Arrrrgggg

[crazymama30]

husband is driving me nuts. difficult child has a project that is due tommorrow. difficult child has reminded husband several times, and husband is too busy watching TV or sleeping to help him. The project involves carpentry stuff, and I am not so good at that and difficult child really wanted husband to help him, it is a guy thing and I get that.

I just wish husband did.


husband is now, finally, getting started. It is 8:00pm and difficult child is tired and wants to go to bed (yes, that is normal for him, believe it or not. He usually puts himself to bed by 8:30 or I send him there.). difficult child should have turned in the assignment on time---he forgot it at home. husband is so, just so!!!!!!!!!!!

For the last month all he has done is watched TV(his life), slept, and gone to the gym once or twice a week. He sees psychiatrist on Tuesday, thank god. I really don't know what good the medications are doing, he is snappish, mean, and for now a lump!


Sorry for the rant, but I have had it up to here tonight. I hate it when he lets difficult child down..

 

[gcvmom]

Sounds like husband is still having depressive symptoms. Maybe his medications need a tweak?

 

[crazymama30]

Yep, I think they do. I don't know what they are going to tweak, he is at 1,000mg of Tegretol xr a day, 4500mg of neurontin, plus other pain stuff. I guess I will find out Tuesday, cuz I am going to the appointment and I am going to speak up.

When I try to talk to husband about this stuff, he gets really defensive. I try to not be blaming, saying things like I am worried about you, it has to not feel good to stay in bed all the time, and so on but nothing works. He says he goes to bed early---yeah he goes to bed at 9:30 or 10pm but does not fall asleep untill midnight or 2am or even later--and that is after a hefty dose of temazepam. Then he wakes up around 11am to 2pm but stays in bed for another hour or two. I figured it out the other day and he spends 14 to 18hrs a day in bed. How can he do that? It would drive me batty.

 

[gcvmom]

Good thing you are going. Definitely bring up your concerns about his irregular sleep patterns. Something has to change.

 

[DammitJanet]

CM....Can I ask you some fairly personal questions about husband's chronic pain conditions and what other medications he takes? I only ask this because as you know I also have the chronic pain conditions and take a boatload of medications but I am not sleeping as much as your husband. Some days I probably wish I could...lol.

As you know, I do have bipolar plus the pain stuff. I take 400mgs lamictal, 600mgs topamax, .05mgs klonopin, 10mgs ambien and 100 mgs seroquel for that. For the pain stuff I take Lorcet ES 3 times a day and 900 mgs of Neurontin and 4 mgs of zanaflex.

When I take the Lorcet ES, I dont get sleepy at all. It just helps the pain. The zanaflex doesnt make me loopy at all anymore. It used to. Neither does the klonopin.

Now, when I take my nighttime medications, which are all the other medications, I do get sleepy but that is at night and by morning I am ready to get up. Sometimes I do take a nap but not often and that is normally when I am in bad pain or sick.

 

[Hound dog]

To commiserate.....that is soooo my husband, and always has been. Trazadone transforms him into a completely different person. First time ever I saw a medication work so darn well for someone. And funny thing is that it was prescribed for sleep not for depression. lol

I wound up doing 99 percent of the father/son things with Travis. Good at them or not. He's just lucky his Mom was a tomboy growing up....so most of it I'm pretty good at. Neither of us could tolerate husband disappointing him after a while and it was just easier on everyone for Mom to stand in for Dad.

Janet's made a valid point. Maybe his medications for depression and chronic pain aren't working well together. Maybe the medications he's on for one or the other aren't a good match for him. I like lamictal......alot. Awesome medication for bipolars, actually made for the disorder.

I'm dealing with the same thing right now and husband is driving me near the edge. But we have no insurance which means we can't afford the doctor visit to get him back on the trazadone right now. ugh

((hugs))

 

[timer lady]

I hope you find some resolutions for whatever is going on with husband.

I spent 3 months this past fall/winter in various therapies. Occupational Therapist (OT) was most helpful in helping me manage my fatigue & pain. It was mostly thru setting up a daily routine which I followed religiously.

It also helped my mood (depression) to have a set in stone routine. The pain medications can be mood altering, as you likely know ~ husband needs to recognize when he is in over his head. Plan for activity, then for rest.

Keeping a good thought for psychiatrist appointment.

 

[crazymama30]

Janet--husband takes 500mg Tegretol xr twice a day (for mood--has never made him sleepy), 1800mg neurontin morning and evening and 900mg at noon (for nerve pain and also for anxiety--again does not make him sleepy--I know that makes no sense but it does not) 10mg adderrall every morning (not sure if it is doing anything)10mg oxycontin 3 times a day (had to stop percocet as it was too activating and helped push him towards mania. Opiates are very activating for him). Celebrex 200mg once a day (anti inflamm). Trilipix 135mg once a day (for him incredibly high lipids, will be adding a cholesterol medication soon) Flexeril 10mg twice a day (muscle relaxer). Vitamin B complex, multivitamin, calcium, flax seed for the omega 3's, and move free (glucosamine chondroitin). I think I got them all.

As an afterthought, I wonder if the adderall has anything to do with this? He was actually doing better before we added it. At first psychiatrist had him on 30mg and husband was so wound up it was not funny. We then were supposed to go to 20mg but husband did not want to so we went with 10mg. Before his psychiatric hospital admission a stimulant was added and then removed. This is definately worth mentioning to psychiatrist.

He has been on Lamictal, Trileptal, Lithium, Depakote, Seroquel, Abilify, Geodon, ritalin all with either no effect or horrible side effects. He developed tardive dyskinesia from geodon. psychiatrist is leary to go back to aps due to this, it took almost 9 months for that to go away.

Timer, you have hit the nail on the head. If he would get on a routine and force himself to stick to it I think it would help tremendously. Unfortunately husband does not see any value to this, he just is incapable of caring right now. He is very odd, sometimes very hypomanic and others so depressed. It would be so hard to get him on a schedule, I would have to take a leave from work to make sure he got up in the morning as he has never been able to wake himself up in the morning. I think that is due to some severe abuse he suffered as a child. His parents woke him up by dumping a 5 gallon bucket of pond water on him (winter and summer). He was punished in some very severe ways and had a very manipulative step mother. She would hide her cigarettes under the boys' mattresses and when their dad got home she would show him and say the boys stole them and the boys were beaten. Severely.


Anyways, I will go to psychiatrist appointment tommorrow and bring some of husband's recent behavior up. There is more, but I don't want to write a book and some of it well, I just don't want to see it in black and white on the net.

 

[DammitJanet]

The only thing I can see in there that SHOULD make him sleepy is the neurontin but and maybe the flexeril but you say the neurontin doesnt. Neurontin makes me very tired.

I can believe the Oxycontin is giving him energy. I was amazed when I took it (only 10mgs twice a day) at how much energy I had. My pain was less and I felt well enough to actually move and get things done...lol. I was expecting to feel sedated but oh heck no! It wasnt a high feeling, it was a "oh gosh, I feel like I feel better, Im not tired, lets do something normal for once" type feeling. I could wake up at a normal time and do the laundry and get the dishes done and maybe run a few errands.

Hmmm...maybe I need to go get back on oxy...lmao.

Flexeril doesnt work for me. I dont even get a bit of relief from it so I cant remember much about it but I do remember it didnt make me sleepy. I know some folks do get sleepy on it.

I think your hubby is going to have to just get into a better schedule. Even when I was sick in the rehab hospital they didnt let me just lay in the bed...even though that was all I wanted to do. I had to get up at a certain time, do certain therapies at a certain time, eat at certain times and had rest periods at certain times. Probably why I got better.

 

[crazymama30]

The oxy's don't give him much if any energy, but man the percocet sure did. Flexeril does not make him tired.

I know he needs to be on a better schedule, but I don't want to have to be the one to enforce it. I think the only way I could do it was if he would shut his blessed TV off at 10 or 11pm, take his evening medications at 6pm and the sleeper at 9pm. Every night. It would be hard for me to do this when I work as I usually go to sleep myself by 9 or 10 as I am up at 4am daily. I could not stay up long enough to ensure that he followed the rules, and he would not or could not do it on his own. I think I have 4 kids, and husband counts as 2.

 

[DammitJanet]

Where is the TV? Bedroom?

Mine is and I take my nighttime medications around 9/10 too. That way I am normally asleep by 11. My tv shuts itself off automatically.

 

[Wiped Out]

Sending hugs your way-sorry he let difficult child down.

 

[crazymama30]

The TV is in the bedroom, he takes his sleeping pills and then just powers through them. he says they are still working but I doubt it. psychiatrist tommorrow.

 

[crazymama30]

And now...............happy cheerful and talkative. He has not been this way in 2 weeks.

 

[gcvmom]

Tell him to just shut it and go to bed! Pretend that little happy blip was just an abberration. 'Cuz it probably was. Good luck tomorrow!

 

[flutterby]

The medications aren't making him sleepy, but he's sleeping so much. Flexril knocks me on my hiney (but doesn't work for anything else) and it also makes me depressed. Depression can cause more sleep, which I know you know. There are other muscle relaxers out there. I would check others out.

Opiates are activating for me, too. I don't mind it because otherwise I'd just sleep even more (except for recently when I can't seem to sleep at all). However, about 3 hours after I take them I get the crash. I don't usually go to sleep, but I get very sleep for about an hour or so.

So many of the medications he's taking can have that crash. I wonder if it could be happening. He may not realize it because they don't make him sleepy initially, but as they wear off it could be causing that.

Just a thought. But, yeah, medications need to be looked at.

The pain also causes fatigue which doesn't help with mood disorders and it just becomes a vicious cycle.

 

[flutterby]

Also, look into folic acid. Deplin is the prescription medical food that is new (it's methylfolate), but you could also try OTC. It might help with energy levels. And make sure he's getting 1,000mcg of B12 in the B Complex.

 

[crazymama30]

I get frustrated as everyone but psychiatrist blames the medications for his sleepiness. He used to take flexeril at noon, and was never tired. Is not tired after his noon neurontin dose, if he takes his evening medications at 6pm he is not tired--that has large doses of Tegretol and Neurontin.

Why 1,000mcg of B 12? That sure seems like a lot.

So I wonder how much of his sleeping is the pain? I have thought that the pain must be exhausting, but it is so hard to tease the mood and pain piece apart as they are so intertwined.

 

[flutterby]

The 1,000mcg of B12 is what my doctor recommends for people with fatigue. The B vitamins are water soluble, so you can't get too much unless you have kidney issues; your body will just get rid of what it doesn't need.

ETA: The generic Kroger brand of B12 that I take is 1,000mcg in one pill.

 

[crazymama30]

I will get some, we have a b complex that has several different kinds of b vitamins but only 15mcg of b 12. It is worth a try, especially since they are water soluble.