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Parent Emeritus
Argue, argue, argue...stomach in knots
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<blockquote data-quote="SeekingStrength" data-source="post: 646497" data-attributes="member: 17635"><p>MWM,</p><p></p><p>First, I am very sorry you had to listen to his abuse.</p><p></p><p>A few weeks ago, I read aloud an AARP post to husband while we were in the car. It was a list of tips for getting along with elderly parents. One was <em>Never offer advice unless they ask for it.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>husband and I both have been blasted when trying to point out things to our parents. Nicely trying to point out that they are not thinking straight, lol. (and, in our defense, they were not).</p><p></p><p>Doesn't sound quite like advice you were giving.</p><p></p><p>But, that little list was a WOW moment for me. Our parents bristle if we try to advise. Perhaps, this holds true for 37. Not just advising, but simply commenting beyond the <em>umhum, yes, I see</em> kind of comments that you usually use.</p><p></p><p>I can go on and on about difficult child, couldn't pay car insurance with expensive clothes in his closet. I bought him doctor Martens when he went away to college....trying to show our love. (This was years ago, before we realized things weren't gonna change, no matter what we did/said). husband and I have never had a pair of shoes that cost as much as a pair of doctor Martens. </p><p></p><p>Right or wrong, it is their mindset and I think when we comment about it, we are seen as judging. Do difficult children (or elderly parents - or maybe anybody in between) welcome those comments? I think not. Our words just make things worse. Our example is the only thing that MIGHT help....and, so far, it has not worked for us, lol.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SeekingStrength, post: 646497, member: 17635"] MWM, First, I am very sorry you had to listen to his abuse. A few weeks ago, I read aloud an AARP post to husband while we were in the car. It was a list of tips for getting along with elderly parents. One was [I]Never offer advice unless they ask for it. [/I] husband and I both have been blasted when trying to point out things to our parents. Nicely trying to point out that they are not thinking straight, lol. (and, in our defense, they were not). [I][/I] Doesn't sound quite like advice you were giving. But, that little list was a WOW moment for me. Our parents bristle if we try to advise. Perhaps, this holds true for 37. Not just advising, but simply commenting beyond the [I]umhum, yes, I see[/I] kind of comments that you usually use. I can go on and on about difficult child, couldn't pay car insurance with expensive clothes in his closet. I bought him doctor Martens when he went away to college....trying to show our love. (This was years ago, before we realized things weren't gonna change, no matter what we did/said). husband and I have never had a pair of shoes that cost as much as a pair of doctor Martens. Right or wrong, it is their mindset and I think when we comment about it, we are seen as judging. Do difficult children (or elderly parents - or maybe anybody in between) welcome those comments? I think not. Our words just make things worse. Our example is the only thing that MIGHT help....and, so far, it has not worked for us, lol. [/QUOTE]
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Argue, argue, argue...stomach in knots
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