At A Loss Some Days

[Bunny]

difficult child started a summer bowling league a few weeks ago. We signed both of the kids up for this summer program through the AMF lanes where they can bowl two free games a day. easy child isn't a good bowler and he gets frustrated, so he doesn't go very often. This afternoon I took difficult child bowling. easy child didn't want to go, so he stayed home, which I thought would be good for difficult child/mom time.

We bowled three games. The first two difficult child beat me, but that's not surprising because I'm a very weak and inconsistent bowler. As we played I was very encouraging and supportive of difficult child, praising him when he did really well and tried to be encouraging when he struggled. The third game he did terrible. I think that he was getting tired, but he wanted to bowl three games so that he gets used to bowling that many games on league nights. I, however, bowled a phenomenal third game! The best I bowled in years. difficult child completely turned on me, and got nasty and angry. He never raised his voice, but after my turn was over he would make snide comments because I was doing well and he wasn't. I guess I can only enjoy things with difficult child if he does better than me.

*Very frustrating.

 

[DaisyFace]

Ugh!

Too bad there wasn't a whole "team" of parents and kids playing to model sportsmanlike behavior for difficult child. It's definitely more fun when a mixed group can lead kids to cheer for a strike and laugh at themselves over the occassional "gutter ball"...

 

[InsaneCdn]

But... you're actually TEACHING him how to handle the 3-game load. So, he needs to build up. He also needs to practice looking at a bigger picture than "this minute"... as in, if he wins two out of three, you lost - period, end of discussion.

It's just a long hard teaching effort. We can't ever "just have fun" with our difficult children. Even "fun" is all about teaching, learning, helping them grow.

 

[Bunny]

Ugh!

Too bad there wasn't a whole "team" of parents and kids playing to model sportsmanlike behavior for difficult child. It's definitely more fun when a mixed group can lead kids to cheer for a strike and laugh at themselves over the occassional "gutter ball"...

He wouldn't have gone in that case. It's so much for him. Too loud. Too much talking and laughing. If it's not league night, he prefers it small. Just him and me, him and his dad, or the three of us.

 

[Liahona]

That is part of what makes parenting difficult children so exhausting; there is no down time. Teaching every second of everyday (or at least trying to) is so hard! We can't just sit back and have fun.

 

[Bunny]

Yes!! I always have to be "on" and it's one of the biggest areas of friction between my husband and me. I am ALWAYS on duty and it's exhausting! He get to come home and check out because he had a tough day at the office and doesn't want to come home to deal with more stress.

 

[greenrene]

Boy, do I understand the always being "on." NOBODY in my husband's family understood that and interpreted it as my always being angry with difficult child. I'm sure I did come across that way because if difficult child wasn't already in trouble, she was bound to be soon. So I was living in a constant state of hypervigilance. Ugh.

 

[Bunny]

Nobody here understands it, either, Greenrene. NOBODY!!! We were on vacation a few weeks ago and everyone had a great vacation except me because I don't get to relax. I don't get to forget about the problems at home because as long as difficult child is with me the problems follow me wherever I go. husband got angry with me the other day because I was trying to do something and the kids started screaming at each other and I got annoyed at him because he was not paying attention to what was going on with them. He said, "You can't be on top of them all the time!!" Yes, I have a to be because the minute I drop my guard is when the poop hits the fan. And I have a to be the one that is always "on" because nobody else is. No one else gets it.

 

[STRESSEDTOMAX]

We use that phrase "turns on you" all the time. The day can be so good and then if he doesn't like our answer to something, all hell breaks loose. As far as "being on" my sister always tells me that I'm so used to the level of stress that goes on in our house that I no longer realize how abnormal it is. I have become so accustomed to it. My relationship with husband always suffers because I kind of feel that if "I" can deal with difficult child without losing control, ANYONE should be able to - especially him. Sad to say but his "helping" me with difficult child is usually worse than doing it myself.