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At the end of my rope
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 264972" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome to the site.</p><p></p><p>What sort of strategies were recommended to you?</p><p></p><p>Sometimes the techniques which you wqould expect would work wonders, or which you may recall working like a charm on you when you were young, can only make some kids worse. It all comes down to WHY the child is being like he is, and sometimes it's not always the obvious answer.</p><p></p><p>It's far too easy for observers to say, "He's just a naughty, defiant child." It's silly, really, because as a general rule, children WANT their parents' approval, they want to be seen as good kids. So why would a child choose to be defiant? it's not generally a path of first choice or even secondchoice. It's more likely to be a path of last resort, at least in the early stages. However, if we continue trying to control bad behaviour by asserting our own strict control, and the problem for the child is actually one where they feel they need to be in control of things themselves, then it becomes a struggle for control, a tug of war between you and the child, a competition to the nth degree. And the child, despite being only achild, can focus a lot more of his capacity on the struggle thsn you can, because he has fewer other responsibilities to get in his way. As a result when it becomes a competition, the child generally will win (if the child is intensely determined).</p><p></p><p>Why is the child so intensely determined? There can be all sorts of reasons, a number of different disorders which can at least superficially seem similar. That is why some books can help, even where the underlying disorder is different.</p><p></p><p>A book a lot of us swear by is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There is a sticky on this particular forum, check it out. Get the book out of the library, if you would prefer to read first, buy it later only if you like it. But it's the sort of help you can put in place fairly quickly, while you're still asking experts for their help and trying to get a diagnosis.</p><p></p><p>Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) the book, see how closely (or not) it gels with the parenting advice you've been given.</p><p></p><p>When it comes Occupational Therapist (OT) discippline, the most important test is - does it work for your child? Can you make it work?</p><p></p><p>because if you can't make it work, then it's better to not try, than to try and fail. because if you try to discipline your child and you fial, then it sets you up for even worse failure with that child.</p><p></p><p>There are options, there are things that can work. Read the book.</p><p></p><p>Help is here, and the more we know and understand, the more we can put our thinking power into the problems for you.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 264972, member: 1991"] Welcome to the site. What sort of strategies were recommended to you? Sometimes the techniques which you wqould expect would work wonders, or which you may recall working like a charm on you when you were young, can only make some kids worse. It all comes down to WHY the child is being like he is, and sometimes it's not always the obvious answer. It's far too easy for observers to say, "He's just a naughty, defiant child." It's silly, really, because as a general rule, children WANT their parents' approval, they want to be seen as good kids. So why would a child choose to be defiant? it's not generally a path of first choice or even secondchoice. It's more likely to be a path of last resort, at least in the early stages. However, if we continue trying to control bad behaviour by asserting our own strict control, and the problem for the child is actually one where they feel they need to be in control of things themselves, then it becomes a struggle for control, a tug of war between you and the child, a competition to the nth degree. And the child, despite being only achild, can focus a lot more of his capacity on the struggle thsn you can, because he has fewer other responsibilities to get in his way. As a result when it becomes a competition, the child generally will win (if the child is intensely determined). Why is the child so intensely determined? There can be all sorts of reasons, a number of different disorders which can at least superficially seem similar. That is why some books can help, even where the underlying disorder is different. A book a lot of us swear by is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There is a sticky on this particular forum, check it out. Get the book out of the library, if you would prefer to read first, buy it later only if you like it. But it's the sort of help you can put in place fairly quickly, while you're still asking experts for their help and trying to get a diagnosis. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) the book, see how closely (or not) it gels with the parenting advice you've been given. When it comes Occupational Therapist (OT) discippline, the most important test is - does it work for your child? Can you make it work? because if you can't make it work, then it's better to not try, than to try and fail. because if you try to discipline your child and you fial, then it sets you up for even worse failure with that child. There are options, there are things that can work. Read the book. Help is here, and the more we know and understand, the more we can put our thinking power into the problems for you. Marg [/QUOTE]
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