As my children get older...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, May 31, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    there are higher expectations; more age appropriate demands made by school, peers, day treatment, tdocs, etc.

    As I watch my almost 13 y/o twins attempt to maneuver their way through this maze of expectations, I'm struck by how much effort & thinking it takes for them to complete the simplest request; to maintain in unknown territory. Their very inability to ask for help or live in a peaceful environment is unbelievable.

    kt has been "assigned" for lack of a better word, daily chores as is expected of a member of the family. I watch her each day struggle to comply. I watch anxiety rise when we are having a quiet day - she creates chaos where there is none.

    wm does the same in group home.

    husband & I are continuing to push for a higher level of expectations. It's time to move forward. We no longer accept the poor little orphan excuses.

    In the meantime, I am protecting my heart from verbal & emotional abuse that is spewed my way on a regular basis. Again, it's time to move forward.

    I no longer have the "fight" left in me to take on all this stuff. I can't rescue; I can only redirect & guide the tweedles. It's their choice to accept the help & start believing they have a better life.

    I guess I'm a bit reflective tonight. Forgive my wandering thoughts. Thanks for listening.
     
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I hear you. I'm in the same boat as far as self-preservation and moving forward.

    I told difficult child tonight that I can only provide her the resources; she has to want to feel better and she has to do the work. I told her that I love her and I want her to feel better, but if she wants to continue to feel miserable, then it was on her; not me. I told her that I was not going to continue to be beat up because she chooses to be miserable. She has to take some responsibility for herself.
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda,
    I totally relate to the protecting the heart. As we increase expectations the verbal abuse being spewed does increase. About two months ago we started assigning difficult child some daily chores. He does o.k with the ones that involve minimal effort like taking in the mail, others not so well.

    I worry when I think of him going to middle school in another year. I'm glad he has another year of elementary to hopefuly mature a bit more. I am not overly optimistic that will happen. I do know when he hits middle school the expectations are going to rise-I wonder how he will cope.
     
  4. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    My difficult child is in this boat, too. He'll start middle school this fall and I worry. He takes on no responsibility in the home, either. I use it to "pick my battles" and aside from cleaning his body, I kinda let the rest go. I'm a clean freak, but trying to clean up behind him all day is never-ending. He'll mow the grass when we insist (we have a very small yard), but he does it half-a**ed. He has no pride in a job well done....should he even get close to it being well done. It exhausts me. He can't or won't even set the table properly, so why get myself all stirred up. I'm tired of being a nag and a witch......(boy, I cleaned that up!) He may get a rude awakening in middle school, but I refuse to let it guide our every day.
     
  5. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Linda,

    As I always say, you're so wise!!! You have such a great way of looking at things, accepting what you can't change, and parenting your difficult children. Your posts always make me think... WFEN
     
  6. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    My difficult child is hot and cold on chores, sometimes he is a responsible joy and other times he will hissy over a small job longer then the job would take to do.
    When it comes time to homeschool is when he drives me over the edge, as you said with KT, he doesn't ask for help when something frustrates him...he just shuts down or rages. What is sooo hard about saying "I don't get it?"
     
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