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Argue, argue, argue...stomach in knots
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 646597" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>That happens to me with difficult child son too, MWM. Here is the difference for both of us, now: we get it that this is abuse. We get it that <em>abuse is nothing personal</em>. It means nothing and there is no value in it and we will not help or heal our children through excusing it.</p><p></p><p>It's like the abusive person is trapped in a holding pattern, and is not really there, is not really present, at all.</p><p></p><p>That's how it feels, to me.</p><p></p><p>We could never listen enough, we could never understand enough, because what our sons need to learn is to respect themselves enough to respect their own mothers.</p><p></p><p>I think that is what I know about this.</p><p></p><p>It still feels like someone took a battering ram to me, when it happens to me. It's like I get too hot, and I can't think about anything but "What time is it, now." </p><p></p><p>And how to get myself off the phone without being nasty.</p><p></p><p>There isn't any way. </p><p></p><p>We just have to say what we know needs saying. Things have been going so well with 37 lately that you probably could not believe this was happening. That happens to me, too.</p><p></p><p>It is in our nature's to be kind, to nurture the other guy through it. That is why we are so often targeted by abusers. They can sense that.</p><p></p><p>Next time, you will know.</p><p></p><p>And so will he.</p><p></p><p>Surprise, surprise, 37. Lady and the Tiger.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh, for Heaven's sake. He so doesn't have a clue. Nurse Practitioners do make a certain amount of money, but before you are a Nurse Practitioner you are a nurse and trust me, nurses do what they do for the satisfaction of helping. </p><p></p><p>You could not pay someone to do what a nurse will do cheerfully and well and with great satisfaction. Nursing is an art.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well, your son must be an attractive man. I like the looks of my son, too.</p><p></p><p>Like everything to do with difficult child kids, their appearances just add to their arrogance.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Grrr....</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is the worst thing about having difficult child kids. They tear into us and our self esteem leaks away and we come away from it rattled and shaken and trying to rebalance ourselves and we can't do it.</p><p></p><p>Then, we have to see, again and again and again, truths that were hard enough to dredge up and face in the first place, so we can remember how we got to sane and stable the last time this happened.</p><p></p><p>I am reading Anne Lamott, this morning. Here is something beautiful and so right for this morning, MWM.</p><p></p><p>"But if you gently help yourself back to the present moment, you see how life keeps stumbling along and how you may actually find your way through another ordinary or impossible day. Details are being revealed, and they will take you out of yourself, which is heaven, and you will have a story to tell, which is salvation that again and again saves us, the way Jesus saves some people, or the way sobriety does. Stories to tell or hear ~ either way, it's medicine. The Word.</p><p></p><p>So I say "Thanks," because revelation has shown me things that are miserable that somehow I get to sidestep; or that are miserable but that prayer and friends help me find a way through; or that are painful and beautiful in ways that make your heart ache, that draw you closer forever to the comrades who have walked with you.</p><p></p><p>Without revelation and reframing, life can seem lika an ednless desert of danger with scratchy sand in your shoes, and yet if we remember or are reminded to pay attention, we find so many sources of hidden water, so many bits and chips and washes of color, in a weed or the gravel or a sunrise. There are so many ways to sweep the sand off our feet. So we say, "Oh my God. Thanks."</p><p></p><p>Anne Lamott</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Did you pause MWM, at the part about the comrades?</p><p></p><p>That's us.</p><p></p><p>Right here, listening to the story and oohing and ah-haing over the parts where you were courageous and faced what was true, or where 37 was a jerk.</p><p></p><p>Oh, that 37!!!</p><p></p><p></p><p>.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 646597, member: 17461"] That happens to me with difficult child son too, MWM. Here is the difference for both of us, now: we get it that this is abuse. We get it that [I]abuse is nothing personal[/I]. It means nothing and there is no value in it and we will not help or heal our children through excusing it. It's like the abusive person is trapped in a holding pattern, and is not really there, is not really present, at all. That's how it feels, to me. We could never listen enough, we could never understand enough, because what our sons need to learn is to respect themselves enough to respect their own mothers. I think that is what I know about this. It still feels like someone took a battering ram to me, when it happens to me. It's like I get too hot, and I can't think about anything but "What time is it, now." And how to get myself off the phone without being nasty. There isn't any way. We just have to say what we know needs saying. Things have been going so well with 37 lately that you probably could not believe this was happening. That happens to me, too. It is in our nature's to be kind, to nurture the other guy through it. That is why we are so often targeted by abusers. They can sense that. Next time, you will know. And so will he. Surprise, surprise, 37. Lady and the Tiger. Oh, for Heaven's sake. He so doesn't have a clue. Nurse Practitioners do make a certain amount of money, but before you are a Nurse Practitioner you are a nurse and trust me, nurses do what they do for the satisfaction of helping. You could not pay someone to do what a nurse will do cheerfully and well and with great satisfaction. Nursing is an art. Well, your son must be an attractive man. I like the looks of my son, too. Like everything to do with difficult child kids, their appearances just add to their arrogance. Grrr.... This is the worst thing about having difficult child kids. They tear into us and our self esteem leaks away and we come away from it rattled and shaken and trying to rebalance ourselves and we can't do it. Then, we have to see, again and again and again, truths that were hard enough to dredge up and face in the first place, so we can remember how we got to sane and stable the last time this happened. I am reading Anne Lamott, this morning. Here is something beautiful and so right for this morning, MWM. "But if you gently help yourself back to the present moment, you see how life keeps stumbling along and how you may actually find your way through another ordinary or impossible day. Details are being revealed, and they will take you out of yourself, which is heaven, and you will have a story to tell, which is salvation that again and again saves us, the way Jesus saves some people, or the way sobriety does. Stories to tell or hear ~ either way, it's medicine. The Word. So I say "Thanks," because revelation has shown me things that are miserable that somehow I get to sidestep; or that are miserable but that prayer and friends help me find a way through; or that are painful and beautiful in ways that make your heart ache, that draw you closer forever to the comrades who have walked with you. Without revelation and reframing, life can seem lika an ednless desert of danger with scratchy sand in your shoes, and yet if we remember or are reminded to pay attention, we find so many sources of hidden water, so many bits and chips and washes of color, in a weed or the gravel or a sunrise. There are so many ways to sweep the sand off our feet. So we say, "Oh my God. Thanks." Anne Lamott :O) Cedar Did you pause MWM, at the part about the comrades? That's us. Right here, listening to the story and oohing and ah-haing over the parts where you were courageous and faced what was true, or where 37 was a jerk. Oh, that 37!!! . [/QUOTE]
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