Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Asperger test results
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 214003" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>This doctor sounds like a gem.</p><p></p><p>As for worrying about difficult child using Asperger's as an excuse - yes, you WILL find this to begin with but he's not doing it primarily to manipulate (even if it seems like it). He is rather, trying to work out in his own mind where it begins and ends. But he won't be able to - because the answer is, he is ALL Aspie, even if only mildly. </p><p></p><p>What has worked for us - Asperger's/autism means your brain works a different way and you learn a different way, but there's no question of 'better' or 'worse'. Not overall. Maybe in some sub-areas, however. But overall, it balances out.</p><p></p><p>Yes, it does explain why things like homework are so difficult. Frankly, especially when medications have worn off at the end of the day, homework after that point is more likely to be a futile, frustrating exercise for all concerned. His IEP should be modified to either avoid homework, or allow it to be done on (medicated daytime) weekends.</p><p></p><p>However, our analogy for difficult children in our household has made it easier for them to understand themselves and avoid the "poor disabled me" attitude.</p><p>The analogy - your personal academic output is like a text file coming off the printer. When you look at the piece of writing, there is no way to really know whether it was drafted on a Mac or a easy child. They can look identical and be equally valid for turning in as a compete assignment (or posting to grandma as a letter). But the necessary instructions to either a easy child or a Mac in order to be able to get the document from the thoughts in your head to the look of the words on the page - very different indeed. The software package to tell the Mac what to do is very different to the programming needed to tell the easy child how to do it.</p><p>Some people have Mac brains and some people have easy child brains. And to take this analogy further, some parents and doctors learn a great deal about autism/Asperger's and become at least partly dual-platform.</p><p></p><p>Asperger's is allowed to be an explanation, but never a barrier. At worst it is a short-term problem which needs to be considered in attempts to find an alternative solution.</p><p></p><p>An apparent digression - I just got a phone call from difficult child 3's electronics teacher, returning difficult child 3's query on why some diodes fail when put in the circuit the wrong way around. And the answer is, if you try to force electrons to go the wrong direction, you have to use a high potential difference (ie a lot more electrons trying to force their way in, like a reluctant soccer crowd being diverted to a tiny exit when all they want to do is stay in the field to watch the teams play - they will probably prefer to riot rather than go through the exit; even if they were cooperative, there would be strife, injuries due to the crush and so on). This causes friction which causes heat, which causes chemical and then physical breakdown.</p><p></p><p>And the mind of an Aspie is similar to these diodes - if you try to force 'current' to flow (or force your own preferred behavioural/learning methods) in a direction that that brain cannot do readily, you risk not only failing to achieve your objective but you risk doing damage and aggravating behavioural problems - meltdown.</p><p></p><p>So you do to a certain extent need to let them find their own level when it comes to how they learn best. Helping them find their own way is the best long-term option and because of their intense programming towards rule-following (although they are generally their own rules, not necessarily yours) then you can set them up for good long-term independent functioning.</p><p></p><p>I found "Explosive Child" methods worked well here, adapting them to learning methods and helping him learn how to learn, rather than me sitting beside him and saying, "you must do things this way."</p><p></p><p>I do know that mainstream was making things much worse for difficult child 3. Maybe an Aspie-lite can cope better in mainstream than difficult child 3 (almost certainly!) but adaptation and understanding will still be necessary. He needs to learn to actively dig in and work on his most challenging areas, and for this he needs to feel safe when he does so - no teacher should belittle him or publicly humiliate him for failing to 'get' the work that other students understood years ago. Computer-assisted learning can help here because computers are non-judgemental and don't involve other people saying to him, "You're only up to THIS level? Wow, are you dumb!"</p><p></p><p>We've found positive motivation (aka incentives, or bribes) have worked well for us - we use a point system for work achieved. Double points for difficult or challenging work, double points again for work done outside school hours.</p><p></p><p>Another trick we've done - when doing work outside school hours, we let him try to find his own motivating tricks. "I will do one full set of maths problems, but then I will play one round of computer golf. Then I will do the next full set of maths problems, and then another round of computer golf."</p><p>Other tricks - "I will watch my favourite TV show, but do my work during the ad breaks." or "I will watch my favourite TV show but it doesn't start for another half hour. I will work hard until then, then I will work hard again after it is finished."</p><p></p><p>Let him take control where it is no skin off your nose to do so. Then after the work session, ask him to evaluate how well he think he worked using that method. Was there anything he felt he could do to manage better? Maybe try something else different next time. But always let him take control. By talking it through you're being an independent moderator, nothing more. In life he will have to be able to impartially evaluate his own progress. </p><p></p><p>If difficult child sees you and him as equal - that is not uncommon in Asperger's. They do not understand social strata or heirarchies. It also is added reason to not engage in control struggles. Always let him feel he is in control, even if you're subtly steering. he has to learn to steer himself.</p><p></p><p>This works, especially for Aspies. Frankly, I've come from a position of once believing that autism would be the worst possible diagnosis I could ever have for a child of mine, to being grateful that my kids are on the spectrum. There are so many worse problems we could have had, including typical teen stuff from PCs.</p><p></p><p>I hope things continue to do well.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 214003, member: 1991"] This doctor sounds like a gem. As for worrying about difficult child using Asperger's as an excuse - yes, you WILL find this to begin with but he's not doing it primarily to manipulate (even if it seems like it). He is rather, trying to work out in his own mind where it begins and ends. But he won't be able to - because the answer is, he is ALL Aspie, even if only mildly. What has worked for us - Asperger's/autism means your brain works a different way and you learn a different way, but there's no question of 'better' or 'worse'. Not overall. Maybe in some sub-areas, however. But overall, it balances out. Yes, it does explain why things like homework are so difficult. Frankly, especially when medications have worn off at the end of the day, homework after that point is more likely to be a futile, frustrating exercise for all concerned. His IEP should be modified to either avoid homework, or allow it to be done on (medicated daytime) weekends. However, our analogy for difficult children in our household has made it easier for them to understand themselves and avoid the "poor disabled me" attitude. The analogy - your personal academic output is like a text file coming off the printer. When you look at the piece of writing, there is no way to really know whether it was drafted on a Mac or a easy child. They can look identical and be equally valid for turning in as a compete assignment (or posting to grandma as a letter). But the necessary instructions to either a easy child or a Mac in order to be able to get the document from the thoughts in your head to the look of the words on the page - very different indeed. The software package to tell the Mac what to do is very different to the programming needed to tell the easy child how to do it. Some people have Mac brains and some people have easy child brains. And to take this analogy further, some parents and doctors learn a great deal about autism/Asperger's and become at least partly dual-platform. Asperger's is allowed to be an explanation, but never a barrier. At worst it is a short-term problem which needs to be considered in attempts to find an alternative solution. An apparent digression - I just got a phone call from difficult child 3's electronics teacher, returning difficult child 3's query on why some diodes fail when put in the circuit the wrong way around. And the answer is, if you try to force electrons to go the wrong direction, you have to use a high potential difference (ie a lot more electrons trying to force their way in, like a reluctant soccer crowd being diverted to a tiny exit when all they want to do is stay in the field to watch the teams play - they will probably prefer to riot rather than go through the exit; even if they were cooperative, there would be strife, injuries due to the crush and so on). This causes friction which causes heat, which causes chemical and then physical breakdown. And the mind of an Aspie is similar to these diodes - if you try to force 'current' to flow (or force your own preferred behavioural/learning methods) in a direction that that brain cannot do readily, you risk not only failing to achieve your objective but you risk doing damage and aggravating behavioural problems - meltdown. So you do to a certain extent need to let them find their own level when it comes to how they learn best. Helping them find their own way is the best long-term option and because of their intense programming towards rule-following (although they are generally their own rules, not necessarily yours) then you can set them up for good long-term independent functioning. I found "Explosive Child" methods worked well here, adapting them to learning methods and helping him learn how to learn, rather than me sitting beside him and saying, "you must do things this way." I do know that mainstream was making things much worse for difficult child 3. Maybe an Aspie-lite can cope better in mainstream than difficult child 3 (almost certainly!) but adaptation and understanding will still be necessary. He needs to learn to actively dig in and work on his most challenging areas, and for this he needs to feel safe when he does so - no teacher should belittle him or publicly humiliate him for failing to 'get' the work that other students understood years ago. Computer-assisted learning can help here because computers are non-judgemental and don't involve other people saying to him, "You're only up to THIS level? Wow, are you dumb!" We've found positive motivation (aka incentives, or bribes) have worked well for us - we use a point system for work achieved. Double points for difficult or challenging work, double points again for work done outside school hours. Another trick we've done - when doing work outside school hours, we let him try to find his own motivating tricks. "I will do one full set of maths problems, but then I will play one round of computer golf. Then I will do the next full set of maths problems, and then another round of computer golf." Other tricks - "I will watch my favourite TV show, but do my work during the ad breaks." or "I will watch my favourite TV show but it doesn't start for another half hour. I will work hard until then, then I will work hard again after it is finished." Let him take control where it is no skin off your nose to do so. Then after the work session, ask him to evaluate how well he think he worked using that method. Was there anything he felt he could do to manage better? Maybe try something else different next time. But always let him take control. By talking it through you're being an independent moderator, nothing more. In life he will have to be able to impartially evaluate his own progress. If difficult child sees you and him as equal - that is not uncommon in Asperger's. They do not understand social strata or heirarchies. It also is added reason to not engage in control struggles. Always let him feel he is in control, even if you're subtly steering. he has to learn to steer himself. This works, especially for Aspies. Frankly, I've come from a position of once believing that autism would be the worst possible diagnosis I could ever have for a child of mine, to being grateful that my kids are on the spectrum. There are so many worse problems we could have had, including typical teen stuff from PCs. I hope things continue to do well. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Asperger test results
Top