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Are we completely masochistic or just selfish?long
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<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 58257" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>Not in defense of the doubters, but more as an explanation. </p><p></p><p>I do believe that as we age our natural nurturing ways do change a bit. I think when you hear mom's (PPs)saying - I can't wait for easy child to move out and go to college...it is because their body has started to change and that is what it's new chemical make up is telling them. It is not necessarily menopause. Perhaps premenopause? I know a friend that has gone through it read a book and one of the chapters was called 'It is All About ME!'. I recalled thinking of a few of my friends actually saying that as their kids got to the 17 and older ages. One made it her New Year resolution every year! I think it is nature's way of getting us through the empty nest thing. </p><p></p><p>So, in my humble opinion the people that think you are crazy for even considering starting over are not trying to be mean. They are only saying what THEIR chemical make up is telling them about themselves. </p><p></p><p>I know that I personally wanted 10 kids when I was growing up. I have never even been married! So, I guess I am lucky I have 1 child. She is a difficult child and it has not been the greatest parenting experience, but I am not willing to take a chance that I will have another difficult child provide me with another difficult parenting experience for 18 years. </p><p></p><p>I now look forward to spending time and money on myself (not quite there yet!). I have a friend with 2 little ones and I see just how hard she works to keep patience and try to motivate to go out of the house with them. I am thankful it is not me. I guess those years are just gone for me. </p><p></p><p>SO - now to you. I feel the need to say, after the above, that it is possible your chemistry has not changed yet - but it will someday. Perhaps in 20 years, but what if it is in 5 years? What if you are wishing it were more about you when you have a 5 year old? </p><p></p><p>I applaud anyone who adopts. I think it is wonderful. I would be thrilled for you if that is what you decide to do. I just felt an overwhelming need to give you this theory of mine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 58257, member: 391"] Not in defense of the doubters, but more as an explanation. I do believe that as we age our natural nurturing ways do change a bit. I think when you hear mom's (PPs)saying - I can't wait for easy child to move out and go to college...it is because their body has started to change and that is what it's new chemical make up is telling them. It is not necessarily menopause. Perhaps premenopause? I know a friend that has gone through it read a book and one of the chapters was called 'It is All About ME!'. I recalled thinking of a few of my friends actually saying that as their kids got to the 17 and older ages. One made it her New Year resolution every year! I think it is nature's way of getting us through the empty nest thing. So, in my humble opinion the people that think you are crazy for even considering starting over are not trying to be mean. They are only saying what THEIR chemical make up is telling them about themselves. I know that I personally wanted 10 kids when I was growing up. I have never even been married! So, I guess I am lucky I have 1 child. She is a difficult child and it has not been the greatest parenting experience, but I am not willing to take a chance that I will have another difficult child provide me with another difficult parenting experience for 18 years. I now look forward to spending time and money on myself (not quite there yet!). I have a friend with 2 little ones and I see just how hard she works to keep patience and try to motivate to go out of the house with them. I am thankful it is not me. I guess those years are just gone for me. SO - now to you. I feel the need to say, after the above, that it is possible your chemistry has not changed yet - but it will someday. Perhaps in 20 years, but what if it is in 5 years? What if you are wishing it were more about you when you have a 5 year old? I applaud anyone who adopts. I think it is wonderful. I would be thrilled for you if that is what you decide to do. I just felt an overwhelming need to give you this theory of mine. [/QUOTE]
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Are we completely masochistic or just selfish?long
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