Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
At What Point is it OK to Throw in the Towel with a difficult child ?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 471881" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>When you have 100% of the stake in difficult child's treatment and growth, and she has none of it.</p><p></p><p>You're doing all the work, you're doing all the fighting, planning, battling the system and exhausting yourself and the other members of your family. difficult child has taken no ownership in her treatment. But it's her life, and eventually she's going to have to lead it as an adult. You've given her a fully equipped tool box, but she refuses to pick up even one small phillips screwdriver. So...you put the tool box down at her feet and step back. Either she will start to do the work herself, or not. But you can't continue carrying her burdens for her forever.</p><p></p><p>I've come to a similar place with my difficult child. He's been in assisted living since 2007. He thrives in the program but that's because he's dragged by the scruff of the neck to comply. They tell him when to wake up, take his medications, study, go to his volunteer placement (and stand beside him throughout, and help him with the volunteer work), when to eat, when to bathe, when to sleep, how to speak to people, what's acceptable behaviour, what's unacceptable behaviour. Everything is in lock-down, and issued to him as he needs it. Just as husband and I did for all the years before he went to assisted living. </p><p></p><p>And any time he's given even the slightest hint of independence or freedom, he goes right off the rails. Won't sleep, eat, take his medications, work or do anything else he's supposed to. Will do or say whatever he has to -- truth, lie or something else -- to get what he wants in that moment, regardless of consequences.</p><p></p><p>4 years of fully structured, 24/7 monitoring and life-management, and he hasn't learned a thing from it. He'll toe the line but only because it's the quickest path to get what he wants. When he comes home for an overnight visit once a year at Christmas, he promptly loses every iota of independence he's gained over all that time. Then Residential Treatment Center (RTC) has to build it all back up again. (That's one of the reasons I don't let him come for overnight visits except that one night at Christmas).</p><p></p><p>When your heart and mind tell you you're done, then you're done.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs,</p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 471881, member: 3907"] When you have 100% of the stake in difficult child's treatment and growth, and she has none of it. You're doing all the work, you're doing all the fighting, planning, battling the system and exhausting yourself and the other members of your family. difficult child has taken no ownership in her treatment. But it's her life, and eventually she's going to have to lead it as an adult. You've given her a fully equipped tool box, but she refuses to pick up even one small phillips screwdriver. So...you put the tool box down at her feet and step back. Either she will start to do the work herself, or not. But you can't continue carrying her burdens for her forever. I've come to a similar place with my difficult child. He's been in assisted living since 2007. He thrives in the program but that's because he's dragged by the scruff of the neck to comply. They tell him when to wake up, take his medications, study, go to his volunteer placement (and stand beside him throughout, and help him with the volunteer work), when to eat, when to bathe, when to sleep, how to speak to people, what's acceptable behaviour, what's unacceptable behaviour. Everything is in lock-down, and issued to him as he needs it. Just as husband and I did for all the years before he went to assisted living. And any time he's given even the slightest hint of independence or freedom, he goes right off the rails. Won't sleep, eat, take his medications, work or do anything else he's supposed to. Will do or say whatever he has to -- truth, lie or something else -- to get what he wants in that moment, regardless of consequences. 4 years of fully structured, 24/7 monitoring and life-management, and he hasn't learned a thing from it. He'll toe the line but only because it's the quickest path to get what he wants. When he comes home for an overnight visit once a year at Christmas, he promptly loses every iota of independence he's gained over all that time. Then Residential Treatment Center (RTC) has to build it all back up again. (That's one of the reasons I don't let him come for overnight visits except that one night at Christmas). When your heart and mind tell you you're done, then you're done. Many hugs, Trinity [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
At What Point is it OK to Throw in the Towel with a difficult child ?
Top