Since Sam's massive meltdown last week, I've been on the phone and the computer to see who I can get to see him. I get a hold of the Child Development Dept. at the same Children's Hospital that we took Sam to in Feb. Even if I hand-deliver their paperwork back to them tomorrow, they're still not able to get us in the schedule until July. Other local children's hospital doesn't have openings until Sept. I guess it's all a learning process for us all... I'm frustrated though because in Feb. he was assessed by the Children's Hospital's psychiatric Dept. At the time I made the appointment I thought I was going to get a full multi-disciplinary team doing the assessment -- nope. Just a psychiatric. resident along with her supervisor. Turns out the place I needed to go was the Child Development Dept. -- would've been nice to know that then. Ugh. Then of course we're dealing with insurance... the good news/bad news is that we've met our deductible for the year already. So I'm hunting around to see which Child Psychiatrists are on our plan & who's taking new patients. Luckily, Sam's pediatrician has referred us to an Occupational Therapist (OT) for an evaluation on his possible sensory issues... so maybe if we get into a Psychiatrist soon we'll be able to get some of his behavior issues under control - -at least somewhat. Unfortunately, Sam's getting more aggressive & violent. He threw an ink pen at me today -- in close range so it hit me in the chest. He threw a chair (albeit a light one) across the room the other day, and a full glass of water at his dad. And of course there's the usual punches & kicks for me. Over the weekend easy child said loudly, "Sam's got a knife!" -- and he did -- a dinner knife (not so sharp) and a steak knife. He didn't threaten anyone with them -- said he just wanted to see what would happen if he scratched/scraped a pencil with the knives. A week or so (under supervision) he did try to carve/cut an ice cube withe a dinner knife, so maybe it's legit curiousity. Still, when he grabbed a pair of sharp scissors tonight, I know husband, easy child & I were alarmed. husband got him to hand over the scissors (he wanted to cut a bottle from a 6 pack of soft drinks) without incident -- but still it scares me that I'm scared about this. Does that make sense? Doesn't help either that husband is going out of town on business for a full week starting Friday. He's usually only gone 3-4 days at a time, but this is a longer stretch. I know Sam still needs loving & caring and snuggling -- but I'm so frustrated, angry or exhausted that he's really the last person I want to be near. Makes me sad to think of my loving, chubby, easy going baby. Where did that Sam go?