at complete wits end

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by wantout, Jan 26, 2012.

  1. wantout

    wantout New Member

    I am a stepmom to 2 and a mother of 2. All children live with me and my husband. He has an 8 year old son CC that i have been raising since 6 months old. At the age of 18 months everything went downhill. CC was kicked out of 4 daycares because of biting (making kids bleed) and physically abusing the other children. At 2 i had to quit my job to stay home with him. He broke everything in his reach, continually played with dirty diapers and ate contents, and was banned from playgrounds for his violence. When school started at age 4 we were recommended to get a psychologist and evalution because of his numerous incidents at school. Home and school is the same behavior no variations. He was dagnosed bipolar and adhd. Doctor put him on numerous medications to find the right one as none seemed to work. For one year a combo of concerta, respirdal, and guanfancine controlled this child but no amount of upping it or switching medications could turn him around after he started expressing more and more violent behaviors. He has been on and tried on almost all spectrums of mood stabilizers and adhd medication. So we hospitalized him for the first time at 6 (we have been avoiding this for 2 years) No help. change doctors new medicines and tons of counselors nothing. second hospitalization 6 months after first was in 45 days and they called me to go get him because they felt they couldn't help him anymore. So down on the hospital thing endured having him home and dealing with 504 plans then resource, then alternative schools. Finally i just have him homeschooled. Unfortunately, I have a 1 year old and he has tried strangling him and suffocating him. After this incident another hospital stayed 7 days (he played the doctors this time he knows the system and just agrees and tells them what they want to hear) evalution for autism did come out of that stay. Evaluation showed he is on the spectrum but not severe enough to be labeled autistic. What do I do if he really does do something that cannot be reversed (ie seriously hit one of my kids or someone at school) i do not know how i will handle that. I am a very educated person and I feel and have been told that i have done everything in my power to help this child. My marriage is very happy and my other children are outgoing wonderful children in spite of getting physically abused everyday. I am to the point of packing my bags and leaving or trying to get long term help (which we cannot afford). He needs serious help and I really want whats best for him and my family but the only solution i have right now is to put him in care of the state. I have no other options. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!
     
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Wow. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. You have come to the right place for support and maybe even some helpful ideas.

    One thing I don't understand is how he can be autistic but not enough for a diagnosis of autism. That makes no sense since the autism spectrum is a WHOLE SPECTRUM!

    Why is he on a 504 instead of an IEP? Has he ever had a complete, thorough Occupational Therapist (OT) or Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluation? It really sounds like they will be helpful.

    As for the medications, it is a crapshoot. If the diagnosis is wrong, medications can be wrong and can make things sooooo much worse. My difficult child 1 reacts very strongly and negatively to certain medications. They make him extremely violent. Bipolar isn't usually diagnosis'd in kids that young so I am a little suspicious of that. Also, some kids with autism spectrum disorder react very negatively to stimulants. Mine does. They will also react negatively to some bipolar medications. Those can do some real damage.

    It sounds like you need to find a reputable neuropsychologist soon. Do you have any autism specialists in your area? That would be a great place to start.

    Others will be along. I have so many other thoughts racing through my head right now that maybe someone else will be able to tell you what I'm trying to say in a way that is more coherent. LOL Stick around. I promise you won't be sorry.
     
  3. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    Lord honey you've been through the ringer. I don't know what to tell you because my situation isn't like yours, but I can say we all can agree that all we want is to help our children. I will pray that your house will find peace and you can find out whats really wrong with him.

    Take care doll.
    (hugs!!!)
     
  4. wantout

    wantout New Member

    wow what great response time thank you all....yes he is currently on an iep and in resource 30 minutes a day and for test and more time if he acts out. Problem with all this is the school has a no bullying policy in which for every hitting or hurting incident even if on an iep and a behavioral plan they have to "report" the problem with a referral. Three referrals after school detention 5 referrals in school suspension 10 referrals alternative school. He has done 10 referrals in one day many times. I have refused to let him go to alternative school again as they just let him do whatever he wants and close to no teaching. CC is a BRIGHT and very coniving, manipulative child. He has been formally evaluated and the school board put him in the brood category of emotionally disturbed. The autistic spectrum he is on but the way they word it in writing from the testing site is mood disorder, odd, ADHD, with autistic tendencies. Like any of that helps. I told the psychs a long time ago to take him off of things like abilify ridelin and adderol as they just made it worse or i didn't trust him. The last hospital even put him on lithium which i immediately took him off of. Neuropsychs won't even see him and i even got approval for an mri and cat scan all came out clean. He is in perfect pysical health if a bit small for his age.
     
  5. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    I don't blame you for wanting out. So many times in the past I have said the same thing to myself but know of course that my boys have me and that is it.
    David is Aspergers along with developmental delays and the behaviors from those include all the ADHD , ODD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) traits. He has been having problems at school and their problem is that they don't know how to deal with him. David has an IEP that is missing alot of things that should have been in it. Things that were brought up at his last IEP meeting. Right now he is on suspension for punching his reg ed teacher in the back. Well actually he is off as of today but I advised the school and the ESE director that since they could not schedule and IEP review until next Monday aft that he would not return until next Tues. The school is not happy with me at this point but they are the ones in violation of the FAPE laws. Your CC's teacher should be trained on how to deal with this child. Often the issues at school get esculated because they do not get the training they need to deal with a child's special needs.

    I have no idea where you live but check in your area for a Developmental/Behavioral Specialist. Generally you can find those types of specialists in conjunction with a children's hospital. You do not mention why you have raised this child since the agae of six months. Do you have idea if the child's biologcal mother had problems with the pregnancy? Did she drink or do drugs while pregnant with him?

    Your CC sounds like he is totally frustrated and when he can't get the anger and frustration out the way he should he attacks in an aggressive way. David's suspension was due to no one asking him a simple question. IF his teacher had asked him why he did not want her to wear the sweater she was wearing that he was demanding she take off instead of just continuing to say "No, I am cold" she would not have gotten hit. He recalled a woman in Shark 3d wearing the same sweater that had gotten eaten by a shark and was trying to save her from getting eaten. He was in a panic for her safety but she did not catch it by asking "why don't you want me to wear this?". His mind works differently then ours.

    Do also read up on WrightsLaw and FAPE along with any other educational laws you can find online. Please do not give up on this child yet. Do protect yourself and the rest of the family. My older boy is in a residential treatment center right now and knows that Mom will never give up on him.

    Alot of what is happening with CC may be due to something during pregnancy. Can you let us know more and we can help you more. All I can tell by your post is that you have an angry child on your hands that is hurting terribly due to something....probably misdiagnosed to boot and you are not getting the help you should be getting.
     
  6. wantout

    wantout New Member

    bio mom abandoned CC when he was 3 months old. My husband and his father took care of him until i stepped in 3 months later. She is diagnosed with bipolar and doesn't take her medications. She is an unfit mother and she hasn't had any contact with him after CC was 2. My husband doesn't recall anything other than an occasional drink and she did smoke throughout her pregnancy. I don't know if she did do drugs i'm almost positive she did though. Another thing is that CC doesn't need a reason to hit. He just impulsively does it more than being provoked. 9 out of 10 times their is no trigger. He can be sitting at the lunch table or passing someone in the hall and he just punches or hits. We've been threatened by other parents (not the school telling them the kids he hits tell the parents) that they are going to call police and such. We have him on a rigid schedule and are afraid to let him play outside our backyard. We try to give him rewards and he just gets worse. We praise and he'll act out, we discipline and he acts out. He destroyed his room there are 4 holes he has kicked in the walls one to the closet of my girls room like he's trying to get into their room bc it's as big as a head. I'm really scared of an 8 year old. I try to put him in those cuddle holds and even with my head turned he head butts my neck or chest so hard it knocks me out.
     
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Have you asked the school district about funding a residential school?
     
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Why won't the neuropsychologist see him? Where did all the other diagnosis's come from? We've had that whole alphabet at one time or another and it took a GREAT PhD child Psychologist to see that the REAL problem was Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). That REPLACES the previous diagnosis's not just added to the soup.

    It sounds like you need to get an advocate involved ASAP. After 10 suspensions, they are supposed to hold a manifestation hearing to determine if the behaviors are part of his disability. If it is, they need to develop (or revise) a behavior plan that WORKS. They are even legally allowed to make special exceptions to the school discipline policy for kids with IEP's. Does he even HAVE a behavior plan as part of his IEP? YOU can request a manifestation hearing as well and discuss these issues.....BUT......get an advocate!!!

    Can you give us examples of specific situations and how they started and how your son reacted? Putting the behaviors into perspective can sometimes lead to answers. You really need to read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene as well as What Your Explosive Child Is Trying To Tell You by Dr. Doug Riley. I think you will find some interesting answers through Dr. Greene's process and some interesting insight from Dr. Riley's book.

    There IS hope. You just need to get to the real root of the problem. So far, it sounds like you're surrounded by incompetence.
     
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I am going to go out on a limb here....probably a limb you are close to being on too though..

    1. sounds like it is time to ditch all preconceived ideas about what this guy has and get a complete neuropsychological evaluation
    2. I think he got that bipolar diagnosis quickly when young and it is possible that since he was in a mental health facility they just looked at the mental health possibilities since some symptoms overlap and so they really do not get how imparing even mild autism is. These kiddos can't take other perspectives and are often very sensitive to medications that help others.
    3. I agree that for his sake, I would find a childrens developmental clinic that specializes in autism. The fact that treatment for his other diagnosis has not only not helped but has made things worse... HUGE clue to a misdiagnosis. Sounds like he could really use home programming for kids with AUTISM like example home programs using ABA (applied behavior analysis) Applied Behavioral Analysis - Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) and Autism or RDI (relationship development intervention)Relationship Development Intervention (RDI): A Treatment for Autism - Autism Treatments or other home based autism specific behavioral interventions. Typical behavioral methods do not work often which I assume is clear to you since it didn't in the schools nor has it at home very much. My son had to go to a psychiatric hospital for medication adjustment and even there, where they have an Occupational Therapist (OT) and are working to make an autism wing.... they still had a hard time grasping the autism stuff...they are so centered on other mental healthy diagnoses that dealing with his autism and seizures (which result in behaviors so he was treated there not a neuro hospital) just is not their thing. They tried hard to change their behavioral expectations and skill building groups to work with him but he just did not fit in so his behaviors just escalated. He is still doing some of the things he learned there....for the worse.

    I can imagine this is really really hard. I have just my one and it is a challenge so to have to negotiate safety and family time etc. with others??? Amazing. If you can possibly check for known things that are often associated with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) it may really help too

    Auditory processing problems
    Language processing problems
    Fine motor or motor planning issues
    visual processing problems
    motor planning problems
    sensory integration issues, sensitivities, seeking behavior etc.

    If you find an autism clinic, you will find Occupational Therapist (OT) and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) and psychiatric folks who really get the full picture and spectrum that is Autism. I truly hope you have that somewhere around you....even if you have to drive several hours, it could be life changing to do this.


    HUGS to you... I am so sorry for his challenge in life.

    (just another thought, did his mom use any chemicals including rx medications when pregnant? how did she care for him up to the three month time when she left? COuld he have attachment issues too? Kids who have a disruption or pain or something like that can have a break in their ability to bond well even with your loving nurturing care... there just might have been some lack of development in that area through no fault of your or hubby's)
     
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    My first reaction was the same as Buddy's last reaction... knowing what exactly happened in those first 3-6 months may be the single most important key... MAY be. If he was essentially majorly neglected, the impact would be huge.
     
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I also think that you don't have a clue what is going on in his head and abuse/neglect those first months may be the cause. I agree totally that he needs a totally new evaluation with complete neuropsychologist testing, Occupational Therapist (OT), and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluations for every possible problem under the sun.

    You HAVE to be exhausted. I know you love him dearly. He wouldn't be with you, homeschooled, if you didn't. I do agree iwth what the others have said but I have to say something the rest may not agree with.

    It may be time to discuss Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or other out of the home placement. If he is KNOCKING YOU UNCONSCIOUS he is already causing serious harm to someone. If he has tried to strangle your 1yo, he has done a LOT more than you know of. It iwll take until he is out of the home and the other kids TRUST that he will NOT come back for them to tell you the rest of what he has done to them.

    If he were an only child it would be one thing. You and husband are adults and can choose to keep him at home if you are the ones he is hurting. But that is NOT a responsible choice to make for your other kids. As it is, what does he do after you are knocked out? He is clearly in a rage at that point or you wouldn't be restraining him. What does he do when you are not there watching him every second? You are only human. You are not capable of monitoring him 24/7 to make sure he cannot hurt anyone. He is just going to get bigger and stronger and soon even more damage is going to be done.

    When he knocks you out he is causing some damage to your brain. That is SERIOUS. WHat if he does that to one of your kids? Their brains are still developing and it could create a real tragedy. He could have killed your 1yo. I KNOW how scary that is. My son was 12 when I caught him doing that to my daughter in the middle of the night. She was sound asleep when he started and did NOT provoke it either. It was such a hard thing to handle. We had to bring in CPS because otherwise we couldn't get the help my daughter needed to cope with the abuse.

    CPS needs to be involved, seeing that you are doing everything you can to help and that you need them to help. Out of home placement, either in a hospital, Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or foster home or group home may be what he needs. He needs HELP and so do the rest of you. If nothing else, get cameras put up to PROVE that you are doing ALL you can to protect the other kids and catch his behaviors on video so that you can use them to prove that it isn't safe to keep him at home.

    This doesn't mean you don't love him. It means you love ALL the kids enough to keep them safe. He needs intensive help and at some point he may be able to come home and live with you safely. That would be ideal. But no matter what, the other kids need you and husband to protect them. Physical safety MUST be first. You may actually have to call 911 over and over to have him transported to the ER for evaluation and to send him to a psychiatric hospital for a short stay. But if you do that each time he is violent, you WILL eventually get enough evidence to get him into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) other other therapeutic placement. Some parents have had to do this.

    You also NEED a safety plan. A written plan that says who does what and goes where when CC is raging or hurting someone. This wll help when CPS is involved, and at some point they will be. Don't be afraid of them. They may threaten to take your other kids, but it is usually an empty threat as long as you are protecting the other kids from CC.

    I admire all you are doing to help him, but this seems, at least for now, to be way beyond what can safely be handled in a home. Safety MUST be the priority - until he is in a setting where he is safe and so is everyone else, there won't ever be any healing. I do know how hard it is. I had to make my oldest live elsewhere starting when he was 14 because he couldn't make safe choices. It was best for him, and for my other kids. It also tore my heart out, stomped it into the ground and chopped it up into little pieces. But I would do it again because otherwise one of us would be in the ground and the other would be in prison. That wouldn't help anyone.
     
  12. wantout

    wantout New Member

    you sound just like me susie. My mind is safety first I do watch him 24/7 with my other children he never leaves my side withing arms reach. It's sooooooooooo tiring and stressful my sanity is breaking and I have never had any mental health problems. I do not have the endless hours it takes to accompany everything this one child needs or i neglect my other 3 children. Hubby has to work there is no help from 8 to 6. I have considered calling cps and husband and police. I have tried to get him all the medical care he needs but he is smart and (knows the drill now) so instead of showing his true colors out of home and school he hides them until he gets home and the hospitals and docs think they fixed him, he's so cute and manipulative, but he's actually 100 times worse because the medications they change don't work. Long term facilities cost a fortune, and it seems like everytime we go to another doctor to try to wipe the slate clean they just want to change medications and add onto his diagnosis's I have tried contacting advocates and use all possible resources available to me. I was a resource teacher for 4 years for goodness sake and I know how to handle mentally disabled children, but this is just beyond me. As to why a neuropsychologist won't see him is because the stupid neuropsychs down here in louisiana won't take children who are behavior problems (how stupid is that). I've spoken with all the neuro's in the state i've even lied to them about his diagnosis's but to no avail they eventually find out and then cancelled appointment. I'm so frustrated and the system doesn't give a dang about me or my family they stop listening after i say it's the child abusing us not us abusing the child. I just could write a book on this kid i've been through many lifetimes of agony in 7 years. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me i know that he will get older, stronger, won't take any medications and i gaurantee you this child will be on the news one day. He has absolutely no remorse or empathy for anyone.
     
  13. wantout

    wantout New Member

    According to husband no she wasn't on rx medications. husband has told me she wouldn't even get up with him when he cried at night. And she went back to work 2 weeks after she had him. I know and I sometimes feel that she created this problem and she needs to deal with him just to give me a break at least on the weekends but no i have received no help whatsoever from her. (not that i want it) But seriously I love CC but i'm afraid loving him and keeping him in my home is going to cause something irreversible to myself or my family.
     
  14. wantout

    wantout New Member

    Moderator: I wouldn't know where to begin. Can you explain more please.
     
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    First of all, if you don't get some relief and help YOU are going to end up with some very serious health problems. Our bodies are NOT meant to tolerate years of the kind of difficult child stress that we end up with. After a certain amount of it, the stress starts to cause serious harm to us. I know this may sound frivolous, but a LOT of us Warrior Moms have developed health problems. I had them from long before I had a child at all and my body just stopped functioning and I live with chronic pain disorders that every doctor has told me is partly because I lived with so much stress for so many years. Other moms here have had strokes, heart problems, and a whole variety of other stress related illnesses. So whatever happens, you MUST do what you can to take care of yourself.

    Secondly, when you talk to people you are telling them that he is abusing you. You need to be asking for help because he is abusing his younger siblings and you need to tell them you have caught him trying to kill your 1yo old. Not strangling or choking, trying to kill. Yes, it IS just a different word choice. I don't know if he has the ability to understand the consequences of his actions. Part of getting help for ANYTHING is how you market the problem. Is your husband on board? You may be POWERLESS to get much done if he isn't on board because legally it is not your decision.

    Are you aware that if ANYONE learns that he is hurting the other kids then CPS will be involved? I am sure school is THRILLED that you are homeschooling and to them it is a great thing. I also know how hard and upsetting all those phone calls are. But homeschooling reduced the number of witnesses to his behavior, and NO ONE in the system belives a parent. To MOST of them, we are just ninnies who need to be taught how to parent. I wish I was joking. Sadly, many of us have found that EVERY time we see a new source of help we have to start with those and jump through months of unhelpful hoops that just waste time. If you can re-enroll him, the school is going to call the cops. There are few judges that will want to put an 8 yo in jail, and they are going to ORDER you to have parenting classes, you to do a bunch of stuff, and you to deal with a bunch of idiots. But the MORE times school calls police, the more EVIDENCE that is built up to try to get HELP for him.

    You also need cameras in your home if at ALL possible. Put them in the hallways, outside the bathrooms, all common areas. This is to PROVE that YOU are not blamng him for things you do. Sooner or later he will figure that out and with his problems it could get very scary for you and husband. It is also a way to prove what is going on, and to learn exactly what all he is doing.

    I know you think he is with you every moment, but you have to sleep, you have to do things with the other kids, and you have to potty and you have to take a time out or you would be losing it every five min. Anyone would. I can pretty much guarantee you that he is using those times to hurt others or do things you are unaware of. Cameras CAN help.

    You also need a Parent Report. It is a document that you create (yeah, great, another task to do, I know you are thinking that now and it is okay) that keeps ALL the info about him and the things you have done and tried to help him in ONE binder. You can copy sections to give to people to share his info as needed. With a Parent Report, you sit down with the docs and say "medication a did this, when given with b it did this. Oh, medication q? That did this. medication g had these problems. This therapy? We did that with Dr. S for 9 mos and he said this. Parenting classes at the Gobbledygook? Here is my certificate and here is husband's. Here are certificates from parenting classes at the Aloysius and the Wasteoftime too. What next?"

    in my opinion the Parent Report is the MOST POWERFUL tool we have. How is a binder full of papers and words that a PARENT created so important? It has infomration and PROOF in ONE place. It is EVIDENCE of EVERYTHING you have done to help your difficult child.

    It also makes the IEP teams and the teams of docs that you meet with say "Oh Sh((, This one has her act together. We better bring it because she can PROVE she did stuff." Or at least it did that with the ones I worked with. I used to LOVE the way they would start saying that my child would be "all better" if only I had just read 1-2-3 Magic or taken this class or given this pill, and I would take out the info about that item and share the info and ask "What else can WE do?" I honestly think a few tdocs and one entire IEP team would have preferred to have me tap dance on their heads that hear me ask that one more time.

    Before I talked about marketing the problem. You need people to agree that you need help and to help figure this out. Going it alone hasn't helped. We have a LOT of info in the archives and we have some people who truly know the sp ed laws and how to make the schools do what they should. That part probably won't help while you are homeschooling, but you can think about re-enrolling him. They cannot refuse to allow it, they MUST provide an IEP and accommodations. You have to make them do it a lot of the time, but that id do-able. It iwll also give YOU a break from him and give you some time with the other kids without him there. THEY NEED THAT and I know how hard it is to get. Please think about re-enrolling him so that YOU can survive the marathon. ALL of the kids need you.

    Also thnk about reporting his abuse of the other kids to CPS. About calling 911 when he is abusive physically, esp if he leaves marks on a younger child. He is probably strong enough now to do serious, long term harm to someone at any minute. Be aware that you DO have the right to press DV charges if he knocks you unconscious. Having this on camera would be very helpful because it is not going to be easy to prove. There are a lot of internet places that sell security systems fairly reasonably. It will go MUCH better with CPS if YOU, the parent, report that he is abusing or has abused on of the other kids. You can do it by calling them yourself, or if you have a pediatrician you trust, take the child to the doctor and ask the doctor to help you report the abuse. You are not doing it, you are doing what you can, but you are at your wit's end.

    With so many kids you don't have one choice that my husband and I made. My difficult child, Wiz, would use the time we were in the bathroom to make Jess hurt. They couldn't EVER both be out of our site and it was exhausting. For YEARS, we took the same sex child with us into the bathroom and had them stand in the bathtub with the curtain closed while we used the facilities. IT was AWFUL but it kept my daughter from daily torture. She also slept with us. I know part of it was due to him attacking her in the night, but also part ofit was that she is a snuggler and always was.

    Whatever you choose, stay on this forum. We truly understand because we have lived through it or are also fighting for our kids. This is the absolute best, most loving, giving, forgining, supportive, incredible, helpful group of people that exists anywhere. Period. We are a family too, and we truly care for every member, old and new. This is a very long path you areo n. We don't expct you to take action on everythng we say. We through a LOT at you and we understand that some just won't work or isn't helpful. It is okay that it happens. We won't get mad and refuse to share the cookies. So stick around. This place is the best resource I had other than my mom gut and my sisters here were right about a bazillion times more than the "experts" were. My sisters also taught me how to hold my own against the "experts"
     
  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hey WO - I have had a violent kid in my home, stepchild though I do love her to pieces, and I know that light at the end of the tunnel looks like it's been turned off. It hasn't... It's just around a bend (or 2 or 10).

    You and your husband have a responsibility to keep all the kids in the house safe. If you need to call the police - DO IT. I let my husband talk me out of it too many times, and Onyxx just got older and older, and bigger and bigger... But because we can't afford the long-term Residential Treatment Center (RTC) type stuff (we did try), I was feeling pretty hopeless and the repeated calls to the cops (and her getting arrested) finally got through. We're paying child support to the juvenile court and she is in the county-run behavioral Residential Treatment Center (RTC) which keeps her little brother much much safer at home.

    You can try your county health group, around here they're called "combined health districts" and many times they can help...

    :hugs: and welcome!
     
  17. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Crazy as it sounds it took 3 Baker Acts for my son to finally get the help he needs. It was after the 3rd one that it was said by someone other then me "this child needs help NOW". His first Baker Act was because he took a butcher knife (trying to get me to cave in on letting hm do something I had said no to) and held it point in to his stomach saying that he was going to push it in so he could die. I knew what he was doing and did not panic and just told him"well you won't die because the hospital is close to us and they will have you in surgery fast to fix you and will have to put needles in your arm for medicine and then they will put you someplace where you can't hurt yourself". He dropped that knife quickly as he is scared of needles. I did report it though and he was Baker Acted for 7 days. The next time it was because he pushed me down and tried to choke me with his autistic brother in the background screaming "don't kill Mommy". Another report and another Baker Act. Since I am 58 and have medical problems this caused an issue because he managed to tear the meniscus in my knee with that fall. I cannot get it repaired right now because the ortho wants to replace the whole knee and I don't have time for that stuff. The 3rd was the worst because he left in handcuffs and could have been charged with a felony. The dr he wsa seeing at the time had put him on Haldol and he was hearing voices. I made the mistake of trusting him for a few minutes. Both boys were watching Cars2 and and I needed to run to the corner store...BIG MISTAKE. While I was gone Daniel thought hanging his puppy by her collar on a doorknob for a few minutes would be fun. She survived for a few hours while I tried to find a vet in a small city on a Sun afternoon. I called crisis center and he told them he was afraid of himself that he might hurt me or David. They told me to call 911 and have him Baker Acted. DCF was called and they spoke with everyone , school, Children's Advocate, neighbors, etc and came back with glowing reports about my trying to get this child help without success. I signed a paper stating I would not leave them alone and case was closed on me but they stay through until Daniel was safely in a residential treatment center. David no longer screams in fear that his brother will hurt him and life is quieter for the most part.
    Daniel was under Children's Medical Services for ins but they had put his psychiatric care under a program here called BNet. His first two months there are covered...30 days with BNet and 30 days with CMS. Now I am after the state of FL for medically needy medicaid.
    I did not post all this to give you my story but to let you know you DO need to call the police when he hurts anyone in your home, himself or a pet. It is on record then and he may wind up in a Crisis Stabilization Unit to be evaluated. Yes, they may put him on medications that don't work and another issue may occur but then you call again and back to CSU he goes. It may take a few times of this happening but then the idjits who think parenting is the problem get it because sooner or later the real CC is going to show up at on of these visits. Let CPS get involved. If CC winds up in a therapuetic foster home at first fine.....sooner or later the show he puts on for others is going to end.
     
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This last is just for YOU. Please go to the local DV center because YOU are an abused woman. I know, I know, your abuser is not your husband, but you are STILL accepting and tolerating being beaten. I did it for over a decade. The DV center here flat out had never treated a parent abused by a child, but they still offered to help. It really did help because the therapist I worked iwth, while terribly young and seeming so new, really seemed to understand that just because I was hurt by my child didn't make the PTSD any easier to handle. Now our center is seeing a lot more people who are abused by their minor kids, and that terrifies me.

    If you are working on this stuff with a therapist, then you don't need the DV center. But in many areas DV centers are powerful. Their words hold a LOT of clout with the courts/cops/etc... So if you have their help they might have other resources that might help you. They might not, but it cannot hurt to ask.

    (((((hugs)))))
     
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    just told him"well you won't die because the hospital is close to us and they will have you in surgery fast to fix you and will have to put needles in your arm for medicine and then they will put you someplace where you can't hurt yourself". He dropped that knife quickly as he is scared of needles.

    That is so typical of our kids. I just addressed something similar on another thread. GREAT response on your part.
     
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I hear you!

    And I totally agree: One thing I don't understand is how he can be autistic but not enough for a diagnosis of autism. That makes no sense since the autism spectrum is a WHOLE SPECTRUM!

    Get a psychologist or even pediatrician to put in writing that he has Asperger's or something that says autism spectrum. Keep at it until you find someone. It will really help with-svcs.
     
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