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Asperger's and lying
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<blockquote data-quote="barneysmom" data-source="post: 400021" data-attributes="member: 1872"><p>Terry, interesting thread (sorry you have to live it -- you're not alone though). Lots of information here for me to ponder.</p><p></p><p>Our gfg13 is a master liar. He's been lying for about a year now. It got so exhausting because I couldn't tell if he was lying or not, and I'm a pretty good detective. He would lie to his teachers and to us. Things got extremely confusing and stressful. It was, and still is sometimes, like living in bizarro-world where reality is never reliable. It's completely demoralizing and mind-boggling.</p><p></p><p>Why was he doing this? I think when he started to lie, he was completely overwhelmed. He was just starting middle school where both the social and academic issues were completely beyond him, he had the encopresis problem, gfg17 was really sick -- I think he started to lie (mostly about homework and school issues) to protect himself. Soon the lying infiltrated every aspect of his life. Then I think he just got in the habit. What we did -- we just stopped believing everything he said. When the lie was blatant, we pointed it out to him. Otherwise we just said, "We don't believe you and have no way of knowing if you are being truthful." He was a master talker -- we call him Slick Willie -- he would talk and talk (weaseling) until we were unsure if he was lying or not. So we simply quit listening. He got tired of that -- took a while though. But it was easier than fighting our way through bizarro-world.</p><p></p><p>His social skills aren't the greatest and he has some delays. I was just paging through Ross Greene's book "Lost at School" and his theory is that "unsolved problems and lagging skills" underlie challenging behavior. He mentioned lying only once. Like, how does lying serve our kids? That's what our home-based therapist always asks -- how does it serve him, what is he looking for.</p><p></p><p>I'll probably get around to figuring that out someday with 13 -- I have a few ideas -- but mostly we ignore everything he says and he is getting tired of it. Also he sometimes responds well to my asking him in a matter-of-fact tone, "Just tell me the truth. I'm not angry. I would just like to know the truth so that I can make sense of it." </p><p></p><p>Good luck. </p><p></p><p>Jo</p><p></p><p>Regarding the Aspie part, your difficult child may get in a <u>pattern</u> of lying, a routine, and that will be hard for him to break. Also, he may not understand the impact that lying has upon others.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="barneysmom, post: 400021, member: 1872"] Terry, interesting thread (sorry you have to live it -- you're not alone though). Lots of information here for me to ponder. Our gfg13 is a master liar. He's been lying for about a year now. It got so exhausting because I couldn't tell if he was lying or not, and I'm a pretty good detective. He would lie to his teachers and to us. Things got extremely confusing and stressful. It was, and still is sometimes, like living in bizarro-world where reality is never reliable. It's completely demoralizing and mind-boggling. Why was he doing this? I think when he started to lie, he was completely overwhelmed. He was just starting middle school where both the social and academic issues were completely beyond him, he had the encopresis problem, gfg17 was really sick -- I think he started to lie (mostly about homework and school issues) to protect himself. Soon the lying infiltrated every aspect of his life. Then I think he just got in the habit. What we did -- we just stopped believing everything he said. When the lie was blatant, we pointed it out to him. Otherwise we just said, "We don't believe you and have no way of knowing if you are being truthful." He was a master talker -- we call him Slick Willie -- he would talk and talk (weaseling) until we were unsure if he was lying or not. So we simply quit listening. He got tired of that -- took a while though. But it was easier than fighting our way through bizarro-world. His social skills aren't the greatest and he has some delays. I was just paging through Ross Greene's book "Lost at School" and his theory is that "unsolved problems and lagging skills" underlie challenging behavior. He mentioned lying only once. Like, how does lying serve our kids? That's what our home-based therapist always asks -- how does it serve him, what is he looking for. I'll probably get around to figuring that out someday with 13 -- I have a few ideas -- but mostly we ignore everything he says and he is getting tired of it. Also he sometimes responds well to my asking him in a matter-of-fact tone, "Just tell me the truth. I'm not angry. I would just like to know the truth so that I can make sense of it." Good luck. Jo Regarding the Aspie part, your difficult child may get in a [U]pattern[/U] of lying, a routine, and that will be hard for him to break. Also, he may not understand the impact that lying has upon others. [/QUOTE]
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