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Are you ticklish? And what should the response be?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 400002" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I agree that desensitization should be an option the person being tickled CAN choose, but they sure shouldn't have to. It is WAY to common for a tickler to just look for another spot to tickle or to tickle longer to see if they can over-ride the sensation.</p><p> </p><p>For many years, probably since people began, victims were told that if they didn't react the bullies would get bored and go away. It didn't work 1000 years ago, 100 years ago 10 years ago or now. They just find another way to torment you. I spent YEARS AND YEARS wondering what was wrong with me because I was the victim of several bullies who would NOT stop no matter what I did until I finally started acting crazy (literally, doing very strange, out of character things to make them think I was crazy so they would leave me alone because NOTHING WORKED other than that) and they got SCARED of ME. I even threatened the girl who bullied me from 1st grade to fifth that I would find her home and start with her plants in the yard, her parents' car, her pets, her siblings, then her parents and I would leave her all alone if the world because I would even "get" her aunts, uncles and grandparents. I never said I would kill or hurt them, but I implied it as hard as I could. I used ALL the tricks that she used to get away with threatening me (she never spelled it out so it was "all in my head" and I needed to "ignore her" according to EVERY adult but my father. HIS advice was what worked - threaten/bully her back. </p><p> </p><p>I scared her enough that she wet herself. In 5th grade. In school. It took going to THAT extreme to get her to stop. The entire next year she didn't even LOOK at me. I ran into her parents as an adult and her dad told me she was somehow jealous of me because I was little and cute and thin and she was big, not cute and had a family of little, cute older sisters who bullied her. So she didn't really know how to deal with bullies either and didn't stop until I bullied her into fear and terror.</p><p> </p><p>I am NOT proud. She was one hwo had HUGE fun tickling me from behind during school (esp in religion class and Mass when we were NOT supposed to laugh) and getting me into LOTS of trouble. I don't think ANYONE should have to go through this - from either side. Thankfully NOW we work to teach our kids to not bully - at least there is an effort and recognition that this IS bullying and abusive. It simply didn't happen when I was a kid. The ONLY message I got - from nuns, the priest, parents, aunt, uncle, cousins, EVERY adult i tried to get help from was that <strong>I</strong> was the problem because MY reactions were "too fun to resist" so I must NEVER react to ANYTHING or it would just get worse. It left me WIDE open for my brother's abuse and kept me from telling when others' tried/succeeded. </p><p> </p><p>THIS is why you must trust your instincts. I know my parents, etc... were doing the best they knew how. NO ONE thought bullying was abuse - not any kind and adult could or should stop in and help with. We had to "learn to deal with it" as part of growing up. My father had a few kids who tried to bully him as a kid. Three boys cornered him and did something to him. He climbed a tree and dropped a brick on the head of one of them. He waited behind a corner and got the second with a 2X4. The third would not walk on the same side of the street with him thirty years later. But it stopped the bullies and no one else came after him. He was NOT happy he had to, but proud he made it stop in such a way that it kept others from targetting him.</p><p> </p><p>IN college he put a fork through the hand of a kid who wanted to take his piece of pie. Not teasing, or warning. Stuck the fork in so it came out the other side. Then finished his pie. It was what he was TAUGHT to deal with threats because NOTHING ELSE WORKED.</p><p> </p><p>THAT is what I do NOT want my kids to get used to. In the 60s you didn't get sued, now you do. Back then you were "just kids", now it is (rightly) assault. I want my kids to not HAVE to do that - I know how HORRIBLE I felt after I threatened the girl in my school. Lighter threats didn't work. NOTHING worked until I went that far. My kids DON"T have to go that far. I just hope we can continue to help our kids follow their instincts and not have to go that far.</p><p> </p><p>Because if someone wants to bully you not reacting won't make them go away. It just doesn't work. Never has. You shouldn't HAVE to threaten to hurt them - it hurts you as much as them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 400002, member: 1233"] I agree that desensitization should be an option the person being tickled CAN choose, but they sure shouldn't have to. It is WAY to common for a tickler to just look for another spot to tickle or to tickle longer to see if they can over-ride the sensation. For many years, probably since people began, victims were told that if they didn't react the bullies would get bored and go away. It didn't work 1000 years ago, 100 years ago 10 years ago or now. They just find another way to torment you. I spent YEARS AND YEARS wondering what was wrong with me because I was the victim of several bullies who would NOT stop no matter what I did until I finally started acting crazy (literally, doing very strange, out of character things to make them think I was crazy so they would leave me alone because NOTHING WORKED other than that) and they got SCARED of ME. I even threatened the girl who bullied me from 1st grade to fifth that I would find her home and start with her plants in the yard, her parents' car, her pets, her siblings, then her parents and I would leave her all alone if the world because I would even "get" her aunts, uncles and grandparents. I never said I would kill or hurt them, but I implied it as hard as I could. I used ALL the tricks that she used to get away with threatening me (she never spelled it out so it was "all in my head" and I needed to "ignore her" according to EVERY adult but my father. HIS advice was what worked - threaten/bully her back. I scared her enough that she wet herself. In 5th grade. In school. It took going to THAT extreme to get her to stop. The entire next year she didn't even LOOK at me. I ran into her parents as an adult and her dad told me she was somehow jealous of me because I was little and cute and thin and she was big, not cute and had a family of little, cute older sisters who bullied her. So she didn't really know how to deal with bullies either and didn't stop until I bullied her into fear and terror. I am NOT proud. She was one hwo had HUGE fun tickling me from behind during school (esp in religion class and Mass when we were NOT supposed to laugh) and getting me into LOTS of trouble. I don't think ANYONE should have to go through this - from either side. Thankfully NOW we work to teach our kids to not bully - at least there is an effort and recognition that this IS bullying and abusive. It simply didn't happen when I was a kid. The ONLY message I got - from nuns, the priest, parents, aunt, uncle, cousins, EVERY adult i tried to get help from was that [B]I[/B] was the problem because MY reactions were "too fun to resist" so I must NEVER react to ANYTHING or it would just get worse. It left me WIDE open for my brother's abuse and kept me from telling when others' tried/succeeded. THIS is why you must trust your instincts. I know my parents, etc... were doing the best they knew how. NO ONE thought bullying was abuse - not any kind and adult could or should stop in and help with. We had to "learn to deal with it" as part of growing up. My father had a few kids who tried to bully him as a kid. Three boys cornered him and did something to him. He climbed a tree and dropped a brick on the head of one of them. He waited behind a corner and got the second with a 2X4. The third would not walk on the same side of the street with him thirty years later. But it stopped the bullies and no one else came after him. He was NOT happy he had to, but proud he made it stop in such a way that it kept others from targetting him. IN college he put a fork through the hand of a kid who wanted to take his piece of pie. Not teasing, or warning. Stuck the fork in so it came out the other side. Then finished his pie. It was what he was TAUGHT to deal with threats because NOTHING ELSE WORKED. THAT is what I do NOT want my kids to get used to. In the 60s you didn't get sued, now you do. Back then you were "just kids", now it is (rightly) assault. I want my kids to not HAVE to do that - I know how HORRIBLE I felt after I threatened the girl in my school. Lighter threats didn't work. NOTHING worked until I went that far. My kids DON"T have to go that far. I just hope we can continue to help our kids follow their instincts and not have to go that far. Because if someone wants to bully you not reacting won't make them go away. It just doesn't work. Never has. You shouldn't HAVE to threaten to hurt them - it hurts you as much as them. [/QUOTE]
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