts to do what we do. But we love it, most of the time. Yes, adding another difficult child to our family is a scary thought, but with what we now know through our experiences with Aly has helped us understand how these little ones tick (or tock, depending on the day, lol). So, go with your gut, don't listen to those who haven't walked in your shoes. You and your husband should know what you can or can't deal with. I know my sisters worry that we are taking on too much. They with their "easy child" kiddos are overwhelmed when their kids are mouthy or don't clean their rooms. UGH!! LOL!! I think, unless someone else has dealt with a difficult child before, they will be of little to no support as they just don't get it. My brother in law once asked us why the heck we keep doing foster care/adoption when we could have been "kid free" when easy child 2 moved out. I didn't even bother to answer him! OY VEY!! Needless to say I am not too thrilled with brother in law!!! Anyways, I have gabbered on wayyyy to long, sorry!! Good luck with your decision and know that you always will have support and understanding on this site!! Hugs, Vickie [/QUOTE]
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