Hi Everyone, This is my first post. I've been on here a few weeks just reading and trying to make sense of everything. I am at such a loss that I don't even know where to start. My son just turned 21 about 2 weeks ago. Last night everything escalated and my husband kicked him out of the house. He picked up his stuff, left and I've been completely heartbroken. I have continually been asking myself where I went wrong. He has told me that it's my fault that he has turned out this way. Told me the other day that he has been smoking pot since 9 th grade. A little bit of history: At the age of 3, his dad left us. I raised him by myself for almost 10 years. His dad was on and off. I home schooled him until 2nd grade. He was a social butterfly and loved by everyone for his personality. He is ADHD, but I chose to keep him off of medication ( which I am very sad about as I think this would have helped him and deterred him from where he is now). When I put him in school for third grade, he tested at a high middle school level, almost high school level. He went to a private school from 4th grade to 10th grade, when I had to transfer him to a public school for 11th and 12th ( this is where I saw the huge change). Throughout his private school years, he was involved in choir, drama, tried swimming and wrestling but didn't work out ( he's not very athletic) was loved by his classmates, teachers etc. I was never called to the office. He struggled with school work only because he would procrastinate getting it done, and I tried to stay on top of it as much as possible. I know I bailed him out a lot, which was not good. I was pretty involved with school,being the home room mom several years. When he was 12, I remarried to a man who had an older son. He immediately got very attached to both of them as he has an addictive personality. Unfortunately, things didn't work out and just two years later we separated and eventually divorced ( this was during my sons 9th grade...and he was devastated. Was this when it all started?) Throughout my sons life, he has always seemed to be very dramatic. I always tried to gauge how much was real and how much was drama when something happened. We started a new life, just the two of us again and in 11th grade he started to attend a new public school. This is where everything started to go downhill. His grades started to fall and eventually almost failed to the point of nearly missing graduating, which he pulled off miraculously. He started a community college eve though he has a four year university plan paid for. He lost all the credits because he failed the classes by not doing the work, not showing up or not dropping them on time. He has no concept the cost of these and simply just doesn't care. My son has thoughts of grandeur. He has all these fantastic, great ideas and believes that one of those will make him a millionaire one day. However, he starts to work on each idea and somehow never finishes anything. He has been smoking pot now for over 5 years he says. We just realized what was going on about 2 years ago. The Dr says he is self medicating as he suffers from depression and anxiety... The dr even mentioned he could be bipolar. My son says he is happy where he is right now as there was a point a few years back where he was doing other drugs and he removed himself from them because he didn't like the effects. He said I should be glad all he is doing is pot as he could be in a really bad situation or dead. He does not want any help or rehab. The concept of not caring, I described above, seems to be a predominant one. He has simply stopped caring about his looks, his hygiene, his surroundings.... By this I mean that he can wear the same pair of pants and or shirt for days on end... He doesn't comb his hair. He bathes (at least) but puts on the same dirty clothes. He has tons of clean clothes but chooses not to use them. He doesn't wear deodorant so he stinks a lot of the time. He used to be so well kept! He does have a job with our company where he works as a supervisor from 5 am to 1 pm on Mon thru Thursday. He has been very consistent with this, although sometimes he takes his position for granted and takes longer breaks than he should or just plain liberties that he shouldn't. He also doesn't follow our instructions on how we would like things done. Although he makes good money ( and doesn't have living expenses) he always seems to be broke. He has acquired some debt, which he says he's paying off and always is asking for money. I married in November to a man (widower) that I have been with for the last 4 years. We have been living In His home for the last two, along with his 21 year old daughter ( who moved out about 1 yr ago but is coming back) and with his now 14 year old son. He has been very good to and lenient with my son, who takes advantage and does not appreciate anything he has. I don't know where the son I "knew" is... I had a compassionate, loving child. One that would do anything for anyone in need. He's turned in to a nasty, back talking, insubordinate person. He mainly keeps to himself and his select group of friend ( who are all into smoking) ( I forgot to mention that in the process he lost his best friend since his was 3)they all just hang out and watch movies or play video games. Just recently he told me that I had been the cause of him turning out this way . Talk about a guilt trip... I take that to heart! Anyway, last night everything fell apart. He started to curse and yell at me and my husband told him to stop. He started to mouth back to my husband and they got into a physical fight. Some friends of his were here and we seep rated them... At which time my husband kicked,him out! ( I don't blame him) when my husband left, my son came and got right in my face ( he tends to do that, maybe it's intimidation?) said that he couldn't believe I had not taken his side and called me a b--ch! , in my face at which time I slapped him. I left and went to my room. While he was picking up his stuff, he tore a drawer from the dresser and threw it up against a wall making a hole in the wall. He has opened several holes in our walls throughout the years, usually with his fists. He has a terrible temper, short fuse, problem. I haven't heard from him since I am completely debased, scared, worried, hurt, dissilussioned, disappointed but mostly, heartbroken. Where did my wonderful boy go? The one that used to kiss me and snuggle with me and pick up all the wild flowers and thought that I was the best mommy in the world? As I have been reading here, he seems to fall under so many other labels...NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD), defiant disorder, bipolar...etc ... I am just at a loss...I am so scared for him, for his future, what does it hold? How can it get better? I thought perhaps as he grows out of it and gets a family... But I'm scared to think that that could happen he still be in the same state of mind... That would be terrible. I feel like he took a large part of me with him. I love him so much and I feel helpless,and useless to help him. Sorry about the long post but just didn't know how to do it any shorter.