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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 657894" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Why would you torture yourself over this, Copa? Most kids leave home and do their own thing. I EXPECT my kids to do so. I'd be worried if they didn't. It's not healthy for a child to do whatever her parent asks of her and to have no mind of her own. You came through for her, although it doesn't sound as if she deserved it, when she could have died alone. What more do you expect of yourself.</p><p></p><p>I never visited my mother when she was sick because our relationship so horrible by then. I did not feel guilty about it. I still don't. I let those she was nice to do the caregiving. I almost didn't attend her funeral, but went to comfort those who actually were grieving for her. I did not feel sad. I can not love people who don't love me in a healthy way, Copa. Listen....</p><p></p><p>If you had died in her place for her, Copa, it would not have been enough. You deserve to have a life, a good life. You didn't do anything wrong. SHE did. Do not let her destroy you from the grave. YOU are letting her do it. You need to let it go, just as you are bravely letting go of your son so that he can grow. YOU need to grown again and to detach. She is dead now and not such a great mother when she was alive. But YOU are alive. If she loved you at all, she would not want you to be punishing yourself because of her. And if she would have wished that you punish yourself because of her, she never loved you.</p><p></p><p>Please, please think of YOU now. Hugs!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 657894, member: 1550"] Why would you torture yourself over this, Copa? Most kids leave home and do their own thing. I EXPECT my kids to do so. I'd be worried if they didn't. It's not healthy for a child to do whatever her parent asks of her and to have no mind of her own. You came through for her, although it doesn't sound as if she deserved it, when she could have died alone. What more do you expect of yourself. I never visited my mother when she was sick because our relationship so horrible by then. I did not feel guilty about it. I still don't. I let those she was nice to do the caregiving. I almost didn't attend her funeral, but went to comfort those who actually were grieving for her. I did not feel sad. I can not love people who don't love me in a healthy way, Copa. Listen.... If you had died in her place for her, Copa, it would not have been enough. You deserve to have a life, a good life. You didn't do anything wrong. SHE did. Do not let her destroy you from the grave. YOU are letting her do it. You need to let it go, just as you are bravely letting go of your son so that he can grow. YOU need to grown again and to detach. She is dead now and not such a great mother when she was alive. But YOU are alive. If she loved you at all, she would not want you to be punishing yourself because of her. And if she would have wished that you punish yourself because of her, she never loved you. Please, please think of YOU now. Hugs!!! [/QUOTE]
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