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Argh!!! Really, husband???
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 367839" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry he is so negative. It is totally time to plant that foot more firmly. </p><p></p><p>Is cgfg truly his favorite, or does he just give in because she whines and fusses the most? Either way he isn't doing any of the kids a bit of good. I wonder if he would even see her if you booted him out? You seem to be the one to do everything for her, at least for the most part.</p><p></p><p>For many years I had the policy that if you did not show at least semi-responsible behavior you did not get to use furniture. Period. The 3rd time I had to tell you to get shoes off the furniture, to stop wedging yourself between the arms so hard you push them apart in ways they should not be pushed, to leave the cushions where they belong, etc... you are on the floor. Too much stuff on the floor to find a place to sit comfortably? Clean it up. NOW.</p><p></p><p>My mother was a genius at dealing with us when we gritched and complained. Rather than listen to it, or try to make us see how unreasonable we were being (and we often were), she would simply say, "I need you to take the garbage out. Thank you so much." or some other chore. If we were almost angry or were angry about that kind of thing the chore usually involved scrubbing the bathtub or counters or whatever. Something we could take our frustration out on with-o hurting anything that would get something constructive accomplished.</p><p></p><p>Your husband is griping about the couch because it is a change. Have you ever taken a look at the various symptoms of autism/aspergers/sensory integration problems/etc... with regard to your husband's behaviors? I don't know if they will fit or not, but it might be eye opening. Rarely does a difficult child get the problems from just one side of the family. My mom was almost at the point of separation when she and I were going through a list of aspie traits. I started muttering that this one or that one fit my dad more than my son. It was like a giant 1000 watt lightbulb went on for my mom. What seemed as plain as the zits on my nose on my jr high pictures to me was something she simply had not connected. Once she saw that the things that were driving her crazy were done because dad is more of a classic aspie than anyone else in the family it let her find ways to cope and ways to get him to change that worked with-o angering either one of them. </p><p></p><p>Is it possible that some of the Explosive Child methods would get husband to do some things? Or, and I know this is drastic, what would happen if you suspended the tv and internet service for a couple of weeks. just to break the cycle. Would it cause more problems than it is worth or would it help everyone get into the habit of doing more and watching less? </p><p></p><p>Whatever you work out, many hugs. I know how frustrating it is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 367839, member: 1233"] I am sorry he is so negative. It is totally time to plant that foot more firmly. Is cgfg truly his favorite, or does he just give in because she whines and fusses the most? Either way he isn't doing any of the kids a bit of good. I wonder if he would even see her if you booted him out? You seem to be the one to do everything for her, at least for the most part. For many years I had the policy that if you did not show at least semi-responsible behavior you did not get to use furniture. Period. The 3rd time I had to tell you to get shoes off the furniture, to stop wedging yourself between the arms so hard you push them apart in ways they should not be pushed, to leave the cushions where they belong, etc... you are on the floor. Too much stuff on the floor to find a place to sit comfortably? Clean it up. NOW. My mother was a genius at dealing with us when we gritched and complained. Rather than listen to it, or try to make us see how unreasonable we were being (and we often were), she would simply say, "I need you to take the garbage out. Thank you so much." or some other chore. If we were almost angry or were angry about that kind of thing the chore usually involved scrubbing the bathtub or counters or whatever. Something we could take our frustration out on with-o hurting anything that would get something constructive accomplished. Your husband is griping about the couch because it is a change. Have you ever taken a look at the various symptoms of autism/aspergers/sensory integration problems/etc... with regard to your husband's behaviors? I don't know if they will fit or not, but it might be eye opening. Rarely does a difficult child get the problems from just one side of the family. My mom was almost at the point of separation when she and I were going through a list of aspie traits. I started muttering that this one or that one fit my dad more than my son. It was like a giant 1000 watt lightbulb went on for my mom. What seemed as plain as the zits on my nose on my jr high pictures to me was something she simply had not connected. Once she saw that the things that were driving her crazy were done because dad is more of a classic aspie than anyone else in the family it let her find ways to cope and ways to get him to change that worked with-o angering either one of them. Is it possible that some of the Explosive Child methods would get husband to do some things? Or, and I know this is drastic, what would happen if you suspended the tv and internet service for a couple of weeks. just to break the cycle. Would it cause more problems than it is worth or would it help everyone get into the habit of doing more and watching less? Whatever you work out, many hugs. I know how frustrating it is. [/QUOTE]
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