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Aspergers young adult disrespectful to parent
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<blockquote data-quote="gardengirl1958" data-source="post: 676304" data-attributes="member: 19929"><p>First, I want to say, thank you, thank you, thank you to each of you who have responded! Your comments are more helpful than I can say. Each of you has valid perspectives and lend to my understanding. I'm going to answer individually, but just wanted to make these comments. My mother was my advocate. I was a mess as a child and youth. Major issues with autism but we had no name for it. I was high functioning but had major issues with sensitivity disorder. School was a nightmare. My dad was my abuser (he was a psychologist) and taught my siblings to abuse me. They still try from a distance. If my mom had known this was Aspergers, oh how better life would have been. My husband stayed withdrawn all his childhood and young adult time. His mom was cold and his dad uninvolved that he left home at 19 and turned to drugs, alcohol, and porn to"feel" anything. He stayed out on his own and made a mess of his life. We grew up across the street from each other. I am 1 1/2 years older than him. He came from a well off family that had the money and resources to help him. Instead, they shunned him never to help him again. His mother blamed him all his life for not living up to her standards. She is still alive and has nothing to do with us - neither do his siblings, who also took up the cause. My husband often says he should have remained at home instead of turning to the streets. The whole thing just seems like a sad waste to me. He is a good man. He was just lost not knowing he had Aspergers. I was lost too. Together we tried to piece life together and ended up in counseling many times because of his coldness and inability to provide for us. I have had to be the primary provider and this has caused a great deal of problems because the stress of all the years coping with all this - carrying it all caused me to have a break down four years ago and then my body shut down. I was course to death. I have been in recovery since and believe it will be this way for the rest of my life. Fear seems to rule in all 3 of us because we have tried so hard to help others out of compassion and been squashed badly as a family on way too many occasions. My parents are deceased. Neither my siblings nor my husband's want us around. We have been told that we are the fodder of the family gatherings with my siblings. They get drunk and make fun of me and my family at family gatherings. My husband's siblings have told him unless he conforms to what they expect of him, they will continue to harass him and not allow him to be a normal part of the family. We turned to God and He became our dad and family. We have financial challenges with all that's happened. We have served God with Boy Scouts, music ministry, and our family business. We try and try and try to do what's right. My husband, decades ago, left all the drugs, alcohol, and porn behind and took God as his companion. Our son is afraid because of what he's seen happen to us with our families and with people who don't or won't understand us on the spectrum. We are sincere people and can't read intent in others and we show compassion when we should show caution. But in the past 2 years, my son and I have reclused. We have spent our time working on his schooling, our homestead, and learning how to live frugally with the income we have. My husband, son, and I have been building a media network to help others learn what we have learned. Often people are amazed at what we have accomplished. I am a published children's author and we are known in our state for using multi-media to create and perform educational performances and products that are used state wide. But no - no major income yet. So we're building this media network to help others and in doing so, it's made us feel better about ourselves. My husband and I have experienced taking the going it on our own path and all along the way wished we had support. As people with Aspergers, we have found that it's not successful going it alone without the kind of help that coaches you, trains you. I can't tell you how badly we yearn for a dad or mom figure to love us and come along side us to help and love us unconditionally. When we have a crisis, we are on our own and we make many mistakes not understanding things as best as we should. And the fear is crippling - badly. This is partly why I am reaching out to you. I want to succeed as an Aspie and I want to help others like my son. I am starting a support group in 2 weeks at our church for young adults with Aspergers at the request of my deacon. I'm scared, very scared. I'm also excited but very scared. I know I can help because we are farther along then some of them, but I don't have all the answers this is why I turned to you. I need help for my own issues (like my son). I don't think I'll ever stop looking for answers and trying to understand all of this. These young guys here are lost. My son is the youngest. They go up to age 35 and they are all at different stages of being on the street, not being able to make and keep friends, jobs, intimate relationships or live on their own successfully. They have suicidal thoughts and terrible fears. Some have family support and some don't. Most parents don't understand them, but because we have Aspergers we do to different points. I have searched for help for all these years and I've only found it on the internet so far - articles and videos. We found a support group, but it folded 3 months in. This would really be a first to have a community online that could help me understand and help me to make better choices. I'm so afraid to get squashed again. That's why I was hesitant to write. I sent a private message to one of the administrators of this site and she recommended I start a thread. Thank you for reading and caring to answer. </p><p> I can't possibly tell you what it means to have people that understand and talk my language. I respect each of your journeys and appreciate your input.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gardengirl1958, post: 676304, member: 19929"] First, I want to say, thank you, thank you, thank you to each of you who have responded! Your comments are more helpful than I can say. Each of you has valid perspectives and lend to my understanding. I'm going to answer individually, but just wanted to make these comments. My mother was my advocate. I was a mess as a child and youth. Major issues with autism but we had no name for it. I was high functioning but had major issues with sensitivity disorder. School was a nightmare. My dad was my abuser (he was a psychologist) and taught my siblings to abuse me. They still try from a distance. If my mom had known this was Aspergers, oh how better life would have been. My husband stayed withdrawn all his childhood and young adult time. His mom was cold and his dad uninvolved that he left home at 19 and turned to drugs, alcohol, and porn to"feel" anything. He stayed out on his own and made a mess of his life. We grew up across the street from each other. I am 1 1/2 years older than him. He came from a well off family that had the money and resources to help him. Instead, they shunned him never to help him again. His mother blamed him all his life for not living up to her standards. She is still alive and has nothing to do with us - neither do his siblings, who also took up the cause. My husband often says he should have remained at home instead of turning to the streets. The whole thing just seems like a sad waste to me. He is a good man. He was just lost not knowing he had Aspergers. I was lost too. Together we tried to piece life together and ended up in counseling many times because of his coldness and inability to provide for us. I have had to be the primary provider and this has caused a great deal of problems because the stress of all the years coping with all this - carrying it all caused me to have a break down four years ago and then my body shut down. I was course to death. I have been in recovery since and believe it will be this way for the rest of my life. Fear seems to rule in all 3 of us because we have tried so hard to help others out of compassion and been squashed badly as a family on way too many occasions. My parents are deceased. Neither my siblings nor my husband's want us around. We have been told that we are the fodder of the family gatherings with my siblings. They get drunk and make fun of me and my family at family gatherings. My husband's siblings have told him unless he conforms to what they expect of him, they will continue to harass him and not allow him to be a normal part of the family. We turned to God and He became our dad and family. We have financial challenges with all that's happened. We have served God with Boy Scouts, music ministry, and our family business. We try and try and try to do what's right. My husband, decades ago, left all the drugs, alcohol, and porn behind and took God as his companion. Our son is afraid because of what he's seen happen to us with our families and with people who don't or won't understand us on the spectrum. We are sincere people and can't read intent in others and we show compassion when we should show caution. But in the past 2 years, my son and I have reclused. We have spent our time working on his schooling, our homestead, and learning how to live frugally with the income we have. My husband, son, and I have been building a media network to help others learn what we have learned. Often people are amazed at what we have accomplished. I am a published children's author and we are known in our state for using multi-media to create and perform educational performances and products that are used state wide. But no - no major income yet. So we're building this media network to help others and in doing so, it's made us feel better about ourselves. My husband and I have experienced taking the going it on our own path and all along the way wished we had support. As people with Aspergers, we have found that it's not successful going it alone without the kind of help that coaches you, trains you. I can't tell you how badly we yearn for a dad or mom figure to love us and come along side us to help and love us unconditionally. When we have a crisis, we are on our own and we make many mistakes not understanding things as best as we should. And the fear is crippling - badly. This is partly why I am reaching out to you. I want to succeed as an Aspie and I want to help others like my son. I am starting a support group in 2 weeks at our church for young adults with Aspergers at the request of my deacon. I'm scared, very scared. I'm also excited but very scared. I know I can help because we are farther along then some of them, but I don't have all the answers this is why I turned to you. I need help for my own issues (like my son). I don't think I'll ever stop looking for answers and trying to understand all of this. These young guys here are lost. My son is the youngest. They go up to age 35 and they are all at different stages of being on the street, not being able to make and keep friends, jobs, intimate relationships or live on their own successfully. They have suicidal thoughts and terrible fears. Some have family support and some don't. Most parents don't understand them, but because we have Aspergers we do to different points. I have searched for help for all these years and I've only found it on the internet so far - articles and videos. We found a support group, but it folded 3 months in. This would really be a first to have a community online that could help me understand and help me to make better choices. I'm so afraid to get squashed again. That's why I was hesitant to write. I sent a private message to one of the administrators of this site and she recommended I start a thread. Thank you for reading and caring to answer. I can't possibly tell you what it means to have people that understand and talk my language. I respect each of your journeys and appreciate your input. [/QUOTE]
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