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Article on Spanking and Predisposition to aggression - interesting
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 518277" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>DDD, I think you are very right. First, most parents spank because they are trying to help the child, NOT to beat the child. No evil intent at all. Second, my dad is clearly an aspie. When we went through the list of traits in a book for teachers, he had all but 2 out of a 2 page list. wiz had less than half that many. My dad grew up in a house with 2 parents, with relatives next door and in 3 houses across the street and with over 50 relatives of all ages in less than 2 blocks. He had ALL those people involved in his life, and a ton of cousins to play with, and almost no scheduled activities or parental supervision but a TON of adults watching out for him in the community. In the summer he spent all day at the pool while his mom was at home and he was NEVER unsupervised and not in much trouble. He NEVER required Special Education or even a diagnosis because the family managed to help him with everything and didn't realize it was a problem. He was just quirky.</p><p></p><p>I grew up with little contact with these people but still wtih a street full of neighbors who would keep an eye I think it does contribute at least as much to the changes we see as spanking does. We sepnd so much time making sure our kids have this and that activity and class that we forget that they also need to be kids. I always thought it was so sad that few of my kids' friends had more than 1 evening a week with-o a class or practice or activity, or a weekend day free to figure out what to do. I was the "wierdo" who neglected my kids by not putting them in everything and not entertaining them when they were home. The parents ALL want their kids to be like Jess and thank you, we hear it constantly, but they don't want to unschedule their kids because they "must" have language lessons by age 9 and music by age 6 or 7 and since school doesn't offer them until grade 6, well, they won't EVER make it into college with-o those things so they MUST have those things every week. And they have kids with little ability to amuse themselves and very regimented ideas about creativity and what is/isn't creative. I blew the minds of the kids AND PARENTS and teachers of J's classmates wehn I did art projects. how? I told them that there are NO mistakes. You don't make mistakes, you PERSONALIZE. You don't mess up, you customize, you individualize. Those "mistakes" can trigger ideas and take you in whole new directions to create something you would NeVER have thought of otherwise. Like chocolate chip cookies.</p><p></p><p>I had to explain how choc chip cookies were created, and usually I had some for the first few lessons to drive my point home. But i had SOOOO many kids and parents stop me and they were gobsmacked that in an art project there wasn't a right or wrong way, just their way. It saddened me, because these are amazing, cool, fun, often very gifted kids. </p><p></p><p>And this is part of the complexity of the problem that the scientists are telling us is caused by spanking and supposedly fixed by not spanking. I remember 3 spankings when I was a kid. One for reaching to get a pencil that was on the same table as my dad's gun. he set me up, totally planned it. he wanted me to REMEMBER ALWAYS to not EVER reach for or near a gun. It was NOT hard or vicious, it was a normal spanking, 2 swats on my tushie. It also was an important safety lesson. He was a security guard and that gun was part of his job. It came home and got locked up, but things can happen and he wanted me to be safe for always. Later I got gun safety, but I was 4 and that was what I needed to know. The other time was for teasing the dog. My mom spanked me because we just are NOT mean to animals. It was deserved and I DID know better. I didn't do it again. I knwo there were more, but those were ones I remembered because they TAUGHT ME something important. Just as they were designed to do.</p><p></p><p>Spanking is an easy scapegoat solution for a problem so complex we can't really even study it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 518277, member: 1233"] DDD, I think you are very right. First, most parents spank because they are trying to help the child, NOT to beat the child. No evil intent at all. Second, my dad is clearly an aspie. When we went through the list of traits in a book for teachers, he had all but 2 out of a 2 page list. wiz had less than half that many. My dad grew up in a house with 2 parents, with relatives next door and in 3 houses across the street and with over 50 relatives of all ages in less than 2 blocks. He had ALL those people involved in his life, and a ton of cousins to play with, and almost no scheduled activities or parental supervision but a TON of adults watching out for him in the community. In the summer he spent all day at the pool while his mom was at home and he was NEVER unsupervised and not in much trouble. He NEVER required Special Education or even a diagnosis because the family managed to help him with everything and didn't realize it was a problem. He was just quirky. I grew up with little contact with these people but still wtih a street full of neighbors who would keep an eye I think it does contribute at least as much to the changes we see as spanking does. We sepnd so much time making sure our kids have this and that activity and class that we forget that they also need to be kids. I always thought it was so sad that few of my kids' friends had more than 1 evening a week with-o a class or practice or activity, or a weekend day free to figure out what to do. I was the "wierdo" who neglected my kids by not putting them in everything and not entertaining them when they were home. The parents ALL want their kids to be like Jess and thank you, we hear it constantly, but they don't want to unschedule their kids because they "must" have language lessons by age 9 and music by age 6 or 7 and since school doesn't offer them until grade 6, well, they won't EVER make it into college with-o those things so they MUST have those things every week. And they have kids with little ability to amuse themselves and very regimented ideas about creativity and what is/isn't creative. I blew the minds of the kids AND PARENTS and teachers of J's classmates wehn I did art projects. how? I told them that there are NO mistakes. You don't make mistakes, you PERSONALIZE. You don't mess up, you customize, you individualize. Those "mistakes" can trigger ideas and take you in whole new directions to create something you would NeVER have thought of otherwise. Like chocolate chip cookies. I had to explain how choc chip cookies were created, and usually I had some for the first few lessons to drive my point home. But i had SOOOO many kids and parents stop me and they were gobsmacked that in an art project there wasn't a right or wrong way, just their way. It saddened me, because these are amazing, cool, fun, often very gifted kids. And this is part of the complexity of the problem that the scientists are telling us is caused by spanking and supposedly fixed by not spanking. I remember 3 spankings when I was a kid. One for reaching to get a pencil that was on the same table as my dad's gun. he set me up, totally planned it. he wanted me to REMEMBER ALWAYS to not EVER reach for or near a gun. It was NOT hard or vicious, it was a normal spanking, 2 swats on my tushie. It also was an important safety lesson. He was a security guard and that gun was part of his job. It came home and got locked up, but things can happen and he wanted me to be safe for always. Later I got gun safety, but I was 4 and that was what I needed to know. The other time was for teasing the dog. My mom spanked me because we just are NOT mean to animals. It was deserved and I DID know better. I didn't do it again. I knwo there were more, but those were ones I remembered because they TAUGHT ME something important. Just as they were designed to do. Spanking is an easy scapegoat solution for a problem so complex we can't really even study it. [/QUOTE]
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