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Parent Emeritus
At My Witt's End
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757050" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Gosh OW, I quoted your entire post!Ditto.</p><p>Ditto.</p><p></p><p>I struggle with these same things. I am learning that the answers are not as important as are our response. We can believe these feelings or we can respond to them. There are ways to respond to the feelings, that restore a sense of unity and tranquility in ourselves. Meditation for me, is one.</p><p>Each of us has a unique beginning story where we learn to love and to be loved. In my own experience, many times, we do not learn that we are enough, and we do not learn that we deserve to be fully loved by others or by ourselves.</p><p></p><p>The thing to do, I am seeing, is to find ways not so much to understand this deficit model, but to overcome it.</p><p></p><p>I ask the question, too, where did all my love for others come from when I have felt unloved myself. I am finding the answers in spirituality. I believe that we each of us has in us the capacity to feel and do both good and bad. I think every second of life offers a choice. I think choosing "good" is a muscle that can be developed like any other. I think we can practice doing that in relationship to ourselves.</p><p>Most therapists in my part of the country are "seeing" people by distance, such as online through Zoom where it's just like being there. That's what I am doing. The therapist I see will not under the current circumstances meet people in person. Maybe you can find a similar option.</p><p></p><p>To conclude, I think the issue is learning to exercise the kindness muscle towards yourself. You may have never decided that. Now may be the time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757050, member: 18958"] Gosh OW, I quoted your entire post!Ditto. Ditto. I struggle with these same things. I am learning that the answers are not as important as are our response. We can believe these feelings or we can respond to them. There are ways to respond to the feelings, that restore a sense of unity and tranquility in ourselves. Meditation for me, is one. Each of us has a unique beginning story where we learn to love and to be loved. In my own experience, many times, we do not learn that we are enough, and we do not learn that we deserve to be fully loved by others or by ourselves. The thing to do, I am seeing, is to find ways not so much to understand this deficit model, but to overcome it. I ask the question, too, where did all my love for others come from when I have felt unloved myself. I am finding the answers in spirituality. I believe that we each of us has in us the capacity to feel and do both good and bad. I think every second of life offers a choice. I think choosing "good" is a muscle that can be developed like any other. I think we can practice doing that in relationship to ourselves. Most therapists in my part of the country are "seeing" people by distance, such as online through Zoom where it's just like being there. That's what I am doing. The therapist I see will not under the current circumstances meet people in person. Maybe you can find a similar option. To conclude, I think the issue is learning to exercise the kindness muscle towards yourself. You may have never decided that. Now may be the time. [/QUOTE]
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