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Aspergers young adult disrespectful to parent
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<blockquote data-quote="gardengirl1958" data-source="post: 676286" data-attributes="member: 19929"><p>Thank you for your response! Yes, I have thought of those things and entertained them even tried to get him in motion to make it happen. But, oh I wish I could describe it better... He is so incapable developmentally on his own. He doesn't want to live with anyone else, so my husband and I have entertained the idea of (which we intended to do anyway) build a separate small building for our family business and put a small apartment in it where he could live to start learning how to take care of himself. He would be the distance of a next door neighbor. He would even have his own address, mailbox, electricity, water, etc. We thought of working an arrangement like this where he could have a friend move in with him and share expenses - probably another young adult with Aspergers like himself. He has a couple of single guy friends in a similar state to his (still living with parents). We thought maybe this would help him to appreciate his relationships with my husband and me having his own space and eventually building his skills and confidence to move out on his own. His goal is to try to gain the freedom and skills to have his own family one day. (This has become our goal to help him gain it.) </p><p></p><p>Tonight, we had a talk after dinner as a family, and he articulated fear to us actually claiming it for himself and I was floored because I've never heard him identify much less claim his own feelings. This was huge! Because he loves to write, we've given him an assignment to write out his fear and how he can name it to keep from it being projected as abuse toward others. We know it's only a start, but this was the very first time I've ever known him to verbalize and take ownership of his own root cause for anger. Breakthrough? I don't know.</p><p></p><p>Gosh! I can't begin to explain how much work this has taken just to help him get this kind of life he has now. (Any kind of independence.) But I guess you already know this. He had his couple of biddies like him that are still living at home not managing well at 31 and 35 years old. It scares me sometimes and I just don't understand how much push to give and when to back off. The psychologist told us after she had tested him to be prepared for him to live with us the rest of our lives and never get married, but if I would have accepted other statements like this from professionals, he would never drive and be in vocational school. There is nothing wrong with that either, and I would have accepted all of it, it's just that he was desiring something different for himself and wanted the independence, so we wanted to help him get it. </p><p></p><p>My son has ADHD and all through his education, having too many things to focus on at once has caused him to become very ill from stress. He was working part-time for us and going full time to college. We also had other family activities like Boy Scouts, etc. Last spring, we had our job loss, and a mild infestation in our home. With all the added distraction, the stress built up in him so badly that he passed out in church and it was so dramatic they called an ambulance. It really scared me. We had to take several measures to help him get a regime that would help him get better balance as a student. He has slowly been recovering but we've had to watch out for him because he obsesses over college and doesn't take care of his health. </p><p></p><p>I tell you, it's just so weird to see this young man looking back at me but his emotional and some of his developmental behavior feels like he's 13. </p><p>Thank you for your response! I have been really scared to post because I've had so much against us over the years, that was fearful of criticism. You know?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gardengirl1958, post: 676286, member: 19929"] Thank you for your response! Yes, I have thought of those things and entertained them even tried to get him in motion to make it happen. But, oh I wish I could describe it better... He is so incapable developmentally on his own. He doesn't want to live with anyone else, so my husband and I have entertained the idea of (which we intended to do anyway) build a separate small building for our family business and put a small apartment in it where he could live to start learning how to take care of himself. He would be the distance of a next door neighbor. He would even have his own address, mailbox, electricity, water, etc. We thought of working an arrangement like this where he could have a friend move in with him and share expenses - probably another young adult with Aspergers like himself. He has a couple of single guy friends in a similar state to his (still living with parents). We thought maybe this would help him to appreciate his relationships with my husband and me having his own space and eventually building his skills and confidence to move out on his own. His goal is to try to gain the freedom and skills to have his own family one day. (This has become our goal to help him gain it.) Tonight, we had a talk after dinner as a family, and he articulated fear to us actually claiming it for himself and I was floored because I've never heard him identify much less claim his own feelings. This was huge! Because he loves to write, we've given him an assignment to write out his fear and how he can name it to keep from it being projected as abuse toward others. We know it's only a start, but this was the very first time I've ever known him to verbalize and take ownership of his own root cause for anger. Breakthrough? I don't know. Gosh! I can't begin to explain how much work this has taken just to help him get this kind of life he has now. (Any kind of independence.) But I guess you already know this. He had his couple of biddies like him that are still living at home not managing well at 31 and 35 years old. It scares me sometimes and I just don't understand how much push to give and when to back off. The psychologist told us after she had tested him to be prepared for him to live with us the rest of our lives and never get married, but if I would have accepted other statements like this from professionals, he would never drive and be in vocational school. There is nothing wrong with that either, and I would have accepted all of it, it's just that he was desiring something different for himself and wanted the independence, so we wanted to help him get it. My son has ADHD and all through his education, having too many things to focus on at once has caused him to become very ill from stress. He was working part-time for us and going full time to college. We also had other family activities like Boy Scouts, etc. Last spring, we had our job loss, and a mild infestation in our home. With all the added distraction, the stress built up in him so badly that he passed out in church and it was so dramatic they called an ambulance. It really scared me. We had to take several measures to help him get a regime that would help him get better balance as a student. He has slowly been recovering but we've had to watch out for him because he obsesses over college and doesn't take care of his health. I tell you, it's just so weird to see this young man looking back at me but his emotional and some of his developmental behavior feels like he's 13. Thank you for your response! I have been really scared to post because I've had so much against us over the years, that was fearful of criticism. You know? [/QUOTE]
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