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Are we completely masochistic or just selfish?long
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 58118" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I "shopped." I said I wanted a child that could speak coherently, wasn't cruel to animals, wasn't disabled. Selfish? Maybe but I think I was being realistic. I knew I could handle a child with emotional problems. I knew I couldn't cope with a physical illness. I knew I hated changing diapers and got frustrated when little ones said things I could not understand. </p><p></p><p>There are advantages to adoption. You do get to have some choices that a bioparent doesn't have.</p><p></p><p>I've always felt that adoption is an incredibly selfish act. It has nothing to do with wanting to help a child, or at least it shouldn't in my mind. It has to do with wanting a child in your life and having the means to get one. My daughter wasn't "lucky" to get me as her mother. She was cute and very adoptable. I was lucky to get her and I know it. I also walked into adoption with my eyes pretty much wide open but for attachment issues. The odds of drug or alcohol use by the biomom are high in most adoptions. The odds of genetics putting an adopted child at high risk for mental illnesses is high. Sadly, those are the facts of adopting in the US.</p><p></p><p>So, go for it! Pick the traits you can tolerate and be sure to eliminate those you can't. You have that right. No matter what, adoption is a bigger risk than having a biological child. You can control what goes into your body. You know your genetic makeup. So, even out that playing field as much as you can.</p><p></p><p>If I could, I'd adopt another child in a heartbeat but the reality is I'm getting too old and my 20 year old really doesn't have the maturity to handle a younger child in the house. (She's jealous of the pets if they get "too" much petting!)</p><p></p><p>I wish you the best when the time comes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 58118, member: 3626"] I "shopped." I said I wanted a child that could speak coherently, wasn't cruel to animals, wasn't disabled. Selfish? Maybe but I think I was being realistic. I knew I could handle a child with emotional problems. I knew I couldn't cope with a physical illness. I knew I hated changing diapers and got frustrated when little ones said things I could not understand. There are advantages to adoption. You do get to have some choices that a bioparent doesn't have. I've always felt that adoption is an incredibly selfish act. It has nothing to do with wanting to help a child, or at least it shouldn't in my mind. It has to do with wanting a child in your life and having the means to get one. My daughter wasn't "lucky" to get me as her mother. She was cute and very adoptable. I was lucky to get her and I know it. I also walked into adoption with my eyes pretty much wide open but for attachment issues. The odds of drug or alcohol use by the biomom are high in most adoptions. The odds of genetics putting an adopted child at high risk for mental illnesses is high. Sadly, those are the facts of adopting in the US. So, go for it! Pick the traits you can tolerate and be sure to eliminate those you can't. You have that right. No matter what, adoption is a bigger risk than having a biological child. You can control what goes into your body. You know your genetic makeup. So, even out that playing field as much as you can. If I could, I'd adopt another child in a heartbeat but the reality is I'm getting too old and my 20 year old really doesn't have the maturity to handle a younger child in the house. (She's jealous of the pets if they get "too" much petting!) I wish you the best when the time comes. [/QUOTE]
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