Arggg will it ever end??

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by emotionally_drained, Oct 1, 2014.

  1. emotionally_drained

    emotionally_drained New Member

    Wow the last few weeks have been brutal, even my husband says my kids have been relentless and I am drained, my oldest had called and asked to stay with me for a few weeks and I told her NO! So she called my mother and they of course welcomed her with open arms, she eve got snippy with me, well her boyfriend had court on hitting her and she lied for him so he wouldn't go to jail, and to no surprise, he dumps her after all the charges are dropped, so last night se calls me, she is drunk and begins to tell me she is going back to SC and stay with a friend, then she says she is going to kill this guy, I told her to stay where she was and let this guy go, she started yelling at me slurring her words so I just hung up, I had been emotionally drained before the call and that took the rest. Earlier in the day I dealt with being shorted 30 hours on my paycheck and my husbands good friend and co-worker took his life yesterday morning, and NO I never told my daughter that, I didn't want to give her any idea's she used to say that all the time, I am just about at MY breaking point with everything!!!!!!
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Good. Let your mother take care of her. That is her decision.

    I never try to talk sense into difficult child anymore. I listen, if I can stomach it, and do not allow difficult child to abuse me or I gently hang up. He knows this rule in advance...any abusive or aggressive talk and I will hang up. It has been very successful for now because I have really stuck to my guns.

    Don't let your adult child break you. Take care of yourself. Go to a twelve step meeting, get private therapy, don't talk to relatives who don't understand about difficult child. You don't need to hear the drama of difficult child's boyfriend and it may be a good idea to tell her you aren't going to talk to her about him or any of HER criminal activities either. You will be glad to talk to her about her day or how YOU are doing (does she ever ask?) and never when she is drunk or high (I'd hang up on that too). Set boundaries about acceptable ways of talking to you and acceptable topics. You don't have to listen to her if you don't like the topic.

    You can't save her and you can't give her any ideas she hasn't already thought of. You aren't her doormat either. If you aren't healthy and happy, your difficult child controls your life. Most of us on the forum have made a decision both to not enable bad behavior and to work hard to change our reactions to our difficult children and to take good care of ourselves. I think it's wise advice.

    Hugs..we are here for you. by the way, how old is your daughter? If she is in her 20's that is enough already. If she is nearing 30, that's WAY too much already. Even if she is eighteen, she has to start growing up and by listening to her childish rants, you (and all of us who do it) are letting her know you think she is still ten yaers old because she is acting like it and you are validating it by conversing Adult to Child. It should be Adult-Adult.
     
  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Long baths and a glass of wine. You can't change her and you wont win this battle by sheer will alone. Be there for her when she is doing good and let the rest go.
     
  4. emotionally_drained

    emotionally_drained New Member

    she is 21 and thank you all, sometimes I feel like I am alone in all this
     
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