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At wit's end
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<blockquote data-quote="LSH44" data-source="post: 542582" data-attributes="member: 14939"><p>Wow, Recov...I don't think I could have ordered a better pep talk than that which you just gave me. I keep reading it over and over. It somehow validates for me that what I'm doing is the right thing. You've brought all that I feel to the forefront and somehow having someone else confirm my fears as reality makes me feel more ready to deal with it. That one, very weak part of me in the back of my mind has been saying that she is doing all she can to prepare but the economy and such is keeping her from taking action to secure a place to stay and a plan...but my head knows differently. How could it not? The facts are right in front of me.</p><p></p><p>My ex-husband and I divorced when she was a baby and he's never been much of a father. She tried living with him for a week, but he kicked her out due to her behavior. That was about 1 1/2 years ago. She was disrespectful and wouldn't make efforts to get a job. For all of her life, it was she and I. I dated some, but raising her has been so difficult that I didn't have much energy for relationships, so it really was...she and I. In my heart, I worry that she feels abandoned by me. Her father doesn't want anything to do with her, and now I, her mother, is kicking her out. In truth, I would think she could see a cause and effect relation between her behavior and her loss of relationships with her dad's side of the family, as well as the fact that she can't keep friends. But either she doesn't see it...or refuses to accept responsibility for those lost relationships.</p><p></p><p>I tried to talk to her yesterday about her plans for where she is going to go. I tried to make it very conversational, but it quickly escalated into her screaming at me to leave her the **** alone about it. </p><p></p><p>I did give her the 30 day notice to leave in writing, because here in NC you also have to evict and adult child. And she knows this. In the past, as I kept telling her that if she did not change her behavior she would be told to leave, she would come back with the retort of "You have to give me 30 days, its the law." So, we gave her the 30 day written notice. I don't know if she realizes that we would have to follow up with formal eviction proceedings to actually make her leave, or not.</p><p></p><p>I keep imagining how painful it would be to have no friends because they chose to not associate with me any longer. And to have my father essentially turn his back on me, and now - the one person she could depend on - me....telling her she is no longer wanted here. That would crush me to feel so unwanted. That is the part that breaks my heart. Does she feel that way in truth? She acts all tough with her vulgar mouth and her <em>"I don't need you to tell me what to do with my life." </em>But I worry that inside, she feels unwanted and unloved. Her words and her actions indicate that she doesn't feel she has done anything wrong, and that everyone else has been unjust to her. Could she really feel that she hasn't done anything amiss and that everyone else is rejecting her unjustly?</p><p></p><p>I just don't understand what is going on in her mind and her heart. </p><p></p><p>Thank you so much for your support and your wisdom.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LSH44, post: 542582, member: 14939"] Wow, Recov...I don't think I could have ordered a better pep talk than that which you just gave me. I keep reading it over and over. It somehow validates for me that what I'm doing is the right thing. You've brought all that I feel to the forefront and somehow having someone else confirm my fears as reality makes me feel more ready to deal with it. That one, very weak part of me in the back of my mind has been saying that she is doing all she can to prepare but the economy and such is keeping her from taking action to secure a place to stay and a plan...but my head knows differently. How could it not? The facts are right in front of me. My ex-husband and I divorced when she was a baby and he's never been much of a father. She tried living with him for a week, but he kicked her out due to her behavior. That was about 1 1/2 years ago. She was disrespectful and wouldn't make efforts to get a job. For all of her life, it was she and I. I dated some, but raising her has been so difficult that I didn't have much energy for relationships, so it really was...she and I. In my heart, I worry that she feels abandoned by me. Her father doesn't want anything to do with her, and now I, her mother, is kicking her out. In truth, I would think she could see a cause and effect relation between her behavior and her loss of relationships with her dad's side of the family, as well as the fact that she can't keep friends. But either she doesn't see it...or refuses to accept responsibility for those lost relationships. I tried to talk to her yesterday about her plans for where she is going to go. I tried to make it very conversational, but it quickly escalated into her screaming at me to leave her the **** alone about it. I did give her the 30 day notice to leave in writing, because here in NC you also have to evict and adult child. And she knows this. In the past, as I kept telling her that if she did not change her behavior she would be told to leave, she would come back with the retort of "You have to give me 30 days, its the law." So, we gave her the 30 day written notice. I don't know if she realizes that we would have to follow up with formal eviction proceedings to actually make her leave, or not. I keep imagining how painful it would be to have no friends because they chose to not associate with me any longer. And to have my father essentially turn his back on me, and now - the one person she could depend on - me....telling her she is no longer wanted here. That would crush me to feel so unwanted. That is the part that breaks my heart. Does she feel that way in truth? She acts all tough with her vulgar mouth and her [I]"I don't need you to tell me what to do with my life." [/I]But I worry that inside, she feels unwanted and unloved. Her words and her actions indicate that she doesn't feel she has done anything wrong, and that everyone else has been unjust to her. Could she really feel that she hasn't done anything amiss and that everyone else is rejecting her unjustly? I just don't understand what is going on in her mind and her heart. Thank you so much for your support and your wisdom. [/QUOTE]
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