At my wits end!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mikig63, Mar 30, 2015.

  1. mikig63

    mikig63 New Member

    Tomorrow is the court date for my stepson (who should be in a residential facility). My husband ,in his usual manner, seems to be headed for another drinking bender. My fear is that the judge will leave this boy in our home, my husband will continue to drink and I'll STILL be the one dealing with the entire situation alone. Between my stepson's behaviors and my husband's drinking...I can't take anymore. I hate feeling like a victim, I understand that I am the only one who can change my situation, but I don't know how to untangle myself from the entire sick family.
     
  2. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

    How could you not be completely stressed out facing the situation you are in? Your husband may or may not come around, but you have no way to control that. I'm so sorry he is choosing not to be there for you and his son during this very difficult time.

    I understand how overwhelmed you must be right now. That is completely understandable when facing such a difficult situation. You need to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Are you in therapy, hon? Al-anon?
     
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This is HIS son. You're just the step. If Dad won't put in the effort? It's not on you, dear. You can support Dad moving in positive directions for himself and/or his son but... it's on HIM. Your role is support.
     
  5. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I wish you and your family the best for the turn out. You do need to have support besides us, maybe if you can find someone in person. Ill keep you in my thoughts. :hugs:
     
  6. mikig63

    mikig63 New Member

    Thank you all. My husband , I am realizing, is one of the most self centered people I know (sadly). ALL of the responsibility with his son falls on me, he's not even allowed to pick him up at school or drive him anywhere anymore because he did that drunk previous and now there's an active CPS investigation. THAT seems to just have made his responsibility less! There is not an ounce of appreciation, just complaining about the fact that "everyone is ALWAYS blaming things on me" ...his words.
    Fortunately his son's counselor will be in court, and he has explained to probation and will also explain to the judge that it's me that will bear the brunt of responsibility if they leave my stepson in our home.
    Either way, I think I have to separate from both my husband AND his son. I can't continue this way any longer, it's been over 6 months of this nightmare!
     
  7. mikig63

    mikig63 New Member

    Oh...and yes, I am in therapy....
     
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending some supportive hugs your way.
     
  9. mikig63

    mikig63 New Member

    Court was adjourned .....no new date yet ...uggghhhh!!!
     
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry it was adjourned! I hope a new date is set soon.
     
  11. mikig63

    mikig63 New Member

    Now we're hearing that a "risk assessment" still has to be done....I was under the impression that that was the reason for the women that came to our home for the psychiatric/soc evaluation as well as the quack of a psychiatrist.
    Will it never end?
     
  12. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Oh no, Im sorry to hear that. I hope the risk assessment goes quickly, keep on them! Its sad they dont believe or understand us -or others how bad things are. Your in my thoughts
     
  13. mikig63

    mikig63 New Member

    Yet another development....both my husband and his ex wife (step son's parents) have BOTH been "indicated" in separate child neglect cases! This should bode well for the whole court case with my step son (but could be a plus as far as having him placed in residential treatment). My husband's case was for drinking and driving with my step son and his ex wife's was for the fact that my step son was using a tablet while at her house to watch porn even when he has been instructed to stay off the internet!
    On a side note, the CPS worker actually thanked me for stepping up, and then asked me why I'm still in this mess (it's to protect the kids as much a I'm able). He basically stated that i had been single parenting a child that wasn't my responsibility who comes with a host of issues. He told me to save myself.
     
  14. mikig63

    mikig63 New Member

    New court dy is Tuesday, April 7th....this should be interesting...
     
  15. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I wish the best outcome, you have love and concern for that boy and your wonderful for that. Please, be careful and loving for yourself too.
     
  16. Rina

    Rina Member

    I don't blame you for being at your wits end, you are dealing with so much and it seems like you have zero support. I really, really hope things will turn out well with the court. Hugs.
     
  17. mikig63

    mikig63 New Member

    Will it never end?! I just got a call from one of my woman friends in AA, I used to have ONE safe meeting that I could go to, now my husband's ex also goes to that one (she has meeting everyday in the town she lives in...but). This woman just wanted me to know that she would be there supporting my husband's ex at court tomorrow, and it's nothing personal...it's just what we do in AA. Which is true...
    I know this is very self centered of me, but seriously?
     
  18. Rina

    Rina Member

    You're not being self-centered. We all need a place that feels safe. How big is the meeting? if it's a larger meeting, is there any way you could avoid/ignore her?
    *hugs*
     
  19. mikig63

    mikig63 New Member

    Unfortunately it's a small meeting, roughly 10-15 women in a small room at a church. Today is court, but it's a "conference"...not really sure if there will be a resolution yet. But, gee, I'll be able to see a few of my AA buddies...in the ex's corner. Oh well....I have got to force myself NOT to let them or her rent too much space in my head. I'm just really really tired of all of this, and it seems it will never end! (am I sounding too much like a victim? I hope not.)
     
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Nope.
    WE understand.

    Or to put it differently, if you're sounding like a victim, then so are the rest of us. :D
     
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