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At My Witt's End
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757061" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>After I wrote this last post I worried that you would hear it as judgmental. I hope it wasn't. I want to support you to be safe and contented. Your son will NEVER allow this. OK. I understand this. Then you need to take responsibility for this decision and to not seek to have what you can't control. You can't control his behaving civilly towards you. In my view you need to minimize ANY interaction with him. Say, for instance, about the shower. To chide him about running the water was an invitation for his disrespectful and uncalled for tirade against you. What I am saying here is that YOU at this point, not him, has DECIDED to want him in your space. You want him in your space because because of FOG (fear, obligation and guilt).</p><p></p><p>Erroneously, you believe you are OBLIGATED to take responsibility to house this grown man who is working, and fully able to secure his own housing. And because of this (false) belief you are afraid to upset the apple cart. And because of this (false) belief you feel guilt at the mere thought that he would, as an adult, be responsible for his choices and behavior.</p><p></p><p>I don't fault you for this. Or judge you. But the reality is that this is a choice. There will always be something to make us feel the FOG. Unless we confront it and challenge it.</p><p>There are storage facilities that are very, very inexpensive.</p><p>My son has never one time remembered my birthday or a holiday. Like with you, nothing. I don't have any other relatives so I worry about when I am very aged and alone without help.</p><p></p><p>This is ridiculous of me. Only the present moment exists. The future is composed of billions of decisions each one in the present. A good future for me will come as I learn to decide based upon my welfare each moment as it comes. Same for you, I think.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757061, member: 18958"] After I wrote this last post I worried that you would hear it as judgmental. I hope it wasn't. I want to support you to be safe and contented. Your son will NEVER allow this. OK. I understand this. Then you need to take responsibility for this decision and to not seek to have what you can't control. You can't control his behaving civilly towards you. In my view you need to minimize ANY interaction with him. Say, for instance, about the shower. To chide him about running the water was an invitation for his disrespectful and uncalled for tirade against you. What I am saying here is that YOU at this point, not him, has DECIDED to want him in your space. You want him in your space because because of FOG (fear, obligation and guilt). Erroneously, you believe you are OBLIGATED to take responsibility to house this grown man who is working, and fully able to secure his own housing. And because of this (false) belief you are afraid to upset the apple cart. And because of this (false) belief you feel guilt at the mere thought that he would, as an adult, be responsible for his choices and behavior. I don't fault you for this. Or judge you. But the reality is that this is a choice. There will always be something to make us feel the FOG. Unless we confront it and challenge it. There are storage facilities that are very, very inexpensive. My son has never one time remembered my birthday or a holiday. Like with you, nothing. I don't have any other relatives so I worry about when I am very aged and alone without help. This is ridiculous of me. Only the present moment exists. The future is composed of billions of decisions each one in the present. A good future for me will come as I learn to decide based upon my welfare each moment as it comes. Same for you, I think. [/QUOTE]
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