Are you in therapy due to difficult child stress?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by luvmyottb, Mar 9, 2008.

  1. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    This child has just made me and husband miserable all weekend. She was mouthy, rude, bit my husband, clingy, needy, and would not entertain herself at all. She got sent to her room Friday night and Saturday afternoon and a playdate taken away on Sunday for lying.

    I thinks she has a psychiatric appointment. this week. I just don't think any medications help at all right now. She's back to being a ratfink everyday again.:furious: husband is upstairs now worrying that he has caused her mental abuse due to all the punishments for behavior. My animals act better than she does at times. I am so weary of the stress and tension she causes. My difficult child journal is full of all sorts of interesting behaviors from the last 3 days.

    I think husband and I both need therapy. I don't know how we are going to survive. :faint:
  2. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Yes. I have gone to see my own therapist off and on for many years. Several years ago, when our easy child son was acting up AND we had difficult child stress, husband and I went to a family counselor for some advice. She helped us sort out how to discpline the children and take much needed breaks. Today, we still see her (probably about once a year), when difficult child stress is getting to be too much. in my humble opinion, its a good idea to seek the advice of a therapist when you have the burdens of a special need child. AND be sure to cherish and nourish the marriage relationship.
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I have been in therapy. Not for a few years though. And although it was difficult child-related, it was more the problems I was having with the school, and communicating with them plus coping with difficult child 3's worsening behaviour which at that time and even more now, I ascribe to out of control bullying being handled badly by the school. It was towards the end of the school year that I sought counselling, and always at the end of the school year things were getting worse with difficult child 3, detentions flying thick and fast. A number of times at least, I'm fairly sure he was on detention for behaviour triggered by bullying, and the bullies were not caught or punished - this taught the bullies that difficult child 3 was a safe target, and so it has continued.

    You need to look after yourself. Also, you need to consider - am I trying to discipline too much at one time? You may have your standards set too high. Don't compare raising a child with training your pets - there's a huge difference. Of course your pets are going to be better trained - in dog years, your dogs are likely to be older than your daughter, for a start. How well-behaved is a six month old puppy for you? Add in difficult child-ness and you can see - our kids take longer to get to easy child status.

    Check out "The Explosive Child" for some more effective methods of 'obedience training". And with difficult children, sometimes the obedience training is needed even more for the parents because you really do have to turn your thinking around, if you want to see improvement in their behaviour.

    Good luck. I AM sympathetic, we were there x 3 for a while. And it was the book that showed me why the methods my mother taught me and which seemed so effective for her kids and grandkids, were actually very wrong for MY kids. And then I made the wonderful discovery - Explosive Child" methods work on PCs too.

    Consider it as an effective form of Zen parenting.

  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Not at present, but I have in the past. It can be very helpful to have an objective person to bounce things off of, vent, and find new ways of dealing with stress and with difficult child.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes, and it is very helpful!
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Currently in therapy.

    While this board is my lifeline, it helps to have a face-to-face professional help me work through the day to day issues with difficult child.
  7. dirobb

    dirobb I am a CD addict

    Yes. Off and on the last two years.

    Just recently started back up at husband request. He found himself getting too angry at difficult child, and wanted to talk it thru with our therapist. (whom we love..although he fired difficult child..does not treat anti-social personailty and he sees him headed this way)

    But what great timing for us. Lots of STUFF going on. Actually feeling rather depressed of late. So its nice to be able to bounce ideas, vent get some techniques to deal with our household.

    For awhile it was our date when things were really crazy around here. A one hour breather, so to speak.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im in therapy but it isnt so much for difficult child issues though we do talk about them from time to time because they impact my life negatively.
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    We started family therapy before difficult child was ever diagnosed in large part because of her behavior overall (rage attacks, meltdowns, depression, paranoia, inattentiveness, etc). I ws so distraught, wondering what I had done so wrong between my older daughter and difficult child. Our therapist suggested difficult child be seen and diagnosed. H was against that at the time, but eventually we did. But we stayed in therapy throughout the process and then off and on since. It has been very beneficial for all of us. I wish that my easy child had gone more often, even so that she maybe could understand her sister better.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm not currently in therapy, though I have talked with the children's pastor at church several times. He knows Miss KT and has a good handle on her behaviors, so he's able to offer me some insight and things to try to "redirect" her.
  11. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Yup -- sure am! difficult child stress, husband stress, life stress. It's all over the top some days. And we seem to have a steady stream of medical issues lately...
  12. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    It appears I will be making the rounds this week to find a therapist for me and husband if he wants to join in.

    I know none of us are prepared to deal with our difficult child's, but do I feel inadequate sometimes. I am educated and read everything I get my hands on, but whew what a freakin handful she is!
  13. sandman3

    sandman3 New Member

    I'm not, but I should be! Although my difficult child 1's therapist does spend a bit of time talking to me also, I know I need my "own"'s on my list!
  14. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I went to therapy for a very long time in dealing with M & L. I don't know how else I would have come through it. Maybe difficult child's therapist can refer you to someone? I think it's really important to be able to speak to someone who is your own outlet on these things rather than difficult child's therapist, if you know what I mean.
  15. ML

    ML Guest

    Need therapy but don't have time for it. I once found a therapist who did email visits. I may look into that again.

    They can sure push us to the edge of our limits. Hang in there. I hope you get some time for yourself soon.