Are your kids like this?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by whatamess, Jun 30, 2009.

  1. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    My ds, 11 has been diagnosis'd with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, anxiety, ADHD and we have suspected mood disorder, tics, Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), PTSD, ODD. He has had a tumultuous school career thus far. With the exception of one school, all of the teachers he has encountered cannot handle him without going over the line. We've pulled him numerous times since preschool. Things like dragging him across the carpet by his legs and shirt, grabbing his cheeks to force him to look while being yelled at (preschool), being wrestled with by a psychologist and then forced to sit still or be put in a hold (preschool), denied food for the entire day of school because he couldn't stand in line nicely (K), being held by a police school liason officer and yelled at for 3 hours (K), being secluded and restrained too many times to count in K-2 grades. Brought home to homeschool for 3 years (going to school for speech only during most of that time, with a try at half days just this spring). Again, this spring the new teacher broke down after 3 days. He is very anxious --> which turns to defiance at such a level many are lost as how to approach him. School refuses 1:1 for him, thought it is desperately obvious he needs it just to maintain behavior, let alone get any work done.
    Do you have children who absolutely refuse to do most tasks for teachers? We have requested no rewards/punishments as motivators because he works the system and will refuse eventually to do the work, no matter the prize or punishment.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! Many of our kids have tons of trouble at school.

    Have you checked out the Special Education 101 section of the site? There is great advice on dealing with the schools there.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I do have a son with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified/Aspergers (whatever it is) who would be quite defiant if treated as poorly as your son was and with as little understanding about autism. These kids are intristically wired differently and DO NOT RESPOND to typical teaching/parenting methods and the educators should know that. Is your son getting any help for his autism?

    in my opinion you need to get your son into a better school setting, and I wouldn't waste time. I'd call your state Dept. of Public Eduation and ask for the Special Needs advocate. And I'd tell them what you told us and let them deal with it because they will and they have a lot of power over school districts. They hold the purse strings and can conduct investigations which no school district likes. I think that perhaps your son needs a smaller setting. I'm no professional, but my guess is that his problems stem from his Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and all the other diagnoses are pretty much alphabet soup. Has your son ever had any early interventions or ongoing interventions? Does he have a tailer-made cirrculum just for him?
    My son used to spend 1/2 day in Special Education, where he really blossomed because of all the 1-1 and the small classroom, and then he'd go with an aide to his other classes. He is doing GREAT. Next year, at 16, he will be fully mainstreamed with only one classroom (a study hall) where he gets special help. He has maintained almost straight A's and has friends and never acts up at school. But we got him a lot of help for his Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and would not allow schools to mistreat him. You must take a strong stand and go outside of your school district to get help. They obviously refuse to help him. It stinks to have to go to the Dept. of Public Education, but that is how we got our son in a program of our choice that really helped him. Plus we were referred to a school advocate who comes with us to every IEP meeting. The educators are on good behavior around her. We haven't had trouble with the school for years.
    If anyone had dragged my son across a carpet even once, I would have callead CPS. And pinching his cheeks? DENYING HIM FOOD? That's child abuse.
    Put on your warrier shield and get your son help.
    Welcome to the board.
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2009
  4. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    He's had intervention since 3, we've had numerous advocates involved-they focus on the IEP, not on the people implementing it. We've had the school's lawyer involved and an advocacy's group lawyer on our side.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    WOW! The schools must be horrible! I cannot imagine what would happen if someone did even ONE of those things to my child.

    Heck, by refusing to feed him the school could lose ALL of the lunch subsidies given by the federal govt. ALL of them. They cannot refuse to feed a child for any reason. Period. Even the summer lunch programs MUST serve every child.

    How would you act in school if those things happened to you?

    some of the things are classic autistic spectrum behaviors, esp not looking people in the eye. They are asking him to do something he just isn't capable of.

    I applaud you for homeschooling him instead of leaving him at the "mercies" of the schools.

    MWM has great advice and you should also go to the Special Education 101 forum. They will be able to give you quite a lot of info .

    Give your difficult child a hug for me. I was abused by the adults in my elementary school and I know some of his pain.

    Hugs to you also.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow-that school district sounds like a nightmare! I would definitely be complaining in writing about these incidents. Some sound illegal and they all sound cruel. I teach and cannot imagine treating students like that!

    Hugs to you both!
  7. ML

    ML Guest

    My 10 yo difficult child going into 5th grade this fall is on the spectrum and has adhd and tics as well. But because we've had great teachers and supports he hasn't had any trouble in school thus far (not holding breath lol). He is able to hold it together and saves meltdowns for home. I'm really sorry to hear of the bad experiences your son has had.
  8. Jeppy

    Jeppy New Member

    It is heartbreaking how your son has been treated. Definitely follow the advice above for getting assistance from others in advocating for your son.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I just read the post about having the school and the advocates lawyers involved.

    You may need to put the people who can work with difficult child and those who must stay away from him in the IEP.

    You also may want to contact legal aid or the ACLU to try to get a lawyer for difficult child. Someone who can meet the lawyers on their level and squash them like bugs.

    You also may point out that since he was refused lunch you are going to contact the person in charge of the federal funding for lunches to file a complaint. Depends on how much you want to antagonize them. Be SURE you find out info on the program (google school lunch program) and can report it immediately if it happens again. Chances are they will get a warning unless they have done it before.

    Hugs for your difficult child. No matter what havoc our difficult child's cause, they never deserve to be treated the way your difficult child has been treated.