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Parent Emeritus
At wit's end
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 542235" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm very glad you found us. You're in a tough spot but your intention is exactly what you should be doing, you deserve a life of your own now with your husband. Your daughter needs a reality check. I have a daughter who is grown and I've had to make some very difficult decisions of late, and each step of the way was fraught with guilt, sorrow, anger, uncertainty, disappointment and dark days and nights. However, in order to stop enabling her and allow myself my own life, I had to learn to detach and accept what is. I had to take the safety net from underneath her so she could learn to figure out what the next step is for herself. </p><p></p><p>You absolutely deserve to be happy. And you did the best you could, And now it's up to her.</p><p></p><p>What you are embarking on is a very difficult path, one none of us ever believed we'd be facing, but it is what it is, your daughter is disrespectful to you and you must not allow that. It is time for her to leave and find her own way. As CrazyinVa mentioned, they have a way of landing on their feet. My daughter slept in her car, slept in a tent, went to jail, places I never would have imagined she would be. In order to save myself, I had to let go. So do you. As I let go, she began to pick up pieces of her life, little by little. And now she has finally agreed to get professional help since she is suffering from some kind of mental illness. </p><p></p><p>It is not okay to smoke pot in your house when you have set that boundary. It is not okay to abuse you in ANY way. You are setting a good, strong boundary in giving her an exit strategy. The best advice I can give you is to get yourself some support, a therapist, a group, somewhere you can go and talk about this and get support. There are codependent anonymous 12 step groups you can attend in your area. I put myself in a structured environment in a local HMO which offered a program for codependency lead by therapists and it's been invaluable in helping me to negotiate this territory. It is hard. It is against everything you believed about being a Mom. And, yet it is absolutely necessary. I know how you feel, I really do, I think many of us here understand on a very deep level what you are going through. You are not alone. We get it. We're right there with you. Hang in there, keep posting, venting, communicating and find support. Big hugs and warm wishes and prayers that you stay strong and find peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 542235, member: 13542"] I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm very glad you found us. You're in a tough spot but your intention is exactly what you should be doing, you deserve a life of your own now with your husband. Your daughter needs a reality check. I have a daughter who is grown and I've had to make some very difficult decisions of late, and each step of the way was fraught with guilt, sorrow, anger, uncertainty, disappointment and dark days and nights. However, in order to stop enabling her and allow myself my own life, I had to learn to detach and accept what is. I had to take the safety net from underneath her so she could learn to figure out what the next step is for herself. You absolutely deserve to be happy. And you did the best you could, And now it's up to her. What you are embarking on is a very difficult path, one none of us ever believed we'd be facing, but it is what it is, your daughter is disrespectful to you and you must not allow that. It is time for her to leave and find her own way. As CrazyinVa mentioned, they have a way of landing on their feet. My daughter slept in her car, slept in a tent, went to jail, places I never would have imagined she would be. In order to save myself, I had to let go. So do you. As I let go, she began to pick up pieces of her life, little by little. And now she has finally agreed to get professional help since she is suffering from some kind of mental illness. It is not okay to smoke pot in your house when you have set that boundary. It is not okay to abuse you in ANY way. You are setting a good, strong boundary in giving her an exit strategy. The best advice I can give you is to get yourself some support, a therapist, a group, somewhere you can go and talk about this and get support. There are codependent anonymous 12 step groups you can attend in your area. I put myself in a structured environment in a local HMO which offered a program for codependency lead by therapists and it's been invaluable in helping me to negotiate this territory. It is hard. It is against everything you believed about being a Mom. And, yet it is absolutely necessary. I know how you feel, I really do, I think many of us here understand on a very deep level what you are going through. You are not alone. We get it. We're right there with you. Hang in there, keep posting, venting, communicating and find support. Big hugs and warm wishes and prayers that you stay strong and find peace. [/QUOTE]
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