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Parent Emeritus
Argue, argue, argue...stomach in knots
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 646645" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks, all. Here is an update. And it's common.</p><p></p><p>He hung up on me and I haven't heard from him since. That's a long time for him. He must be aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwfullyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy mad. At what, I'm not sure. I guess because I contradicted him, which I know better than to waste my time doing, and secondly to have the nerve to tell him I can't solve this "petty, unimportant" girl problem for him. I didn't say "petty" or "unimportant", but gimme a break....I hate to sound stereotypical, but ISIS is killing people, children are dying of cancer, and he's worried about which girl to have a date with and wants ME to tell him???? Trust me, I don't miss his calls. I know he'll call eventually...</p><p></p><p>So just when I think my day off will be peaceful, the phone rings and it's my oldest daughter. I'm sure I have told everyone that, although I did divorce my first hubby, he was an emotionally, financially abusive difficult child and very strange. He lends out money, of which he inherited much of, but he gets angry that he does it and yells at the kids. Well, this time he had lent my daughter $2000 or so. He had her sign a form saying she'd pay him back. She is going to, but has to do it later than expected and he doesn't really need it and the bottom line is, he knows sh e doesn't often have much money and should have said "no" if this scenario was going to shock him. It has happened before and she always does pay him back, so it's not like he was guaranteed timely pay. In fact, since he hates giving money to the kids, he shouldn't. I don't know why he does. But he did this time and she will have a hard time if she has to pay him right now and she asked him if that was ok, which he usually says it is after a string of abuse. But it was different this time.</p><p></p><p>What does he tell her? Ready? (Think of him screaming and swearing first)</p><p></p><p>"Maybe you should become a prostitute and make some money yourself."</p><p></p><p>(silence)</p><p></p><p>Yes, he has said stupid things to the kids, but nothing quite that bad. Daughter tries so hard to get her father to love her (it breaks my heart how hard she tries) and when she called me, she was crying and said she'd pay him back right now, was NOT going to his house as planned, and was not sure when she would be able to talk to him again. She was simply going to put money into a joint account they have (she is in charge of his money if something happens to him so she can do that). Ex keeps calling to apologize, but she won't listen and won't pick up the phone. She called me back and said, "I can't talk to him now, Mom. Why would he say something like that to his own daughter???"</p><p></p><p>This really upset me and every time I think about it, it still does. Of all three of his kids...37, He-Who-Left-Family and this daughter, she is by far the sweetest, nicest one who does anything for him that he asks her to do (which is a lot).</p><p></p><p>Maybe she is going to have to learn to detach. I've been talking to her about detachment, but it usually takes a "final straw" to do it. I feel so badly that he said that to her. Nobody should hear that crap from a parent.</p><p></p><p>Sorry to change the thread, but I'm still shaking from hearing that.</p><p></p><p>Some difficult children never grow up. Ex is 66.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 646645, member: 1550"] Thanks, all. Here is an update. And it's common. He hung up on me and I haven't heard from him since. That's a long time for him. He must be aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwfullyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy mad. At what, I'm not sure. I guess because I contradicted him, which I know better than to waste my time doing, and secondly to have the nerve to tell him I can't solve this "petty, unimportant" girl problem for him. I didn't say "petty" or "unimportant", but gimme a break....I hate to sound stereotypical, but ISIS is killing people, children are dying of cancer, and he's worried about which girl to have a date with and wants ME to tell him???? Trust me, I don't miss his calls. I know he'll call eventually... So just when I think my day off will be peaceful, the phone rings and it's my oldest daughter. I'm sure I have told everyone that, although I did divorce my first hubby, he was an emotionally, financially abusive difficult child and very strange. He lends out money, of which he inherited much of, but he gets angry that he does it and yells at the kids. Well, this time he had lent my daughter $2000 or so. He had her sign a form saying she'd pay him back. She is going to, but has to do it later than expected and he doesn't really need it and the bottom line is, he knows sh e doesn't often have much money and should have said "no" if this scenario was going to shock him. It has happened before and she always does pay him back, so it's not like he was guaranteed timely pay. In fact, since he hates giving money to the kids, he shouldn't. I don't know why he does. But he did this time and she will have a hard time if she has to pay him right now and she asked him if that was ok, which he usually says it is after a string of abuse. But it was different this time. What does he tell her? Ready? (Think of him screaming and swearing first) "Maybe you should become a prostitute and make some money yourself." (silence) Yes, he has said stupid things to the kids, but nothing quite that bad. Daughter tries so hard to get her father to love her (it breaks my heart how hard she tries) and when she called me, she was crying and said she'd pay him back right now, was NOT going to his house as planned, and was not sure when she would be able to talk to him again. She was simply going to put money into a joint account they have (she is in charge of his money if something happens to him so she can do that). Ex keeps calling to apologize, but she won't listen and won't pick up the phone. She called me back and said, "I can't talk to him now, Mom. Why would he say something like that to his own daughter???" This really upset me and every time I think about it, it still does. Of all three of his kids...37, He-Who-Left-Family and this daughter, she is by far the sweetest, nicest one who does anything for him that he asks her to do (which is a lot). Maybe she is going to have to learn to detach. I've been talking to her about detachment, but it usually takes a "final straw" to do it. I feel so badly that he said that to her. Nobody should hear that crap from a parent. Sorry to change the thread, but I'm still shaking from hearing that. Some difficult children never grow up. Ex is 66. [/QUOTE]
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