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At his lowest ebb.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 686350" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>BG, I remember well those awful phone calls. He could rip me apart in seconds with all of the negativity and dramatic claims of killing himself or whatever it was that particular day. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>They already know everything we can say or want to say. We already said it, 100s of times. We ARE just wasting our breath and I also know that sometimes we just can't help ourselves. That's why I finally got to the point where I did the following:</p><p></p><p>1. Wrote down what I would say if he called, and I'd whip out my script and say nothing that wasn't written on the page. Without writing it down, I would get confused and stressed and I would start reacting (which is what he wanted) so I had to write it down and I had to stare at that page and say nothing that wasn't already on that page. It really worked. </p><p></p><p>2. Let the phone go to voice mail. I would set a boundary that I would accept one call every ________ days. I also would write that down and refer to it. If he called between those times, I didn't take the call. If I had a chance, I would inform him what the boundary was. We are still stressed...some...not taking the call, but not as much as when we take the call. And you know what? They will figure it out, whatever they were calling about. Our DCs are the most resourceful and resilient people on the planet!!!!!! They are survivors. One unanswered phone call is definitely not going to make or break them. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Don't be hounded BG. You have control over that. Take back your power. Don't allow him and his ramblings to chart your course. He is definitely going to do whatever he is going to do, and it doesn't matter what you do or say. Let him go. Make yourself #1. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there! We are here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 686350, member: 17542"] BG, I remember well those awful phone calls. He could rip me apart in seconds with all of the negativity and dramatic claims of killing himself or whatever it was that particular day. They already know everything we can say or want to say. We already said it, 100s of times. We ARE just wasting our breath and I also know that sometimes we just can't help ourselves. That's why I finally got to the point where I did the following: 1. Wrote down what I would say if he called, and I'd whip out my script and say nothing that wasn't written on the page. Without writing it down, I would get confused and stressed and I would start reacting (which is what he wanted) so I had to write it down and I had to stare at that page and say nothing that wasn't already on that page. It really worked. 2. Let the phone go to voice mail. I would set a boundary that I would accept one call every ________ days. I also would write that down and refer to it. If he called between those times, I didn't take the call. If I had a chance, I would inform him what the boundary was. We are still stressed...some...not taking the call, but not as much as when we take the call. And you know what? They will figure it out, whatever they were calling about. Our DCs are the most resourceful and resilient people on the planet!!!!!! They are survivors. One unanswered phone call is definitely not going to make or break them. Don't be hounded BG. You have control over that. Take back your power. Don't allow him and his ramblings to chart your course. He is definitely going to do whatever he is going to do, and it doesn't matter what you do or say. Let him go. Make yourself #1. Hang in there! We are here for you. [/QUOTE]
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