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General Parenting
Are You Desensitized?
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 286896" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>I kind of think you have to go through this desensitization in order to get to a healthy detachment. I remember back when my difficult child would not come home but spend her time on the Commons (our downtown area) with other difficult children. We had to report her missing anytime she didn't come home even though she wasn't really missing--needed that paper trail. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, one time we were walking through the Commons on our way to a nearby police station to report her missing and there was a band playing so my husband and I stopped to dance. I thought it was kind of funny--we were so desensitized to the process of having our dtr hanging out with the other difficult children and having to report her missing once again that we were able to stop and enjoy ourselves on our way to the police station.</p><p></p><p>I have a good relationship with difficult child now (although I make sure to keep those boundaries in place). I am not desensitized to the extent I was before but I do have to be careful to not invest my emotions too heavily with her or I could drive myself nuts worrying over her and her baby. For instance, she says she has nowhere to live right now and is staying in a tent at a campground with the baby. I know I cannot and should not help her, she needs to pick herself up and figure out what to do and I think she is doing that. But it is hard to maintain a hard line when I feel so bad for her and I can't "go there"--have to stay strong and neutral.</p><p></p><p>Great topic!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 286896, member: 3450"] I kind of think you have to go through this desensitization in order to get to a healthy detachment. I remember back when my difficult child would not come home but spend her time on the Commons (our downtown area) with other difficult children. We had to report her missing anytime she didn't come home even though she wasn't really missing--needed that paper trail. Anyway, one time we were walking through the Commons on our way to a nearby police station to report her missing and there was a band playing so my husband and I stopped to dance. I thought it was kind of funny--we were so desensitized to the process of having our dtr hanging out with the other difficult children and having to report her missing once again that we were able to stop and enjoy ourselves on our way to the police station. I have a good relationship with difficult child now (although I make sure to keep those boundaries in place). I am not desensitized to the extent I was before but I do have to be careful to not invest my emotions too heavily with her or I could drive myself nuts worrying over her and her baby. For instance, she says she has nowhere to live right now and is staying in a tent at a campground with the baby. I know I cannot and should not help her, she needs to pick herself up and figure out what to do and I think she is doing that. But it is hard to maintain a hard line when I feel so bad for her and I can't "go there"--have to stay strong and neutral. Great topic! Jane [/QUOTE]
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