Around and around we go again.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by comatheart, Nov 23, 2014.

  1. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    Time for an update.

    My last post here I was complaining that my son wasn't getting random drug testing from the programs he is in. I finally let that go (thanks to alanon.) I realized it was my way of holding onto control that I just don't have anymore.

    Well that and someone told me I don't need a test to tell me. I can just look at his behaviors. And that's so true! There are so many red flags. Lets see....

    1. Posting pics in the middle of the night looking higher than a kite.
    2. Not taking his mood stabilizer. (I know because he has yet to ask for a refill on it.)
    3. No longer attending counseling. He only went twice since getting out of treatment.
    4. Not remembering whole conversations.
    5. Calling one night talking a million miles a minute about a hundred different things. (He's normally very quiet, prefers to text)
    6. Still no sponsor

    So imagine my suprise when he calls me Fri and admits to relapse. Just as my gut predicted. Only im pretty certain he's only giving me 1/10th the story. Especially since he contines to hang out with the people he relapsed with. (Seen on social media) He has no real plan to turn it around. Hes just gonna stop. (Hear my sarcasm?)

    **Sigh**

    I'm so proud of myself for keeping my cool and responding very calm. I think difficult child was taken back by that.
    Of course inside, it's all I can do to not project. I just keep imagining getting another call in the middle of the night with him on a ventilator....

    ***Huge sigh***

    I'm just so tired. I know you all can relate.

    Thanks for letting me get it out.
     
  2. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Well I am sorry to hear your suspicions were confirmed and that difficult child isn't doing what he needs to do to get better.

    Sending hugs
     
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi comaheart. I think that a mom's gut feeling is at least as accurate as any drug test on the market.

    I am glad that Alanon is helping you let go. As horrible as this sounds, there is great peace to be found when you accept that your child is an addict/alcoholic and that you can't change it.

    All you can do is get on with your life and hope for the best.

    {{{Hugs}}}

    ~Kathy
     
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with the mom's gut feeling, it's right everytime. I'm sorry he relapsed. Boy this time of year is brutal for addicts and their parents. I have been where you are now and I wish you didn't have to be there. Glad you got it out.
     
  5. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    I agree...there's nothing more telling than a mom's intuition. Sorry he's not ready to step up and take responsibility. Take care of yourself. We are always here for you!
     
  6. Gone

    Gone Guest

    I feel very similar

    I THINK I smelt alcohol on my difficult child's breath last time I saw her , but according to her she has ''stopped drinking and is doing well''

    Something doesn't feel right though , she is not transparent as of yet and just seems to tell people ''what they want to hear''

    I told her Aunt I suspect she is still drinking , her Aunt who has not even seen much of her says she suspects she hasn't stopped drinking either as she is used to the 'shpiel' .... ''I'm doing well'' ... ''I've stopped drinking'' ...''I'm going to get my son back soon''

    It's not that simple , it is the child protection agencies JOB / role to PROTECT children from any potential harm or risk and they are NOT going to hand her child back to her so early into her ''recovery'' ( ie in her books about 5 weeks ) that is WAY too early to have him back even though my heart ACHES to spend Christmas with him I want what is best for HIM

    I suggested I move in with her for a month if he is returned as he is in 'voluntary' care , not 'court ordered' so we will see what happens but I do want to protect him either way , whatever happens and I have told SS of my suspicions about her still possibly drinking and told them about her cannabis use and asked them to do a blood test before he is possibly returned but I don't see it happening even though she has the 'parental right' to take him out of care at present any worries and SS will have to get a court order and we lose him FURTHER into the system! :pouting:
     
  7. Gone

    Gone Guest

    It feels like I am losing him to the system already! :angry-very:

    I still pray that if I carry on being strong , doing the right thing to PROTECT him , then it will all work out in the end for everyone and for everyones sake even my difficult child who won't recognise that as yet as me protecting little man is seen as me selling her out! :dissapointed2:
     
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hon, you are saving your grandson from your daughter's drug addiction, lying and general dysfunction. If you can think of what you are doing as being your grandson's savior, maybe you can feel peaceful with your decision. Your daughter, flesh and blood or not, if not fit to be a mother and it's hard enough for you to ride with her...can you imagine your grandson having to ride with her for the rest of his life?

    Our difficult children are always angry at us. What else is new. It would be great, in my own opinion, if you could acknowledge the good you are doing for your GS and feel good enough about yourself to move on to live the rest of your life knowing you have been a hero. If your daughter is abusive, you don't have to listen to her. You can choose, if you are tired of the abuse, to go low contact with your daughter. Maybe a ten minute phone call twice a week and you tell her in advance you will disconnect if she is not respectful...then, in MY world, I do it. You don't need to see her until she is ready to treat you like the caring mother and grandma you are. It's totally up to you. There is bad news and good news here. Bad news: You have 0% control over your daughter's life. Good news: You have 100% control of your own life and can choose to deal with your daughter in a different way if you want to. You do not have to listen to her.

    You can choose to hang with your loved ones who appreciate you, pursue your hobbies, go back to doing the things you love, and embracing the wonder of life. It's all in your power. Your daughter can only destroy your life is you let her do it.You know she is going to try guilt and abuse such as, "You are pulling my son away from me. How could you do this to me? I'm your daughter! (Fill in the rest of the abusive conversation)." But she's just trying to guilt you and you don't have to listen. The real truth is that she is unfit to care for any child, let alone one with special needs. She can't face the truth. Our grown kids have a big problem taking the blame even when it stares them in the face.

    You have some tough decisions to make. To me, you are a hero to that little boy though.
     
  9. Gone

    Gone Guest

    LOL I know it's not meant to make me laugh but it is SO true

    Sometimes I don't know what to do but then I ''seek'' inside and find the answers which at present is to just do EVERYTHING I CAN to PROTECT my GS from any harm or possible harm and I can be content with that

    It means being strong with my difficult child but SO BE IT , if she doesn't like it , tough , she IS a manipulator but I MUST stand my ground where my GS is concerned for HIS SAKE and I WILL

    I do feel I am becoming stronger and stronger now even though I have my weak blips with my difficult child , but I am concentrating on my GS and my GS alone , HE is my focus apart from myself as my difficult child wants and likes all the focus on her but that CANNOT be done as she is NOT the CHILD AT RISK here , my GS is and I will do WHATEVER I CAN to protect him

    I don't feel like his saviour or hero - I just feel like his Nanny who loves him and it is the pure love which fuels what I do xx
     
Loading...