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Are we riding a roller coaster with-our difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 357662" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I am sorry the roller coaster has come to a very huge dip in its path. Sometimes I think that when things are going so well, that those dips feel deeper and more permanent than before.</p><p> </p><p>GFG15 does have to continue working on this for herself. It really is very hard to change how you do things, even for the better. Even though she felt the rewards of some very good days, much of that was hard work on her part to maintain and that gets tiring. She is bound to retreat back into what was easier for her however terrible the consequences.</p><p> </p><p>So, it is time for you to work more on detachment so that you don't get pulled down emotionally into those dips of the rollercoaster. You need to work at staying at the top of the hill and rooting for her return. Don't hang on so tight that her getting back to the top is your responsibility. If you can stay in one place and set that as your foundation, then GFG15 will need to be the one to work on not straying too far from that IF she chooses to live up to her ability (no matter how hard it may be).</p><p> </p><p>I admire how you are standing beside her and working with her. You stated, "there is plenty of work to be done to keep us busy". You are putting your time aside to support GFG15 in what she needs to do. Since it is only the two of you for that day, maybe after the work you can go out for a dessert and talk about the good things that have happened lately. She needs to KNOW that you are aware of the positive things that happen. It is so easy for kids to think that we do not notice if we don't actual vocalize our happiness with their behaviors.</p><p> </p><p>I hope your doctors appointment regarding the medications will go well. It does take the right medication also to help the child get through. GFG15 can work as hard as she can to be the kind of person she wants to be but if the medication is not right, it makes the fight near impossible and GFG15 will soon give up.</p><p> </p><p>When my difficult child was going through his nightmare, he focused on what type of person he wanted to be. I really believe that helped him make better choices and feel repentent when he could not follow through on the better choice. Sometimes our kids know what they want to do but their bodies are so powerful in telling them otherwise. My difficult child was in tears one day when he told me he could no longer fight what his mind was telling him to do and he was afraid of what was going to happen to him. I believe many kids fight a silent battle. They don't know that what they are going through is not normal and unless they ask for help in behaviors or words, they will have unhappy lives. You have joined the ranks of awesome warrior moms to recognize that GFG15 needs help and are fighting to figure out what type of help she needs. You GFG15 is blessed to have someone who sees that her bad behavior is a cry for help, not an action to be punished for.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 357662, member: 5096"] I am sorry the roller coaster has come to a very huge dip in its path. Sometimes I think that when things are going so well, that those dips feel deeper and more permanent than before. GFG15 does have to continue working on this for herself. It really is very hard to change how you do things, even for the better. Even though she felt the rewards of some very good days, much of that was hard work on her part to maintain and that gets tiring. She is bound to retreat back into what was easier for her however terrible the consequences. So, it is time for you to work more on detachment so that you don't get pulled down emotionally into those dips of the rollercoaster. You need to work at staying at the top of the hill and rooting for her return. Don't hang on so tight that her getting back to the top is your responsibility. If you can stay in one place and set that as your foundation, then GFG15 will need to be the one to work on not straying too far from that IF she chooses to live up to her ability (no matter how hard it may be). I admire how you are standing beside her and working with her. You stated, "there is plenty of work to be done to keep us busy". You are putting your time aside to support GFG15 in what she needs to do. Since it is only the two of you for that day, maybe after the work you can go out for a dessert and talk about the good things that have happened lately. She needs to KNOW that you are aware of the positive things that happen. It is so easy for kids to think that we do not notice if we don't actual vocalize our happiness with their behaviors. I hope your doctors appointment regarding the medications will go well. It does take the right medication also to help the child get through. GFG15 can work as hard as she can to be the kind of person she wants to be but if the medication is not right, it makes the fight near impossible and GFG15 will soon give up. When my difficult child was going through his nightmare, he focused on what type of person he wanted to be. I really believe that helped him make better choices and feel repentent when he could not follow through on the better choice. Sometimes our kids know what they want to do but their bodies are so powerful in telling them otherwise. My difficult child was in tears one day when he told me he could no longer fight what his mind was telling him to do and he was afraid of what was going to happen to him. I believe many kids fight a silent battle. They don't know that what they are going through is not normal and unless they ask for help in behaviors or words, they will have unhappy lives. You have joined the ranks of awesome warrior moms to recognize that GFG15 needs help and are fighting to figure out what type of help she needs. You GFG15 is blessed to have someone who sees that her bad behavior is a cry for help, not an action to be punished for. [/QUOTE]
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